St. Paddy's Day bare knuckles -"Erin Go Bra-less"

Posting this two days early as I will hopefully be in no condition to post anything but bail on Saturday and Sunday night!  Thanks to Lookout for results and Dollhouse again for amazing promotional poster.

It’s an annual FCBA tradition – Hibernian style bare knuckles bout to celebrate St. Padraic’s Day – and who better to help celebrate than two of the originals. Way back in 2006, Jenny O’Dell and Jenny McCarthy went toe to toe. Thirteen years later, O’Dell is back as promoter while Mac the Knife is still throwing hands with women half her age at the ripe age of 46! Invitation only with limited capacity at The Black Rose Pub in Boston Massachusetts and it is most definitely a hot ticket; the rest of us will have to watch the pay per view live broadcast. Along with the usual high rollers from the business, politics, and entertainment world, FCBA royalty is well represented. The lovely Miss Ginny present with a bevy of Chimera lovelies. Front Street and Bazz in full effect, the Grand Wizard pulling on a PBR, and an arm around Beth Harnois and Poindexter Del Crunchy sipping a single malt with the mischievous Cassie Scerbo. Tractorpull reporter Tess Valmore a guest of Front Street, enjoying relative peace and privacy at what is a very crowded bar as one “Big Paulie” advises other patrons that this is a private section.

Crowd entertained by the Drop Kick Murphys, Jenny O’Dell beaming at what is clearly a huuuuge live gate and figures to be an even bigger PPV. The fact that Kendra Wilkinson called Jenny Mac out months ago adding juice; Kendra been telling anyone who’ll listen that McCarthy is waaaaaaay past her sell by date and its time the Playboy franchise had a new face in the FCBA. St. Paticks Day event - Kendra of English and Ukrainian heritage but a smidgen of Irish blood – and why should ethnicity ever get in the way of a good grudge match? O’Dell working the crowd, stops for a word with the Wizard, “Wiz, thanks about the Campbell thing? I hope Neve understands? I LIKE Neve and would have loved for her to be here but … I can’t risk it, you know? I could lose my main event if …”

“Save it, Jenny. Neve’s fine – understands completely. Although … (and the Man in the Hat chuckles) … just the thought of Neve and McCrazy in the same room with a couple of drinks in them? That’d top the Tokyo thing!”

Jenny’s ears perk up, “Tokyo? So that DID happen? You’ve seen it?”

Wiz holds up palm, indicating THIS conversation is over, “Jenny … you have other guests … mingle!”.

Pointy to Wiz in conspiratorial tone, “So … how you wagering? McCarthy bested her once, she should beat her again?”

Grand Wizard with a cryptic smile, “Whole different circumstances, my friend. That was almost ten years ago. The kid was making her FCBA debut fer cryin’ out loud and McCrazy had like 50 fights. Plus the kid’s in her physical prime now and McPunchy is runnin’ on fumes … no idea why Sceej even signed off on this comeback? Forty six freakin’ years old?”

Pointy, “So your money is on Kendra?”

Wiz, “Pointy, my money is in my pocket … where its stayin’. Think I’m just gonna enjoy the show. Funny thing the way these things come first circle. First time they fought was also an O’Dell promotion … beach fight back in 2009. I wasn’t even in this racket yet but yeah I saw the fight … and the aftermath.”

Pointy, “Aftermath?”

Wiz, “Kendra honkey tonked her with a cooler and basically spanked her ass center ring. Can’t say I approved of the tactic – though Blondie definitely earned the spanking (chuckle).”

Jenny O’Dell calls for mic, “Ladies and Gentlemen .. a very Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! On behalf of the management, welcome to the historic Black Rose Pub! And now, for your entertainment, Jenny O’Dell Promotions presents an evening of traditional Irish boxing. No gloves, no time limit … this will be a fight to the finish! Introducing first … fighting out of Chicago, Illinois … she stands 5’7” and weighs in at 132 pounds … she is a former FCBA bantamweight champion and the self proclaimed greatest Fighting Playmate of all time … Jenny …. Mac the Knife … McCarthy!!!”

