Kira Kosarin versus Jenny McCarthy

Press conference: Lively to say the least! Jenny McCarthy, scolding press about the “young lioness v. cougar” angle, “What is this? National Geographic? Look, this kid can fight … props to her … but no one she’s been in with before can prepare her for Jenny McCarthy, ok? This kid’s getting taken to school and if she gets bratty with me, she might get a spanking to boot!”

Kira gives as good as she gets … and more! “I have nothing but respect for Jenny McCarthy and what she’s meant to the HISTORY of the FCBA (emphasis on ‘history’ drawing some whistles from press and a frown from J-Mac). I grew up watching her fights, and let me tell you, some of those bouts were legendary! Like the time when she mixed it up with Marilyn Monroe …” And with that press corps erupts into laughter – Jenny just smoldering and flustered – not used to being upstaged at the presser!

Fight night: Lights down, base starts to thump over sound system, crowd applause builds and we hear the late great Bobby Darin croon “Oh the shark, babe … has such teeth, dear …” and here comes Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy, accompanied by Sceej head trainer Scrubby McGee and her second Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin. McCarthy shimmies out of the robe, kelly green sports bra and bottoms, white Playboy bunny head on one cup and white shamrock on the other, black gloves and boots. Tight lips and baleful stares from the Mac-ster – not her usual clowning – she’s on verge of REAL title contention at 46 years of age! She needs a win against a top ten bantam and Kira Kosarin fits the bill.

Kira “the K.O. Kid” Kosarin going old school (though not Bobby Darin old!), to ring to LL Cool J chanting “Mama said knock you out …” She’s accompanied by trainer Nadia Bjorlin, who dropped a KO2 on Big Bad Gena Lee way back in ’07 – there’s gonna be no intimidation factor here! Kira into ring a pink sports bra with baby-blue boy leg bottoms, white gloves and boots, her hair in ponytail – all bouncing with youthful energy.

Round 1: Bell rings and girls right at each other, Kira Kosarin only about an inch taller but very much the bigger girl, dukes up and leaning forward, Jenny Mac with left dangling at hip and right cocked. Kira pounds jab, a real telephone pole, to McCarthy cheek and chest, shot to cheek picked off with glove but shot to the rack lands flush and drives blonde back, drawing roar from big crowd. J-Mac grins and beckons young brunette forward and Kira only too happy to oblige. Kosarin jabs, feigns right follow up and then goes left right left to the body, thumping shots. Jenny responds with cuffing right hand which skids off opponent’s scalp. Playmate driven inexorably back into and partially through ropes, Jenny’s backside thrusting out as she is pressed back by thumping body attack. Mac looking to respond but no leverage or punching distance, limited to little cuffing shots to the crown of Kira’s head and her shoulders. No grin from the blonde now as she is fighting with desperation, brunette content to set up shot and hammer midriff, knowing it will pay dividends later. Jenny finally able to clinch, Kira looking to wrestle hands free. When referee breaks the fighters, J-Mac sporting a noticeably pinking belly. Now it’s Kira with the grin as she marches on her blonde. McCarthy shoots the jab and skips to her left. Kira theatrically draws line with her foot and beckons Mac “come on!”. Bell rings and the Kosarin fans on their feet – big first round for young upstart!

Rounds 2-4: Jenny McCarthy putting on a clinic and banking rounds! Masterful precision boxing, flashing hand and foot speed that should just not be there at her age. Kira looking to close but that jab is just so in her face, a constant irritant … pap pap pap … and when she does get close, Jenny’s gone with cute little heel turns out of trouble. As frustration mounts, the young brunette starts lunging … and wily blonde fox cracks her with the right hand leads. In the fourth, straight right hand puts a shimmy in Kosarin’s knees. McCarthy crowd starts the chant “… Jenny … Jenny … Jenny …”. J-Mac leading the cheers from her corner, refusing stool, waving gloved hand above head to the rhythm of the chant. Scrubby McGee irritated, snarling, “What are ye - a goddam cheerleader?!! Knock it off! Pay attention to dat goil across da ring … she ain’t done! She ain’t near done!”

Jenny O’Dell commenting ringside, “Jenny’s ALWAYS had this capability – she’s like another Billy Conn! She hurts you … and then she’s gone! Why she doesn’t do it more? You’d have to ask her … makes no sense … but then, we ARE talking about Jenny McCarthy! Thing is, I don’t know that she can keep it up for ten rounds.”

