9. Jenny McCarthy vs. Kat Dennings (Body Paint Bout)
Feb 29, 2020 21:38:40 GMT -6
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Post by HBO's Boxing At The Asylum on Feb 29, 2020 21:38:40 GMT -6
BEFORE:
"You know what's funny," says Mac with a grin. "Any time Weirdo books someone who can actually BEAT one of his Dancing Hookers, it's a mistake. And. He's never made a bigger mistake than he did tonight."
"Here's the only thing I'm going to say," says a hard-eyed Kat. "After all the mouth-running she's done, I can't WAIT to get McCarthy's wrinkly a** in the ring!"
ROUND ONE:
O'Dell: "Back at ringside and Britney Spears joining us, since..."
Oh, the shark, babe
Has such teeth, dear...
O'Dell: "And that's Dean Martin's version of 'Mack The Knife' you hear behind us, and here comes our colleague, Jenny 'Mac The Knife' McCarthy..."
Cassie: "And, please allow me to point out she's using the Dean Martin version because Uncle Wiz BOUGHT the Bobby Darin version she USED to use and is now using it for Kennedy McMann..."
Tess: "I've seen Cassie smile a lot over the years, but rarely wider than she's smiling right now..."
Britney: "It's FUN working with the three of you. I might not mind this being a regular gig..."
O'Dell: "Mac into the ring and helped off with the robe by the Sceej corner crew. And, that's a nice red paint job for this 'Body Paint' bout."
Tess: "Nothing Mac loves more than parading around without clothes, so this is right up her alley, despite her protestations..."
O'Dell: "And, that's 'I Don't Feel Like Dancing' by Scissor Sisters you hear behind us, and here comes Kat 'The Rack' Dennings..."
Cassie: "Who has NOT forgotten that Mac bashes her every single time she fights here at Asylum, if Kat's expression can be believed..."
O'Dell: "Dennings wasting no time getting down the aisle and into the ring. She's helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve, and Kat's gone with a navy blue body paint job...and the crowd liking what it sees."
Tess: "Quite the staredown going on between the two of them..."
O'Dell: "Ladies about ready. Time for some picks. Tess likes Kat. We don't need to ask Mac or Britney who they're picking. Cassie?"
Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"
O'Dell: "And, we're underway and Mac is on her toes dancing and jabbing. Not a real surprise here. She doesn't want to get into a firefight inside with Dennings. She's done that with Kat's trainer, Neve Campbell, and if Mac doesn't remember how that turned out, well, her corner crew certainly does."
Britney: "This is actually a very good strategy for Mac. She's not 25 anymore, but she's still in good shape and moves well."
O'Dell: "And, she's making it work, jabbing, keeping away from Kat, stopping for quick pops of leather, then circling away again. Dennings patient. Stalking. Working the feet. But, at the moment, not able to bring Jenny to battle, and the blonde is having her way in there."
Tess: "Mac clearly enjoying this."
O'Dell: "No doubt. She's barely suppressing a smirk as she dances around, leading Dennings a merry chase. Kat remaining patient. Not going to walk into anything. But, she's not getting much done as the clock ticks away the final seconds of the first. There's the bell. Mac. Wide. And with the 10-9 lead."
ROUND TWO:
O'Dell: "Second begins with Mac on the move again and Dennings stalking. Kat working to cut the ring, getting that done, then working body in there. Jenny firing back but Kat having the better of things, backs up McCarthy with a right hand, forces her to cover up."
Britney: "Mac does NOT want to be in here with Kat."
O'Dell: "She slips away, but Dennings right back on her, working body, pounding the ribs and midsection. Mac tying up now, trying to slip away, but the brunette landing a nice combination to the head! She forces McCarthy against the ropes and then begins battering away at the body."
Cassie: "Just the kind of stuff Neve liked to do..."
O'Dell: "McCarthy tying up. Getting a break. Gets back to dancing, but Kat quickly angles, cuts the ring, goes back to work downstairs. McCarthy tying up and Kat landing a NICE right hook that got the blonde's attention and there's the bell. Dennings wide in the second."
Tess: "And, we're even at 19."
ROUND THREE:
O'Dell: "McCarthy on her bicycle. Getting busier with the jab now, trying to slow down the brunette's pursuit, stop her, leave her out in no man's land. Kat getting past into the phone booth and banging body again. Mac ties up, holds on, forces a break and gets back to moving."