And the Dropkick Murphys roll into a passable version of “Mac the Knife” as Jenny McCarthy strides out, accompanied by Scrubby McGee, Adrianne Palicki and Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin. McCarthy high fiving fans, hands taped … doing it up for the day in kelly green sports bra with white shamrocks, matching shoes, and boy shorts … with “Pogue Mahone” in white lettering on the butt cheeks … and we will leave it to you Gaelic scholars to figure THAT one out!

Cassie Scerbo to Tess Valmore, “Uhm, why is Jenny so heavy?”

Tess, “It’s tactical … there’s no weight limit and she’s the naturally bigger woman, so she’s gonna look to exploit that.”

“And her opponent … most recently of Odds & Ends Studio … she stands 5’4” tall and weighed in at a trim 111 pounds … the pride of San Diego … Playboy’s “Girl Next Door” … Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeendra Wilkinson! She is accompanied by her friend and second Holly Madison … and her trainer for this bout … FCBA Hall of Famer … Neve Campbell!”

Drop Kick Murphys tear into the more familiar “Barroom Hero” and Kendra to ring to wild raucous cheers, wearing white boy shorts and shoes … and nothing else?!! Oh, no she didn’t!!! Well, that explains the applause! Kendra Wilkinson apparently intends to fight … topless? Miss Ginny slamming hand on table “Now THAT’S what I’m talking about!”

McCarthy livid!!! “Try to show me up?!!” she mumbles to self as she struggles to get her own top off, “Think I never fought topless? I was knocking sluts out at the Mansion when this b*tch was in pigtails! And trying to throw me off bringing that Canadian b*tch? After I knock Wilkinson’s skinny ass out … I’m gonna drag Campbell the hell out here and beat her ass too!”

Unmitigated chaos reigns …

O’Dell to Wizard “Wiz, you promised me!” Wizards shrugs “I didn’t invite her, Jen, I kept my word …. I mean, I’d HEARD that Wilkinson was looking to talk to Neve about the book on fighting McPunchy … never dreamed she was asking her to train her …”

Owner to O’Dell “Jenny .. I … I can’t have them fightin’ nekkid! I could lose me liquor license!!!” – O’Dell quieting him with another 5% of the gross.

Palicki to Scrubby McGee, “Uhm, Mister McGee, should Jenny be taking her clothes off? “ to which Scrubby responds, “Addie … ya may not be aware but our little Jenny’s done dis before.”

McCarthy tosses shamrock emblazoned sports bra into crowd, wild scrum of souvenir hunters, Miss Ginny triumphantly ends up with the garment for the Chimera trophy case!

Referee calls fighters to center ring for instructions – “ring” a bit of a misnomer – it’s a roped off section of the bar’s back room with hardwood floor. Ref explains it’s Hibernian rules - a fight to the finish with three minute rounds – the bout will be stopped when a fighter is counted out or her corner elects to stop the fight. Jenny oblivious to Kendra during instructions, seething and staring daggers at Neve Campbell, who returns stare with just the tiniest hint of a smirk. Miss Ginny’s request that the fighter’s pose shaking hands before fisticuffs is not too politely declined – she snaps a picture anyway and tweets “Why aren’t ALL FCBA fights topless? Just askin’?”

Pointy to Wizard “Brilliant. Kendra’s used Neve to get inside McCarthy’s head … she’s not focused.”

Wizard, “Inside of McCrazy’s head is a very very lonely place - as close to a total vacuum as exist in the natural world.”

Cassie to Wiz “Uncle Wiz, you KNEW Neve was coming, right?”

Wiz, cryptic smile, “No comment, kid!”

