Cheryl Cole vs Lacey Chabert

Cheryl Cole vs Lacey Chabert
(12-3, 12 KO vs 41-30-3, 34 KO)
(Lioness Club vs Mirage Boxing)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: "OK, so the Lily Collins experiment didn't end so well but it doesn't mean I'm not the hottest UK export in the FCBA anymore!", a visibly upset Cheryl Cole still struggles to embrace last month's double takedown at the hands of fellow Brit. "However I'm more than ready to upset Lacey tonight and smash her Hall Of Fame jugs into a pulp!" - she winks back to the reporters and allthough she's not exactly JMD material, her game plan clearly includes a wicked punishment of Chabert's 32C set.

Meanwhile Lacey - who's only nine months older than her British opponent - looks to kick off Mirage's new year campaign on a high note. She's got plenty of gas in the tank left and openly dismisses the idea of her career heading down the path of the likes of Jessica Simpson. "First of all, I'm not a free agent who got fired from her job and secondly, I should beat that cocky Brit into a bloody mess! She's all talk and quite frankly losing to that Collins girl tells me all I need to know about her - she's an arrogant wimp pure and simple!"

Cheryl Cole wears a black & white vertical striped bikini top in tribute to her hometown Newcastle association football club, black knickers and golden gloves. Long dark brown hair with bangs tied in a custom ponytail. Lacey Chabert wears a silver bikini top, red knickers and matching red gloves. Long black hair tied in a sleek ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the flyweight division.

Round 1:
Both girls waste no time in dishing out quick strikes to the body and there's no clear winner of this assault through the opening minute. Cheryl gets more vocal of the two as she scowls with every punch thrown at her foe's midriff but Lacey responds with plenty of beef herself and wobbles the singer down the strech which brings the first sign of upper-hand into this bout. Cole refuses to punish Chabert's massive jugs but that's because the actress realizes that's one area she can't let the Geordie lass through - what follows next is a steady overhand pressure that lands straight between Cheryl's high guard and stacks her up in the corner late - the clocks prevents Lacey from making more progress but the judges should award her the round comfortably.

Round 2:
Several English tourists expected Cheryl to brush the Lily Collins disaster aside very quickly tonight but Lacey proves to be a wiley competitor as she shows the younger brunette no respect whatsoever and gallops into her tummy which immediately freezes Chezza in awkward position. She leans on the American but just can't stretch her elbows and Chabert is allowed to work more punishing jabs to the body with Cole wincing her trouble and getting louder with every shot. Lacey rains more midriff assault and desperately tries to pinch the hapless singer back to the ropes; Cheryl finally uses her dancer's legs to shut the American offense come the final minute but a chaotic overhand exchange leaves her with a fat lip at the bell since Lacey delivers a late double combo spot on target and sinks the Geordie brunette on wobbly knees much to the crowd's delight.

Round 3:
Cheryl's really furious now and launches an aerial assault that would have upset someone less experienced than Lacey. However the Mirage girl has basically seen it all and dodges the leather bullets UNTIL she get clobbered on the windpipe with a seemingly loose hook. Ugh! That drops her back to her heels and allows Chezza to finally explore the breasts for a while. She lifts Lacey's 32Cs up against her slumping chin before scything across the liver area and wobbling her into a desperate cover. All Cole from there on as she pounds the immobile actress back to the ropes showing first signs of raw Geordie power that stole most of the headlines during her crossover run over the last 18 months or so. Chabert survives the British attack behind a tight earmuff but several pundits begin to wonder if she didn't let the singer off the hook after such a positive start? Chezza refuses to halt the jabbing assault at the bell and has to be dragged off to her corner by the referee; the American gives her a lenghty stare and shouts: You're gonna pay for that, you dumb bytch!" before finally turning back to her corner.

Round 4:
Cole tries to level the scores but Chabert settles back in mid distance and shows enough quick footwork to avoid the initial onslaught. Thankfully for all ye Geordie fans, she puts her experience cap on as well and fends off the red mist mode which cost her a number of fights back in the BBU days. Both girls circle around each other for a while and nobody wants to blink first but Chezza's fuse is much shorter and she simply wants to see Lacey suffering just that little more at this stage. She loops aggressive hooks over the top but only grazes the top of Chabert's head and is lucky enough to avoid a counterpunching cascade before driving a long range shot on the brow ridge that finally throws the actress off her comfort zone. The final minute is hectic but delivers the goods as Lacey's jugs take more pasting after a pivot went the wrong way and got covered by the Geordie singer. Cole camps in the fellow brunette's mounds and nearly headbutts her for a good measure as she tries to trap her along the ropes. Lacey becomes too concerned of the JMD-threat and retreats into safety but not before soaking up unneccessary heat which only boosts Chezza's confidence.