Tess: "Truck, let's have some video of all this clinching ready the next time Mac starts complaining about a Front Street fighter doing that..."
O'Dell: "Cat and mouse game right now. Jenny scoring on the move, Kat scoring inside. Both ladies getting some of the terms they want, but not enough. McCarthy tying up again as Dennings works body. She'll get the break and get back to open ocean with Dennings in pursuit."
Britney: "Key here for Kat is patience. Just let it come. Don't force anything."
O'Dell: "That seems to be the game plan as we head into the final seconds. Dennings inside. Mac tying up. Kat banging some body until the ref breaks them apart. Mac going to dance and jab the rest of the round away. There's the bell. Nothing in it at all. Draw."
Cassie: "Which leaves us even at 29."
ROUND FOUR:
O'Dell: "Ladies still working to get their terms as we start the fourth. Mac bouncing around the ring, snapping that jab, stopping to pop here and there. Meanwhile, Kat angling, cutting the ring, then going to work inside when she can bring the blonde to battle..."
Cassie: "And, doing good work, too."
O'Dell: "That, she is, but Mac keeping those exchanges short. Either tying up or slipping away to get back to the war of movement, where the blonde has had the advantage. It's two-way stuff for the second consecutive round as McCarthy lands a nice combination to stop Kat in her tracks."
Britney: "Patience. Keep working. Keep moving."
O'Dell: "That's what Kat's doing. She gets inside and works some more body, lands a nice right uppercut that drives Jenny back a step. McCarthy then ties up, hangs on, forces a break. Ten seconds to go in the stanza, and, again, J-Mac going to leg out those final seconds. There's the bell. Close. McCarthy."
Tess: "And, Mac's up 39-38."
ROUND FIVE:
O'Dell: "Same pattern to start the fifth. Mac on the move, Kat stalking. Dennings cuts the ring, bangs some body. Mac tying up and KAT ROCKS HER WITH A RIGHT HOOK! Mac staggered, stumbles back into the ropes and Dennings letting the hands go in a BIG WAY!"
Britney: "Still patience. Let it come!"
O'Dell: "Kat banging away as Mac leans back on the ropes in a high guard. Ref looking in. Kat goes to the body, PUMMELING the midsection, then tenderizing those ribs before going back upstairs for a nice flurry that sends sweat flying. McCarthy tying up."
Tess: "Mac just trying to survive right now..."
O'Dell: "And only needs to last another twenty seconds. Ref breaks the fighters. Mac stays on the ropes in the high guard and Dennings goes downstairs, POUNDING the abs and ribs, REEFING big shot in there right to the bell. STAREDOWN as the ref leaps between the fighters and sends them to their respective corners. Shutout, Dennings."
Cassie: "And, we're even at 48."
ROUND SIX:
O'Dell: "Dennings right at Mac to start the second half. McCarthy giving ground, countering here and there, but mostly taking a lot of heavy fire. Kat working her back toward the ropes. Mac trying to circle, stay off the cables, but Dennings traps her there again and goes downstairs."
Britney: "Keep working that body."
O'Dell: "Mac tying up. Kat shoves off. MAC GOES RACK and Kat responds in kind and there is some serious jug mugging going on in there as both fighters hammer away like a JMD fight just broke out and DENNINGS LANDS THE SHOVEL HOOK AND DOWN GOES J-MAC!"
Cassie: "That's the Neve Campbell liver shot!"
O'Dell: "And Mac crashes past Kat's left shoulder to land, face first on the canvas! Dennings to a neutral corner. Count at three. Four. Five. Mac in the fetal position, both gloves wrapping that midsection. Six. Seven. Mac to all fours. Eight. Nine. And she SLUMPS BACK TO THE CANVAS! TEN! It's OVER! And your winner by KO6 is Kat 'The Rack' Dennings!"
Tess: "Wonder how Mac is going to spin this to 'I was robbed!'?"
AFTER:
O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"
Tess: "I have our winner, Kat Dennings, and, Kat, I've never seen you smiling wider after a fight..."
Kat: "Yeah. She's had a LOT to say over the years. But. She didn't have much to say when she was lying on the canvas. Probably, because she couldn't BREATHE."
