CBAD: Avril Lavigne vs. Zara Larsson

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Avril Lavigne:
(33, 5’2, 130 lbs, 5:6 FCBA, The Dollhouse)
Vs.
Zara Larsson:
(20, 5’4, 114 lbs, 1:1 FCBA, Free Agent)


BEFORE:
"Apparently Lara is some big "star" right now or something. I'm not sure why… her music is totally generic and boring. She *looks* boring too. Oh… it’s *Zara*?” Avril sits at the press conference table, legs crossed, laughing hysterically upon realizing she got her opponent’s name wrong. Whether deliberately or not, we may never know. “Oopsy! Whatever! This fight is basically just a training match for me before my rematch with Gaga next month. You guys know what you're here to see right? An ass-kicking!" The Canadian singer grins and poses with one arm flexed, clearly not taking this fight seriously. But what else is new?

Over the other end of the table, Zara scoffing whilst rolling her eyes, if that’s even possible. The Swede clearly amused by Avril’s antics and is intent to treat her with the same lack of focus and seriousness.

“That’s so funny, *Madam* Lavigne, I knew you were getting old but I didn’t think your brain would get wasted so early,” Zara begins, relishing the dismissive look from the 33 y/o blonde who’s face is now turned to one side to hide her partial embarrassment. “Let me put it this way – You’re a lousy boxer Avril…you’re also small and soft…you’re really no match for me physically, to put it lightly. So…I don’t give a sh*t if you’re having trouble remembering my name right now…Cos’ by the time we’re done here tonight, my name will be all over the media as the one who completely wrecked you. I’m sure that’ll make you remember it pretty well.”

Spunky Swede exuding confidence of her own as the older blonde raises her eyebrows in response, chuckling in dismissal or perhaps nervousness. Both blondes clearly opinionated, possessing unique attitude, which makes this match-up all the more exciting as they continue insulting each other straight to the face before retiring to their dressing rooms for last minute preparations.

An hour quickly passes by and it's finally fight time! Avril enters the arena first to the sound of one of her old hit songs “Sk8ter Boi”, gloved arms raised high as if she has already won, smiling and waving to the fans on all sides as she slowly makes her way to the ring accompanied by the Dollhouse head-trainer Kristanna Loken and a few staff members.
The Canadian is wearing an open black satin robe, revealing her usual ring attire underneath – a black sports bra with a pink trim and matching black\pink short tights. Her gloves the usual pink\black set. She slowly climbs into the ring and walks to her corner, smirking confidently all the while as she begins stretching.

The lights dim again and its time for her opponent to make her entrance – a loud BOOM accompanied by thick smoke signals the arrival of the second blonde fighting tonight, and Zara bursts through the curtains to the sound of her hit song ‘Lush Life’ and some very loud cheers, some would say louder than what Avril enjoyed earlier, proving the Swedish hottie is quite a big star these days. The 20 year old is looking focused and ready to rumble as she lightly jogs her way to the ring accompanied by her crew. This young athletic blonde is wearing a very tight, Swedish flag themed dark blue sports bra and matching short tights with yellow trims, revealing a very sexy, impressively fit body and some rock hard abs.

Zara quickly reaches the ring, slides under the bottom rope and immediately jumps to her feet like a proffesional ninja, shooting Avril a killer look before making her way to her own corner.
Lavigne stops stretching at the sight of the acrobatic Swede showing off in the ring, staring in awe at the athletic blonde’s fit body for a few long seconds, seemingly paralyzed as if she's seen a ghost.
There’s no time for second thoughts though, because it’s finally time to rumble, with both girls ready at opposite corners of the ring. Referee rings the bell and HERE WE GO!

ROUND 1:
There’s no doubt that Avril’s getting better every time she enters the ring. First few forays revealing her sloppiness and showing her time away from the ring. But here in her umpteenth match under the Dollhouse banner, she seems to be on a real win-streak. Here, she faces off against a much younger woman, who’s bigger and more athletic than her and filled with equal amount of spunk. One of her toughest challenges to date and we’re not surprised that she runs into a brick wall early on. Zara simply outpouring punches and out-punching Avril from the get go, harassing her with a steady stream of jabs. The crowd loving the immediate escalation of violence, of course, but it’s bad news for Ms Lavigne as she struggles to keep up. She’s thrown on defensive as she tries to deal with jab jab jab at her head, then another jab jab hook at the body, before Zara rinses and repeats. What she lacks in stamina, of course, Avril is known to make up for with her reckless nature. She does manage to sneak in a couple of cheap shots to Zara’s chin and chest, stunning her momentarily, before Lavigne gets hit in the face in turn. Bell rings and it’s Zara’s round through and through - the Swede singer showing plenty of potential for the long run with her explosive start. Avril on the other hand completely flabbergasted, stumbling back to corner and brushing off their cry of concern with a loud yell back: ‘LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE!!” Well, again, we aren’t sure who she’s really talking to here, her corner or her opponent, but taking out your frustration on your own corner ain’t gonna help much, dearie.

