Cougars After Dark on HBO: Eva Mendes vs Jenny McCarthy

Eva Mendes vs Jenny McCarthy
(Lioness Club of America vs Sceej Boxing)
30-22-1, 25 KO vs 57-55-1, 41 KO)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: Guess who's back? Both these cougars could ride that slogan entering the Celebrity Boxing After Dark mission and technically this match-up was in the making all the way back in 2012 already when Eva Mendes first joined the Lioness Club of America. However Jenny McCarthy decided to retire from the ring and pursue the HBO play-by-play contract during the Asylum PPV broadcasts just when Mendes was ready to issue the challenge. It's the one who got away six years ago but not anymore and The Comeback is very much on!

Mendes has focused on flyweight/bantam coaching duties ever since Nina Dobrev joined the Lioness entourage but claims not to be retired "if the right woman issues a challenge". Obviously Jenny Mac IS the right woman for anyone who follows her controversial career and the Sceej Boxing revival is definitely fuelled by her HBO connections. Moreover it's the very same HBO deal that postponed this fight from the original PPV spot since Jenny refused to share screen time with "a bunch of no-names and dancing hookers!". It's all-eyez-on-me approach from the Illinois native and has it ever been any different with the former Playmate legend?

Eva Mendes wears her trademark leopard print bikini top, black hip-huggers and red gloves. Long dark brown hair tied in a curled ponytail. Jenny McCarthy wears a red bikini set and white gloves. Long blonde hair tied in a sleek ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the bantamweight division.

Round 1:
Eva taunts the blonde by calling her through her married name as both cougars deke and weave around in the early stages: "Is that Wahlberg or actually Walmart? I think I've heard that name before...", Huh! That blows the blonde's gasket as she leaps at the brunette with a wild swinging attack that actually finds the target and smacks Mendes across her lips. Jenny barks in her head-hunting efforts and rattles Mendes from both flanks before dropping to punish the exposed ribcage: "Don't call me Walmart, bytch!" The action gets so hot the ref almost gets in the way as McCarthy drives her foe backwards and traps her along the ropes where she ignores the earmuff cover and hauls in more spikes on the body that leave Mendes neutralized for remainder of the round. Guess she regrets teasing the blonde now as Mac pounds more Latin tummy to close out the round and yells out in delight when the bell finally halts her charge.

Round 2:
Jenny begins to gloat too much over that opening round and runs into a jabbing buzzsaw that reels her back however she refuses to back off into mid-range and settles for a slugging exchange she eventually loses! Ugh! Eva shows she's still got some juice left in the tank as she clobbers the blonde to the body and avoids getting clinched; she keeps spiking the blonde to the body and whips her onto the heels when she finds the connection with the chin. Mac is forced to get the heck outta there but she loses her footing and gets whacked by the brunette up the middle which sends her into a trap along the ropes. Mendes rallies to clean out her tummy and keeps her in shut down mode until the bell.

Round 3:
Some angry yells from the Mac corner during the break but she's up for more slugging as she storms out of her stool to connect with Eva's body. She fais to split the stubborn guard and almost head-butts the other woman to make her frustration go away alas it doesn't work and a scything cross on the jaw makes her think better off it. "Damn it, bytch!" Her anger gets the better of her production which allows Mendes to control the mid-range dispute thereafter however there's not enough genuine power behind her shots so Jenny rides it out through not-so-fancy-but-effective footwork and stays out of danger. "I got some brains, bimbo! Come and get me!", Jenny appears to think she's winning the contest following Minka Kelly's slow burning path but Eva for once laughs her off as the bell interrupts this cagey action.

Round 4:
Cougar mode in the fourth as neither woman's ready to blitz it anymore, the back & forth exchange is dominated by single punching action but Jenny still keeps it loud as she accuses the Latin opponent of being "too old, too irrelevant". The taunting simply doesn't work as Mendes keeps it strictly business while tracking the blonde down the corner where she gives her a high guard test. Mac swings from the back foot but refuses to press it and plays the rope-a-dope game Eva laughs off again instead. A quick hook on the exposed chin seemingly brings Jenny back to her senses but she then eats another overhand on the nose and trembles back to the corner where Mendes cashes in with several body shots to regain control of the action.

Round 5:
Eva becomes more aggressive as Jenny's antics provide a ton of smoke but very little fire. She tries to smack her up the middle and following the quick connection, McCarthy suddenly realizes she needs to drop the dead weight and find some juice. Cue in some point-blank range brawling that actually wobbles Mendes off her stance before a stinging hook on the liver area bends her into spasms. Ugh! Jenny gets lucky here with that punch but makes the most of it anyway and cashes in with a gut-checking drive that reels the brunette onto the ropes where she wilts under the sustained barrage of body shots. She manages to clinch the charging foe but Jenny finds the loud mouth again when the bell eventually halts her drill: "Hah! You are one sleazy dancing hooker after all! Get ready now! You're going down next!"

Round 6:
"Can someone silence this silly bimbo?", Eva's had enough of the verbal taunts but probably it all comes down to that unneccessary recovery in the fifth which has sparked a full-scale blonde assault now. McCarthy runs from her corner and aims straight over the top with Mendes unable to embrace it... she gets WHACKED with a nasty hooking drive and bends into multiple follow ups that leave her lower lip badly swollen come the one-minute mark. Huh! Jenny gives it her all and even thumps the brunette on the chest to really take the air out of Eva's lungs before she gradually pounds her into the turnbuckle where she feeds on the exposed midriff again. Eva suddenly can't respond anymore and bellows out into a clinching attempt the blonde rejects with a huge uppercut on the jaw that leaves Mendes rattled. "Hah! There you go!", Jenny adds a late flurry on the guts to win the wound wholesale and it's turn to laugh off the "Damn Wahlberg!" remark from the aching opponent at the bell.

Round 7:
Eva's unable to live with the gut-checking pursuit of the Illinois Playmate and succumbs to a heavy dose of drilling harpoons early in the seventh. Jenny barks with almost every punch she buries into the brunette's breadbasket before clipping her jugs to set up a crushing hook on the jaw... Ugh! Eva trips back to the ropes with a whimper and finds no energy to escape a wicked left hook that follow through and slams her on the mouth moments later... AND DOWN SHE GOES!!! Eva suffers a close encounter with the boards as she collapses face-down at the blonde's feet! "She's done here, folks! Another useless dancing hooker bites the dust!" Allthough Eva tries to make a recovery here, she only makes it onto all fours and is duly counted out to give jenny McCarthy a KO7 victory on her FCBA comeback!

AFTER: Jenny gives the HBO subscribers a twerking performance in the middle of the ring before taking over the announcer's mic and lifting the crowd's spirits a little further: "Told ta, I'm BACK!!! I never run away from this - points at the kneeling Mendes - hooker but I get paid too much to risk my eternal beauty for mere scraps. Jenny's going BIG again and Jaime Pressly knows what I'm talking about! Sorry boys and girls but I'm gonna RULE this house both in and out of the ring now! I know you're so happy about this, right?" (laughs), "Okay, now I need a drink! Hey, Eva! If you've stopped cryin' then we can share one or two?", "F### off!", the Lioness brunette gives the gleeful blonde one last death stare before leaving the ring to attend to her busted up lip. "Okay, so she's a sore LOSER! Big deal! All these dancing hookers usually act that way! Whatever! She still got the easy peasy version! Jaime is gonna get frickin' DESTROYED on the PPV! I can't wait for that one already!"

Official result: Jenny McCarthy def. Eva Mendes KO7.