Kira Kosarin looking scuffed up in the corner but no panic. Bjorlin in her ear, “Listen, you’re ok, got it? When she circles, you cut her off, get in front of her, make her stop … and then get rough, understand? Hit anything … shoulder, forerarms, whatever …. just put gloves on her and maul … make her work … make her take it … then walk her to the ropes and bust her up to the body! Remember the tapes of her fights with Campbell? Just get your head on her chest and move your hands and this bimbo wilts under the pressure! You set the pace, Kira, you set the pace!”

Round 5: Kira Kosarin out with a renewed sense of purpose. When McCarthy skips left and beckons younger woman to pursue, Kira ain’t buyin’ – raises dukes and demands “C’mon … bring it, b*tch!” – pricking the blonde’s pride, goading that famous temper. Jenny snarls, advances, throws jab and straight right, looks to get out but Kira in hot pursuit! Young brunette cuts the ring and left right lefts to the blonde chassis – J-Mac turtles up and takes the punches on the forearms but backed into ropes by sheer weight of shot. Kira sets her forehead on McCarthy chest and goes to work – left to the ribs … right uppercut blocked … pops hips right and DIGS the hook to the liver and NOW the follow-up uppercut lifts blonde out of her defensive crouch onto her toes. Jenny spins out … blonde clearly hurting … Kira advances and SHE gets rung up! Sneaky right hand lead and the younger fighter stumbles a half step back. Now its Mac … forgetting boxing … stomping foot and demanding Kosarin “C’mon … c’mon … why you standin’ there?!!!” Kira Kosarin is dead game! Right at the blonde and the two trade shots mid ring … straight right to chin by McCarthy … left hook to the ribs Kosarin … left hook to the jaw Kosarin … J-Mac looks to get cute again and sucker Kira into right uppercut but Kosarin slips it and punishes McCarthy left right to the midriff. Crowd on their feet at fierce two way action for final thirty seconds of round. Bell rings and fighters are chesting up and jawing at each other - referee between them quickly. Back and forth round but consensus gives Kosarin the close nod.

Round 6: Blazing fifth round took a lot out of both fighters – thing is, twenty two year old Kira still has a lot in the tank. Off stool to Bjorlin hissing in her ear “Pace … pace … no breaks for her!”. J-Mac looking to dance but on shot legs – all that early body work taking a toll. Kosarin marches on her … McCarthy backpedaling and taking a toll with the jab but Kosarin willing to pay that toll to get where she needs to be – inside! Kira closes and the two women exchange shots – Mac clouting left hook of the temple and younger girl rips right to the sternum. Clinch center ring and strong legged Kira inexorably walks Playmate back to the ropes where she again sets up shop. Left right to ribs … McCarthy responds with slapping hook to the temple … Kira pops hips and digs hook to the liver … and again … McCarthy groans and starts to fold over … Kosarin muscles her upright and continuous to pound the body. Kira twists into left uppercut that snaps blonde’s neck back … Jenny reaching weak limbed … looking to clinch but Kira not having it … wrestles arms free … takes a step back … and Kira Kosarin shows blinding hand speed as she saturation bombs that famous Playmate rack. McCarthy just taking punishment …weak pawing left no deterrent! Brunette hammers right hand to temple … right to jaw … third right catches only air as battered blonde sags to the canvas. Kosarin seething as she is escorted to neutral corner by ref. Ref picks up the count over a spent Jenny Mac, who makes it to one knee before toppling over onto side. “… 8 … 9 … 10 … yer out!” Winner by knockout if the sixth … Kira “The K.O. Kid” Kosarin!!!

Post fight: Kosarin over to corner, earning an icy glare from Big Bad Gena Lee, but its only for a word and a pat on cheek with vanquished cougar. Ring interview: “Jenny McCarthy? She’s still a tough old b*tch, what can I say … I let her take some middle rounds because she was burning energy she didn’t have … then I closed in and closed the show. Point is … you’re not looking at a top ten bantam … you’re looking at the best in the world! Look … I get that I’m gonna get in line to get another shot at the straps but I pity whoever is in front of me on that line because I am coming for what’s mine!”