CBAD: Avril Lavigne vs. Lindsay Lohan

Avril Lavigne:
(33, 5’2, 134 lbs, 10:6 FCBA, The Dollhouse)
Vs.
Lindsay Lohan
(31, 5’5, 115 lbs, 51:35 FCBA, Free Agent)

Results: Lookout!; Story: Caspian & The Dollhouse

BEFORE:
We welcome you to a special event tonight, with Avril Lavigne facing off against Lindsay Lohan: two titans of the industry with no shortage of controversy or big egos. That being said, don’t take our word for it. Take THEIRS:

"Lindsay is a stupid LOSER!” are the first words out of Avril’s mouth, wasting no time in painting her opponent as completely beneath her. “A few years ago, she tried getting me kicked out of the Chateau Marmont because she thought I ignored her or whatever… it was all over the internet! I guess she was THAT desperate for attention! It was totally pathetic. Obviously it didn't work out for her, but I’ve been DYING to kick her ass since then. My management was finally able to set this fight up for me. I can't wait to finally teach this attention whore a lesson and get my 10th win in a row, bitches! It’s gonna be siiiick!” she ends, punching the air followed by a high-pitched laugh.

Looks like the relationship between these two ladies is still anything but friendly even 8 years after that infamous incident. Lindsay however remaining calm, small smirk on her face as she responds in kind. You can tell that she’s done this dance before, many times over:

"Listen Avril, hon, if you really wanted to 'kick my ass', all you had to do was show up at the Chateau and face me back then and there. But, as expected, you NEVER showed up again after that night. Guess you were too scared to do anything about it, you p*ssy. Now that you've won a few boxing fights, you think you can handle me all of a sudden? Pah-lease. Look at you! Avril Lavigne? More like Avril LAVACHE! (French for 'The cow')!” the American chuckles at her own joke, drawing some muted laughs from the audience as well (at least those who speak the language). “I'm a former three-time champion hon - you're not on my f*cking level. The only reason I accepted this pointless challenge was because there’s nothing I’d rather be doing tonight than wrecking your fat ass. I'm here to make you regret you ever challenged me, spoke to me, or LOOKED at me.” Lohan sneers, starring directly at the scowling blonde Canadian. “When I’m done with you, you’re gonna be scared of showing your face in the same f*cking STATE as me. Got it, b*tch? Let's get this joke of a fight over with, shall we?"

Things getting nasty and personal mighty fast, and that’s why this stadium is filled to the brim with eager fans waiting to see these two tear into each other. What could be more exciting than two hot celebrities who hate each other's guts going ten rounds in Flyweight action? Avril in her traditional Dollhouse Punk Princess attire: pink and black sports bra and tights, pink-streaked hair tied into a cute high ponytail. Lindsay ‘conservative’ as usual, letting her body do the talking in a fiery red bikini that’s too loose for comfort, black gloves, long hair in a neat ponytail. Referee WAVES his hands and here we go!!!

ROUND 1:
Avril first with the an early offense, comes at Lindsay with all the confidence built up over recent weeks culminating in her current winning streak. She peppers Lindsay’s guard relentlessly, hoping to overwhelm her. And it works for the first minute, Lindsay grunting as she tries to block the blows but receives a fair share of stiff blows to the cheek. Still, the American’s animosity towards her Canadian counterpart also filled to the brim. She’s right in the pocket with her, trying to stand and bang but getting out punched all the same. Lohan grunting in the final moments, getting pushed back a few steps but then surging forward and slamming side hooks on the sides of Avril’s torso satisfyingly. Avril stunned by the combo but Lilo doesn't have the time to take advantage - bell rings to pause the action in this opening round. And what a round it is - Avril with pure aggression and Lohan looking to match. The fans tonight are certainly in for a full-on brawl!

ROUND 2:
Lohan with some quality trash talk at the start of the second, yelling “COME GET ME, CHUBBY B*TCH!!” And Avril intending to do just that, and even more, now charging head-on to keep up the pressure and make Lohan eat her words. Lindsay getting flurried like the previous round, but this time round she’s controlling the situation a little better, taking most of the punches on her guard, before SMACK - sending a right hook clean into Avril’s face from the side! OUCH. Avril letting out a groan as her head twisted to the right, but the stubborn girl immediately tries to shake it off and continue her attack. But she’s too late! Lindsay delivering ANOTHER hook to OTHER cheek, followed by a powerful right hand straight down the middle.... Avril throws up her guard just in time, but she’s blown backwards all the same as it lands hard. Suddenly, Dollhouse starlet in trouble, getting hounded by a revitalised Lilo. Lohan trying her best to score an early knockdown with more lunging hooks, but Avril already in retreat and long out of reach. BIG comeback round for Lohan as she stays in the game and then some, taking the fight to her opponent.

