Cougars After Dark: Meghan Markle vs Denise Richards

Meghan Markle vs Denise Richards
(12-10, 11 KO vs 34-51-2, 21 KO)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: Meghan Markle is ready to resume her boxing career after bailing on the House of Windsor royal titles earlier this month. There was enough controversy for The Sun to steal all the headlines in the UK but it's back to the drawing board for the California-born cougar. "Hello to Mrs. Independent again, I'm soooo BACK!", Meghan admits her inactivity over the past twelve months - save for a KO4 punchout of Angelina Jolie - was down to special orders from the almighty Queen herself: "I haven't lost the boxing bug by any means and now I can go out there and punch some stupid bimbo again! Gonna be soo much fun, people!" (laughs).

Meanwhile Denise Richards isn't in such a jolly mood whatsoever, she got bounced by Joanna Krupa and Poppy Montgomery lately but thinks Meghan's ego will bite her in the backside tonight: "Geez, Markle is so full of herself I can't stand it! It's all eyez on me attitude. Sheesh... been there myself in the digital era but this is something else! Who cares she knocked Angelina out? It's not 1999 anymore! Angelina is trash and so is Meghan! I'm gonna whup her ass bad tonight!"

Meghan Markle wears a red crop top, black hotpants & red gloves. Long dark brown hair tied in a sleek ponytail. Denise Richards wears a turquoise bikini set & black gloves. Long brown hair with a blonde dye tied in a curled ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the bantamweight division.

Round 1:
Meghan tries to take it to the house from the opening bell but her head-hunting attacks fly wide of the mark and encourages Denise into a proper counter-punching response that finds early success instead. Denise rides the southpaw wave to stick single punches into the brunette's face before blasting a left harpoon down on the liver area which bends the younger actress into spasms. Meghan's footwork isn't agile enough to escape a flurry of jabs that gives Richards more comfort and drops Markle into an earmuff defense along the ropes come the second minute. Denise raises the jabbing level and neutralizes Meghan's swinging from the back foot before another wild hook nails the reeling woman across the mouth and bends her sideways at the bell.

Round 2:
Denise comes out swinging and lands the initial right on Meghan's nose before the follow up shoots above the head and allows Meghan to NAIL the older woman on the jaw instead. Ugh! Denise wobbles forward with a loud yelp and eats another one-two uppercut blast on the chin with Meghan slicing a low hook on the navel to turn the fellow brunette around on the spot. Denise gets stuck on her heels and soaks up a point-blank range assault that adds some visible bruises on her face come the second minute. Meghan is still glued to the head-hunting attack which eventually loses all the steam but Richards is stranded on her heels and unable to match the high-intensity drill whatsoever. She looks very vulnerable while getting hit which was the story of her recent comeback all along and only Markle's poor execution prevents her from shutting down the older foe wholesale.

Round 3:
Meghan gallops into another head-hunting pursuit and tags Denise's chin from both flanks before the older actress steps into the punch and bangs one on the mouth that drops Markle into sudden spasms. Both cougars light up the sheet with high-octane punching however the precision goes away come the one minute mark and the damage appears to be minimal with both women bouncing off the forearms and cutting thin air until Meghan whacks the older foe on the nose with a brutal right and beats her for another punch moments later. Richards takes the second one with a whimper and wobbles forward just as Markle steps into a nasty right hook that catches the chin on the flush.... DOWN GOES RICHARDS!!!! That's simply too much for the cougar who drops onto her knees with a loud whimper while Meghan yells out in delight. She struts back to her corner while Denise sits down on her heels to soak up the standard eight count. She breaths very hard but is ready to go after a delayed command and the ref appears to be a fan of hers or something since Markle argues the count was extended for no reason other than save Denise's pride here. She mounts another head-hunting run but the southpaw response tags her on the nose a couple of times as Denise barks in her efforts to survive the chase and racks up a late jabbing flurry that rocks Markle's head against the script.

Round 4:
Meghan is clearly upset over the count and argues with the ref during the break while Denise rocks her with another chin-checking test early in the fourth. Both cougars settle down for the single punch aggression with Richards working the left jab that tags the brunette's lips all too often and results in a visible swelling around the area. Markle seemingly wants to knock her opponent's head off but the one-dimensional attack actually allows Richards to settle in the recovery and match the brunette punch for punch since Meghan doesn't inspire that much speed around her presence. Tempo of the fight drops right down before Richards sends a looping harpoon to the body and tries to cash in with some low strikes alas Markle clinches her and throws onto the ropes where both women descend into a lenghty stalemate. Bell sends them away but Meghan still barges the fellow actress in the chest and seeths into her ear which prompts an angry response from Richards and the ref has to separate them again.

Round 5:
Denise tries to catch Meghan off guard downstairs again and drops a couple of blows into the exposed midriff however she's careless enough not to raise her right arm fast enough and gets nailed with a vicious uppercut on the chin before Markle adds a cross hook on the nose that sends Richards onto her heels. She tries to swing back but finds nothing except thin air and Meghan plants her front (left) leg before booming a right hand into her opponent's nose with proper authority! BOOM! Denise in HURT!!! Ugh! That's the loudest scowl of pain alright and Richards groans even more when Meghan adds a left cross on the chin! Someone goes all wobbly butt here while Meghan manages to drive one brutal shot yet and sends the gumshield flying out of Richards' mouth when she SMOKES her with another right hand!!! She renders Denise limp on the spot and the older cougar simply SLIDES DOWN ON THE CANVAS IN DEAD MEAT fashion moments later!!! She gone! The count is waved off at five since it's simply a waste of time! Nasty KO5 Meghan Markle!!!

AFTER: "Stupid c###! Take that pipe in your mouth and smoke some!", Meghan gloats over the apparently unconscious fellow cougar and tries to add more insult to injury before the medical crew crowds the ring and sends the Duchess of Sussex back to her corner. She's still very animated as Denise is stretched off a couple of minutes later and demands more respect from the somewhat stunned audience: "C'mon! That was pure fun! Denise's cougar run is sooo over. Hell, she's a frickin' punchbag these days while I'm going off on a run! Bantamweight is filled with proud wannabees who deserve to be put in their place and I'm up for the job! Just watch me tear 'em ALL up!" (giggles).

Official Result: Meghan Markle def. Denise Richards KO5.