Round 5:
Cheryl enforces the classic flyweight war of attrition script and actually catches her American off guard with a steady head hunting assault. It looks like Chabert expected another jug muggin' effort and simply didn't rise her arms high enough before it was too late to embrace the Geordie plan. Cole gets all vocal again as she snaps Lacey's head back & forth and opens a small cut over the left eye half-way through the round. Chabert tries to respond from the back foot but fails to slice the singer's guard and slides back on her heels before getting clobbered to the ropes inside the final minute. Chezza's in the groove right now and powers ahead bit by bit, punch by punch and the overdrive mode is too much for the Mirage veteran who caves in behind a tight earmuff and only squeals behind her mitts as Cole tries to dismantle her cover working furiously from both flanks - even after the bell signalls half-distance of the fight.

Round 6:
The English singer has all the momentum now and once again takes advantage of catching the actress off guard - this time she smokes Chabert's jugs with a power drive seconds after enforcing the phone booth stance and even the local pundits must admit the tourist is a fitter girl at this stage of the fight. That spells mucho trouble for Lacey whose sluggish mobility allows Cole to blast more punishing uppercuts to the cleavage and even the most experienced jug muggin' stalwarts can wilt under a pressure like that. Cheryl's eyes are glued to the American's boobs and poor Lacey almost loses her footing in a frantic effort to break free. She fails to achieve that feat and soon has her own jugs smashed against her nose as she crumbles into a dummy mode and can do nothing about Cole ripping her to shreds in the center of the ring! Ugh! CHABERT'S KNEES HIT THE JELLY BUTTON and the relentless beating finally SENDS HER DOWN ON HER BACK as Cole destroys her cleavage with a furious display of Geordie's boxing finest. Several women would be knocked down to rise no more at this stage but not Lacey - give the petite veteran some credit when she somehow rejoins the fray at eight and three-quarters. She can barely hold back the tears and is ready to spit her lungs out but she's there to resume the fight! Even the ref is shocked to see that but he allows the fight to continue... a very bad idea if you're a Lacey fan since Chezza drops the A-bomb on her jugs and threatens to punch her topless with rapid fire... poor Lacey can't respond with anything of her own and basically gets drilled into submission as she cries out her resistance and leans back on the turnbuckle with eyes closed... and boy, Chezza would love to remove that silver top straight off those 32Cs but the ref has finally come to his senses and MERCIFULLY HALTS THE BEATDOWN IN PROGRESS. TKO6 Cheryl Cole in another chapter of the Geordie Power!!!

AFTER: There's nothing left from the battered actress who slides down on her knees and hugs her aching rack before weeping her demise just as the singer approaches her and tries to pour more dirt straight into her face. The Mirage crew jumps into the ring and Amanda Seyfried gets to the brunette tourist first but then gets clocked with a left hook on the nose and all hell breaks loose. This wouldn't make it through the Asylum coverage and the CBAD studio is borderline on the matter as Cole fights off Jennifer Love Hewitt while shouting: "You're next, sl*t!" at her. Poor Hewitt falls over the downed Seyfried and it only takes old enemy Megan Fox to restore some Mirage pride. However now we're dealing with classic wrestling/catfight combination as both women roll around on the canvas and almost tumble down on the judges table before Fox climbs on top of the singer and tries to rip some hair out of her scalp. But the tourist still has her gloves on and digs a shot to the belly so smothering her would have been a better option to claim the bragging rights. It's all irrelevant shortly afterwards as the security crew finally arrives on scene and separates the two vixens - both still screaming at each other when the TV coverage heads for the much needed commercials. Everyone needs a little break when the action is so intense and Cheryl Cole simply can't keep her antics in tact most of the time - regardless of the eventual outcome.

Final result: Cheryl Cole def. Lacey Chabert TKO6.