ROUND 3:
Avril looking slightly dazed at the bell, weary-eyed and breathing hard - those hooks must have done some damage. She needs to be wary about Lohan’s accuracy - the American actress already proven her knockout capability many times over throughout her illustrious career. No one knows this fact better than Lohan herself, of course, who strides forward wanting to capitalize from the previous round. Avril dodging and weaving like her life depends on it, staying out of range and barely punching back. Lindsay however tiring quickly, big swings at the smaller girl taking their toll on her lungs. Slowly but surely, Avril bites back, snap jabs landing on Lohan’s nose one after another, until a third such straight hand WOBBLES the actress as it snaps her head backwards!! Lindsay reeling and out of sorts all of a sudden, backing away at the speed of light. But Avril the faster fighter right now, shooting in and continuing to wail away at her face in trademark Lavigne fashion... Lohan eating punches till kingdom come - soon she’s listless on her feet, arms barely holding together a defense in front of her eyes. Avril merciless, continuing with the pounding on every inch of her pretty face. A stray left hook hits the taller girl right on the temple and with a final grunt, Lohan’s eyes flutter upwards, body swaying precarious, then DOWN she goes… face planted into canvas! This fight is over, folks!

Official Decision: Avril Lavigne defeats Lindsay Lohan via KO3!

AFTER:
And that’s 10 wins in a row for Lavigne! Avril herself surprised at how fast Lohan went down, takes a moment to register the win, breathing heavily for a few moments before a sly smile slowly forms on her face. Quickly removing those gloves that are getting in her way of retribution, she proceeds to grab Lohan by the hair and pull her upright. Lohan still too groggy to resist, groaning and shaking head side to side as Avril screams into her face: “Eat sh*t LOSERRRR! You’re now my 10th victim in a row! Haha!” She ends with a cruel laugh, clearly pleased with herself.

A knee to the gut brings home the message, bending Lilo over and sending her down to all fours. Lavigne follows up with a wild kick to Lohan’s ribcage, sending the poor girl back down on her back with a loud grunt. The Canadian Punk Princess quickly straddles LiLo, now sitting atop the slim girl’s stomach. “Say you’re sorry, b*tch!” the blonde commands while raining slaps into Lohan’s face, bumping her behind up and down on the defeated girl’s tummy and chest. Moaning, the proud actress can only grunt in protest as the air is being knocked out of her lungs “Get….the f*ck…OFF me....you f-fat cow!”.

Lavigne responds by grabbing two fistfuls of Lindsay’s hair before screaming into her face: “Don’t talk about me ever again you weak loser! And get the HELL out of my ring!”. With that, Avril stands up, savagely pulling a shrieking Lohan to her feet by the hair, dragging her roughly towards the ropes. Lindsay’s scalp now on fire as she thrashes and yelps in an attempt to get free of the smaller girl’s clutches. But before she can retaliate, Avril heaving with a WHOOSH - swings Lohan’s entire body by her hair, sending the actress flying through the middle ropes, the taller girl tumbling unceremoniously onto the apron below with a SPLAT!

“Biiitchhhh!” Avril taunts as she leans forward against the ropes, watching from the ring above as her hated rival squirms down below for a few long seconds before calmly turning to her corner with an amused laugh.

Another huge win for the Dollhouse starlet this night, but in true Avril fashion, a statement HAD to be made!

It’s Avril’s ring, and she wants to make it abundantly clear that it’s going to stay that way! Smiling and raising her hands up high, waving to her fans and haters alike, Avril giggles and gulps down on a bottle of champagne to hefty cheers from the crowd. She’s now surrounded by Bella Thorne, Ginny Gardner, and several Dollhouse staff members, all celebrating her 10th win in a row – and in a heated grudge match, no less!

It sure seems like the Punk Princess is not stopping anytime soon, folks!