O'Dell: "What's next for you?"
Kat: "I want another shot at the belts. So. Just keep working. Keep claiming scalps until I get another chance."
"You know what's funny," says Mac with a grin. "Any time Weirdo books someone who can actually BEAT one of his Dancing Hookers, it's a mistake. And. He's never made a bigger mistake than he did tonight."
"Here's the only thing I'm going to say," says a hard-eyed Kat. "After all the mouth-running she's done, I can't WAIT to get McCarthy's wrinkly a** in the ring!"
ROUND ONE:
O'Dell: "Back at ringside and Britney Spears joining us, since..."
Oh, the shark, babe
Has such teeth, dear...
O'Dell: "And that's Dean Martin's version of 'Mack The Knife' you hear behind us, and here comes our colleague, Jenny 'Mac The Knife' McCarthy..."
Cassie: "And, please allow me to point out she's using the Dean Martin version because Uncle Wiz BOUGHT the Bobby Darin version she USED to use and is now using it for Kennedy McMann..."
Tess: "I've seen Cassie smile a lot over the years, but rarely wider than she's smiling right now..."
Britney: "It's FUN working with the three of you. I might not mind this being a regular gig..."
O'Dell: "Mac into the ring and helped off with the robe by the Sceej corner crew. And, that's a nice red paint job for this 'Body Paint' bout."
Tess: "Nothing Mac loves more than parading around without clothes, so this is right up her alley, despite her protestations..."
O'Dell: "And, that's 'I Don't Feel Like Dancing' by Scissor Sisters you hear behind us, and here comes Kat 'The Rack' Dennings..."
Cassie: "Who has NOT forgotten that Mac bashes her every single time she fights here at Asylum, if Kat's expression can be believed..."
O'Dell: "Dennings wasting no time getting down the aisle and into the ring. She's helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve, and Kat's gone with a navy blue body paint job...and the crowd liking what it sees."
Tess: "Quite the staredown going on between the two of them..."
O'Dell: "Ladies about ready. Time for some picks. Tess likes Kat. We don't need to ask Mac or Britney who they're picking. Cassie?"
Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"
O'Dell: "And, we're underway and Mac is on her toes dancing and jabbing. Not a real surprise here. She doesn't want to get into a firefight inside with Dennings. She's done that with Kat's trainer, Neve Campbell, and if Mac doesn't remember how that turned out, well, her corner crew certainly does."
Britney: "This is actually a very good strategy for Mac. She's not 25 anymore, but she's still in good shape and moves well."
O'Dell: "And, she's making it work, jabbing, keeping away from Kat, stopping for quick pops of leather, then circling away again. Dennings patient. Stalking. Working the feet. But, at the moment, not able to bring Jenny to battle, and the blonde is having her way in there."
Tess: "Mac clearly enjoying this."
O'Dell: "No doubt. She's barely suppressing a smirk as she dances around, leading Dennings a merry chase. Kat remaining patient. Not going to walk into anything. But, she's not getting much done as the clock ticks away the final seconds of the first. There's the bell. Mac. Wide. And with the 10-9 lead."
ROUND TWO:
O'Dell: "Second begins with Mac on the move again and Dennings stalking. Kat working to cut the ring, getting that done, then working body in there. Jenny firing back but Kat having the better of things, backs up McCarthy with a right hand, forces her to cover up."
Britney: "Mac does NOT want to be in here with Kat."
O'Dell: "She slips away, but Dennings right back on her, working body, pounding the ribs and midsection. Mac tying up now, trying to slip away, but the brunette landing a nice combination to the head! She forces McCarthy against the ropes and then begins battering away at the body."
Cassie: "Just the kind of stuff Neve liked to do..."
O'Dell: "McCarthy tying up. Getting a break. Gets back to dancing, but Kat quickly angles, cuts the ring, goes back to work downstairs. McCarthy tying up and Kat landing a NICE right hook that got the blonde's attention and there's the bell. Dennings wide in the second."
Tess: "And, we're even at 19."
ROUND THREE:
O'Dell: "McCarthy on her bicycle. Getting busier with the jab now, trying to slow down the brunette's pursuit, stop her, leave her out in no man's land. Kat getting past into the phone booth and banging body again. Mac ties up, holds on, forces a break and gets back to moving."