Round 1: Bell sounds and fighters out of their corners, Jenny thumbing nose traditional bar room style. Cautious opening thirty seconds, crowd pressing for action with a chant “Here we go … here we go … here we go …”. McCarthy flicks jab and then throws overhand right, Wilk ducks, slips punch, pounds left right to the body and dances out. Jenny drawing line with toe and beckoning Kendra to step up but the younger, smaller woman is well schooled, happy to roam perimeter and use her speed. J-Mac feeling pressure, takes the fight to Wilkinson, stalking with left slung low, trying to bait her into exchanges … and it works. Kendra plants back foot and fires right hand lead, which bounces off Jenny’s scalp, grazing shot. Jenny shoots into clinch – no gloves makes the inside wrestling aspect a whole other ball game in bare knuckles fighting – Jenny able to hold and hit, wrapping left around Kendra’s back and thumping right to ribs and then pounding the jugs. Boos for the referee when he breaks the clinch. Call of “Let them fight!” from Chimera. Kendra a little rattled by the mauling and skips around perimeter, throwing jab which comes up consistently short. Jenny, ever the brat, sticks her tongue out when the bell ends the round.

Round 2: Neve in Kendra’s grill between rounds, “You can’t win a decision, got it? It’s got to be a knockout! So knock off the dancing! See that jiggle around her middle? That’s where you beat her. McCarthy don’t like it to the body – trust me, I know! You bust her to the body, she’ll quit!”

Different Kendra Wilikinson out of the corner. Straight at J-Mac and they start to trade, pier 6 style. Jenny with a little more thump but offset by Kendra’s faster hands. Mac pounds left to ribs, look for uppercut to chin but Wilkie snakes neck back and counters, digs hook to liver, then doubles it, drawing a cheer from crowd and a groan from J-Mac, finishes combo with left uppercut to sternum which has Jenny’s jugs a jostling. Jenny lowers head and rams Kendra, heavy impact to sternum and just rides her back to the loose ropes, but Kendra with a slick spin and Jenny hurls past ropes (just a single strand around four posts) and into the roaring crowd, where she is gathered up. Mac enraged, looks to bolt back into ring, but not before belting stockbroker in jaw whose hand lingered a just a bit toooooooo long on Playmate puppies! “Fight smart!” calls Neve out of corner. Kendra flicking jab pap pap pap … nose … forehead … tits …toying with the blond bull, then slick heel turn to avoid rushes. Late in round, Mac get in her licks, ties up Kendra in clinch with left around her back and pounds right to rib cage. “Ref … she’s got my hair!!!” and Jenny scolded when ref finds she does in fact have handful of ponytail. Good round for Wilk!

Round 3: Scrubby McGee with a shot of Jamesons for Mac (and two for Scrubby) and the admonition, “Get rough wit dis goil, Jenny Mac, she wants ta box … make her fight!” Kendra circling perimeter, dukes high … Jenny grins, theatrically clasps hands behind back Conor McGregor style and sticks her chin out “C’mon … I’ll give you a free one … c’mon …” Kendra reluctant, cautious … and crowd starts booing. Kendra loads up right … and is on wrong end of a head butt! “Da Liverpool Nutter!” chortles Scrubby in the corner! Kendra staggers back, reeling, and its the full Mac Attack!!! Jenny left right left to the body … and then then bring left hook up to the jaw which corkscrews her younger opponent’s neck. Wilk reeling … looks to grab on … playing into Jenny Mac’s hands. “That’s it, b*tch … come to Jenny!”, she grins, wrapping up Kendra with right arm and pumping short uppercuts with left. Jugg .. chin …jugg … pounded relentlessly. Bell rings and ref has to physically separate the fighters, Jenny adding a cuffing shot on the break which glances off battered blonde’s scalp. Ref scolding Jenny but Mac oblivious … mugging for crowd with arms raised … taking an offered pint of Guiness from Miss Ginny at the Chimera table, draining it, and lamming it down emphatically! “You KNOW I’m coming for Theron, right?” Miss Ginny just smirks, “Charlize is not hard to find.”

Palicki aghast, “Should Jenny be drinking during the fight?”

Gena Lee smirks, “You wanna try and stop her, kid?”

Round 4: Wilkinson corner, Kendra on stool resting while McCarthy clowns for crowd. Madison icing her neck, Neve in her face, “She’s gonna come hard to finish, understand? There’s no where to run – you gotta stand and GET your respect! You work her gut, understand? The body … the body … the body … keep your hands moving until SHE steps back! You’ll take her heart and then she’s beat!”

