Rose Byrne (Foxfire Atl.) v Rachel Brosnahan (Comediennes)

Rose Byrne
(41 / 5’6” / 1:6 FCBA / Foxfire Atlantic)

Rachel Brosnahan
(30 / 5’3” / 1:0 FCBA / The Comediennes)

Story: The Comediennes / Results: Lookout!

Pre-fight:

Jack Gordon: Hello, Jack Gordon here along with Lucy Lawless and Chips McDougal here to cover a special Comediennes Breakdown event. Tonight brand new Comediennes signee Rachel Brosnahan makes her stable debut against Foxfire Atlantic’s Rose Byrne. Lucy, what can you tell us about Rose?

Lucy Lawless: Well she’s a bantamweight who can move well... that could spell trouble for Rachel early. Rose hasn’t had a fight in the FCBA since 2018 and doesn’t have a win in the FCBA since 2016 against Elodie Frege. That doesn’t mean she’s out of practice though. Rose is 4-2 in the BBU this year after going through the Bantamweight Tournament. She has excellent footwork and is really really mobile even for a bantamweight. That makes her really tough sledding for a flyweight like Rachel whose speed could be nullified.

Jack: What can you tell us about Rachel, Chips?

Chips McDougal: Jack, The Comediennes are over the moon about signing Rachel Brosnahan. They originally wanted to hold open tryouts for their flyweight expansion, but Rachel came in and dazzled them early. Sparred against Elyse, Rashida, and Melissa. Apparently held up very well and they decided to forget open tryouts. She got an offer on the spot.

Mobility is something she shines in, but I’ve heard she already has the fastest hands in the Comediennes stable and has power close to Elyse. They have really high expectations for her and clearly want to see what she’s made of throwing her up against a low-end bantamweight.

Jack: Any predictions?

Lucy: Well if Rose can win the early rounds I just don’t see a way Rachel can mount a comeback. She’s giving up three inches and a good chunk of power. That said, Rose is hardly an impressive fighter. If Rachel can’t win this fight you better believe The Comediennes will be feeling buyer’s remorse. I think Rachel is good enough to take Rose down by the sixth round.

Chips: Something you pointed to earlier Lucy is Byrne’s mobility. That’s going to be really tough on the inexperienced Brosnahan. I think Byrne will win those early rounds and we’ll see Rachel’s back up against the wall. But if what I’m hearing from inside the Comediennes’ stable is right there’s no way Rachel should lose this fight. I think we’re in for a long one, but give me Rachel by way of TKO in round 8.

R1: Both girls come out of their corner with laser focus. Rose with the reach advantage and she makes use of it early. Rachel can’t find a window to really get much of anything as Rose’s jab stymies the brand new Comedienne.

To make matters worse, Rose’s feet are a weapon. She glides around the ring with Rachel and puts the pressure on the smaller girl early. Rachel tries to counter punch, but Rose lands a big right cross that staggers Rachel early. The fans are on their feet! Rose with another huge right hand to Rachel’s chin and Brosnahan is up against the ropes.

The smaller girl attempts to counter punch and finds some success. But Rose sticks to her, smacking Rachel’s body up and down and ending the round with a solid right hook. Rachel shaking her head as the round comes to an end. Rose walks back to her corner with a smirk.

10-9 Byrne.

R2: Rose comes out with the same gameplan early on and it’s clearly frustrating Rachel. Rachel can’t get any sort of traction against her bigger opponent. Rose backs Rachel to the ropes again and begins to beat on her. Rachel is force to keep her guard tight, but Rose is still finding home every now and then.

Rachel fires a clean couple of jabs and slips off the ropes. Rachel gets to the middle of the ring and Rose comes after her. Another jab by Rose lands. Another one. Another. Rachel’s head snaps back with conviction as Rose takes command of the fight. Rachel, perhaps feeling the pressure to make something happen, takes a sloppy swing with her left that leaves her open to a big right hand from Rose.

Rose taking Rachel to school now as she cracks her gloves into the smaller girl, peppering her with punches as The Comedienne hits a corner. Rose looks to finish Rachel off here, but by getting so close she’s inadvertently given up her reach advantage.

Rachel begins to counter punch and her fists fly with reckless abandon. Before Rose can make a retreat, Rachel slips from the corner and hits Rose with a right cross that bangs the bantamweight into the corner.

Rachel’s fists are blazingly fast as she expels all of her rage onto Rose. The older woman can only cover up as she takes a brutal beating at the hands of her smaller opponent.

As the wild round 2 ends the only way to call it is a draw.

20-19 Byrne.

R3: For the first thirty seconds Rose looks like she did in round 1 and the start of round 2. She even gets another beauty of a right hook in on Rachel.

But it becomes clear very quickly that Rachel is tired of getting pushed around. She ducks and weaves whatever Rose throws at her and then just starts teeing off.

Rose can only cover herself up, as every time she goes to counter punch she eats a Brosnahan fist. The speed with which Rachel throws her punches gives Rose zero chance of offense. Byrne gave the smaller girl an inch and now she’s taking a mile.

As Rose keeps her guard up, Rachel dips down and starts to bang the body. Rose’s guard drops and that’s all Rachel needs to throw a lightning fast combo that leaves Rose spiraling down to the canvas.

The ref comes in and Rose can’t even get to her knees before the 10 count is finished.

Rachel Brosnahan wins via KO Round 3

Post-fight:

Jack: And there you have it, a round 3 KO for Rachel Brosnahan in her Comediennes debut. Chips, tell us how we got there.

Chips: Well as we expected, tough sledding early for Brosnahan. Rose’s reach and deceptive speed caused her a lot of trouble early. But she stayed calm, kept to her game plan, and played to her strengths. I’ll tell you what Lucy, nobody in the Comediennes can throw punches that quick.

Lucy: I haven’t seen it. And what impresses me is just how relentless Rachel was. A lot of girls with quick hands get caught up in finding a power punch. She didn’t worry about that. She took one bad swipe at Rose, but otherwise she stuck to her combos. If you can get off 3 punches with hands like that, leave the uppercuts and hooks alone. Rachel did a great job sticking to her combos tonight and that’s what got her an early knockout victory.

Jack: And here to talk with us about her debut fight is Rachel Brosnahan herself. Rachel, how does it feel to be a Comedienne?

Rachel Brosnahan: It feels great, Jack. The girls have been really warm towards me and they presented a list of fights they thought would work best for me tonight and clearly they were right.

Jack: Would you mind talking more about the process that goes into picking opponents?

Rachel: Sure, you know we might be a collection of girls who crack jokes for a living but don’t sleep on our analytic capability. I swear it’s like walking into NASA sometimes. Statistical breakdowns of what punches an opponent is most likely to throw in which round. KO rates by round, defense compromise analysis… some pretty high tech stuff. I wouldn’t be able to do it, I just throw the punches where they tell me.

Jack: You threw a good chunk of punches for a three round fight, tell us about your process as a fighter.

Rachel: Rashida Jones has a saying: “You end up face down & ass up being something you’re not.” I don’t have Rashida’s power as a flyweight. But I do have speedy hands, a high motor, clean moving feet, and I can throw a lot of different combos. So that’s what I stick with. I think I have okay power, a decent amount of pop, but nothing staggering like a Billie Eilish or anything. So I can’t fight like a Billie or Rashida. I have to win my way and I did that tonight.

Jack: Congratulations on your win, Rachel and good luck against Tisdale in the PPV.

Rachel: Thanks, Jack.

Jack: Well that does it for us tonight. On behalf of Lucy Lawless and Chips McDougal, this is Jack Gordon signing off for Comediennes Breakdown.