Tess: "Truck, let's have some video of all this clinching ready the next time Mac starts complaining about a Front Street fighter doing that..."
O'Dell: "Cat and mouse game right now. Jenny scoring on the move, Kat scoring inside. Both ladies getting some of the terms they want, but not enough. McCarthy tying up again as Dennings works body. She'll get the break and get back to open ocean with Dennings in pursuit."
Britney: "Key here for Kat is patience. Just let it come. Don't force anything."
O'Dell: "That seems to be the game plan as we head into the final seconds. Dennings inside. Mac tying up. Kat banging some body until the ref breaks them apart. Mac going to dance and jab the rest of the round away. There's the bell. Nothing in it at all. Draw."
Cassie: "Which leaves us even at 29."
ROUND FOUR:
O'Dell: "Ladies still working to get their terms as we start the fourth. Mac bouncing around the ring, snapping that jab, stopping to pop here and there. Meanwhile, Kat angling, cutting the ring, then going to work inside when she can bring the blonde to battle..."
Cassie: "And, doing good work, too."
O'Dell: "That, she is, but Mac keeping those exchanges short. Either tying up or slipping away to get back to the war of movement, where the blonde has had the advantage. It's two-way stuff for the second consecutive round as McCarthy lands a nice combination to stop Kat in her tracks."
Britney: "Patience. Keep working. Keep moving."
O'Dell: "That's what Kat's doing. She gets inside and works some more body, lands a nice right uppercut that drives Jenny back a step. McCarthy then ties up, hangs on, forces a break. Ten seconds to go in the stanza, and, again, J-Mac going to leg out those final seconds. There's the bell. Close. McCarthy."
Tess: "And, Mac's up 39-38."
ROUND FIVE:
O'Dell: "Same pattern to start the fifth. Mac on the move, Kat stalking. Dennings cuts the ring, bangs some body. Mac tying up and KAT ROCKS HER WITH A RIGHT HOOK! Mac staggered, stumbles back into the ropes and Dennings letting the hands go in a BIG WAY!"
Britney: "Still patience. Let it come!"
O'Dell: "Kat banging away as Mac leans back on the ropes in a high guard. Ref looking in. Kat goes to the body, PUMMELING the midsection, then tenderizing those ribs before going back upstairs for a nice flurry that sends sweat flying. McCarthy tying up."
Tess: "Mac just trying to survive right now..."
O'Dell: "And only needs to last another twenty seconds. Ref breaks the fighters. Mac stays on the ropes in the high guard and Dennings goes downstairs, POUNDING the abs and ribs, REEFING big shot in there right to the bell. STAREDOWN as the ref leaps between the fighters and sends them to their respective corners. Shutout, Dennings."
Cassie: "And, we're even at 48."
ROUND SIX:
O'Dell: "Dennings right at Mac to start the second half. McCarthy giving ground, countering here and there, but mostly taking a lot of heavy fire. Kat working her back toward the ropes. Mac trying to circle, stay off the cables, but Dennings traps her there again and goes downstairs."
Britney: "Keep working that body."
O'Dell: "Mac tying up. Kat shoves off. MAC GOES RACK and Kat responds in kind and there is some serious jug mugging going on in there as both fighters hammer away like a JMD fight just broke out and DENNINGS LANDS THE SHOVEL HOOK AND DOWN GOES J-MAC!"
Cassie: "That's the Neve Campbell liver shot!"
O'Dell: "And Mac crashes past Kat's left shoulder to land, face first on the canvas! Dennings to a neutral corner. Count at three. Four. Five. Mac in the fetal position, both gloves wrapping that midsection. Six. Seven. Mac to all fours. Eight. Nine. And she SLUMPS BACK TO THE CANVAS! TEN! It's OVER! And your winner by KO6 is Kat 'The Rack' Dennings!"
Tess: "Wonder how Mac is going to spin this to 'I was robbed!'?"
AFTER:
O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"
Tess: "I have our winner, Kat Dennings, and, Kat, I've never seen you smiling wider after a fight..."
Kat: "Yeah. She's had a LOT to say over the years. But. She didn't have much to say when she was lying on the canvas. Probably, because she couldn't BREATHE."
O'Dell: "What's next for you?"
Kat: "I want another shot at the belts. So. Just keep working. Keep claiming scalps until I get another chance."