Jenny O’Dell working through crowd, spots the Wizard sipping a PBR, Mac’s lookin’ good … nervous, Wiz”.

“Nervous, Jenny?” chuckles the Man in the Hat, “Never have been … never will be ... you know that.”

Jenny McCarthy hard out of the corner, looking to finish and Kendra Wilkinson meets her mid-ring and it’s a Pier 6 special! Both girls slinging punches, Mac with wide hooks, Kendra bobbing and weaving slipping most, occasionally rung up. Wilk just looking to bury head between the two talents that made Jenny a star and move her hands … chup chup chup … just digging to the body. Battle of attrition … battle of wills .. and J-Mac starts to sag from the tummy thumping! Jenny pulls back and a loud “Yeah!” out of Neve Campbell in the Kendra corner earns a glare of hate, but J-Mac has other things to worry about besides her old nemesis crowing. Crowd applauding reversal … smaller woman now stalking the bigger … Jenny Mac with perplexed look.

Wizard to Pointy, “See that? That’s doubt! Nothing worse for a fighter.”

Cassie Scerbo, “Like you say, Uncle Wiz, if you’re not sure you’re gonna win, you’re gonna lose!”

Kendra Wilkinson backing McCarthy up ... bobbing under wild right handed haymakers from a desperate ‘Greatest Fighting Playmate of all Time” …Wilkie just blasting that stomach, which is pinking up. Jenny forced to the strand, trying to bend forward to protect midriff but Kendra with shoulder low just levering her upright … AND KENDRA WANTS JUGG! Kendra letting hands fly and has Jenny’s jugs jostling … scalding firebombing of the assets leaves McCarthy in a stupor at the bell!

Cassie Scerbo to Tess Valmore “Wow, now THAT’s a jugg-mugging! One more shot and we might have had a chemical spill … break out the hazmat suits …”

Tess, “She’ll hear you!” (but snickers ...)

Cassie, “Relax, girlfriend! Look at her! Only thing Mac is hearing is birdies chirping around her head!”

Round 5: Scrubby McGee working frantically to revive jugg shocked J-Mac, tells Palicki, “Gimme the bottle, Addie!”. When Palicki hands over water bottle, exasperated McGee, “Not dat one, da whiskey!!!” as he tries to revive battered blonde Roscommon style with a swig of Jamesons.

Bell for round 5, and now its K-Wilk looking to finish, stalking Jenny Mac, who appears on shaky legs! Neve Campbell sending her out on search and destroy, “Finish her now … NOW!”. Kendra feints with over hand right and goes left right to belly, drawing a grunt. Jabs … doubles the jab … looks to triple and … KABOOM! Jenny McCarthy with right hand from her hip, thrown like a sashweight and Kendra is gob-smacked! Roar from partisan Irish crowd! Wilkinson just staring – dazed by huge right hand. McCarthy sleepy herself, manages follow up uppercut to chin …then double overhand right and Wilkerson puddles on bar room floor. Ref’s ten count is a formality … it could have been one hundred!

Winner by knockout in the fifth round – Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy!

Post Fight: Jenny Mac throws hands in air in triumph, swigs an offered Guiness from the crowd, and loudly calls for management to “Sweep up this mess!” pointing toward an unconscious Kendra Wilkinson sprawled on the bar room floor. Nervous owner of the Black Rose in quickly to cajole topless Jenny to put on a “Black Rose Pub – Boston” T-shirt.

One half hour later, Jenny on stage with the Drop Kick Murphys, singing loud (and off key!). Bellowing into microphone, “Where’s Campbell? Neve, you still here? Cuz I was just getting warmed up …”

Grimly smiling Neve Campbell looks to leave the bar, but hand on shoulder from Man in the Hat, “Not worth it, kid .. she deserves it but she’s not worth it.”

Jenny calling for Theron next, “Hey Ginny .. you bring that Gilded Goddess with you? She afraid to get down and dirty with the Mac-ster?”

Jenny’s calling out of half of the FCBA finally halted when she hears a familiar chord and wails into microphone, “… so kiss me … I’m sh*tfaced …”

Happy St. Patricks Day!