ROUND 2:
Zara still a ball of energy, coming straight for Avril in the opening seconds: head down and arms up, ready to brawl. She’s clearly trying to put Lavigne away as quickly as possible, judging from the body shots now thudding off of Avril’s chassis: left left right hooks digging into her stomach and ribs as Avril winces and groans, tries to establish boxing distance. The Canadian succeeds in getting the hell out of punch-zone in the second half, slowly tiring the younger singer out as she’s relentlessly chased after. Zara doesn’t realize she’s being toyed with for the remainder of the round, keeps on chugging forward, keeps on swinging, but the older, more experienced girl now has a slow grin forming on her face as her strategy seems to be working. Last minute on the clock and Lavigne goes to work: steady step forward, BANG off Zara’s guard, step forward, PUH PUH off the toned body, and *another* few steps forward, combination of jabs into Zara’s face, disorientating her! Just like that, Zara seems to lose her lead, being pushed backwards as she shakes the stars from her vision and prepares for the onslaught which never comes, because the bell rings before Avril can take full advantage. Dollhouse member cursing under her breath that it took so long before she could go on the offensive, but she should definitely be happier - she’s taken back the round in textbook fashion, leaving Larsson to wonder what the f*ck went wrong in there.

ROUND 3:
More of the same as Zara intent on knocking Avril’s lights out, but can’t quite seem to catch the Canadian’s head exactly where she needs to. She comes close to it in the first minute when Avril gets sloppy, with Zara’s left-right hook combo bouncing dangerously off her forearms, shoving her to one side and off balance for a brief moment. Zara letting out a shout of triumph, intending to charge in full, but Avril cutting her victory speech off with a rapid one-two jab-jab to the lips, holding her at arm’s length. Those punches must have stung, because Zara choosing to hang back for the rest of the round, one hand holding her jawline as though in stinging pain. It could also just be that the Swede has exhausted her energy reserves - she can’t keep up the chase here forever... Avril’s wish granted - there’s still one minute on the clock and this is her moment to shine! She stalks Larsson about the ring, snapping her head back with opportune strikes to the cheek, then of course mixing up with blows to the tummy and chest, paying her back for that disastrous opening round. Lavigne holding two hands up high when the three minutes are finally up, yelling at the audience, “HOW’D YOU LIKE THAT, B*TCHES?!?” whilst Zara left groaning on the ropes, shaking her head in disbelief.

ROUND 4:
Avril bunching her gloves together, still grinning stupidly. “I’ve got this!” she seems to declare to no one in particular, approaching Zara confidently, looking to finish her off, before she gets STUNNED to the nose by a big right hand. Zara biting back like a wounded animal, playing a little possum earlier but now smiling to herself as she watches Avril squeal in outrage. Look on the Canadian’s face turned 180 degrees, now steaming as she charges at her adversary, before YELPING again when Zara douses those flames with same shock combination to the face and body, doubling Lavigne over, not allowing her to get in close to vent. Larsson still hurt, make no mistake, but when a raging monster comes at you looking like she wants to tear your head off, you jolly well fight back with everything you’ve got… Avril learning this lesson the hard way - now it’s her turn to have trouble getting in close to put her opponent away. Instead, she’s controlled for the majority of the round - even with Zara strategically retreating and backtracking, she’s still landing the punches on Avril’s hide, whereas the only memorable thing from the punk princess are her constant shrieks of pain and outrage. Looks like these girls are far from done with one another when the bell rings and they’re dead even scored in terms of points. We have to leave it to the next round to see who comes out on top!

ROUND 5:
Another furious exchange from both sides as both girls start off the round slow enough, but quickly spring into action once they get into mutual range. Zara and Avril exchanging lightning hands to the face as they throw down in a wild, uncoordinated melee. Of course, mutual grunting as leather gloves landing hard. Soon, both of them are clinched up, chins dug down, lips pressed into shoulder as they groan into each other’s ears. Zara the younger, more energetic of the two at this stage, manages to roughly SHOVE Avril off her chest, then intending to take her her head off her shoulders with a surprise hook, but Zara doesn’t expect her punch to ring off Avril’s hastily raised forearm. The rebound from the parry throws her off balance, giving Avril a perfect chance to strike in turn: left hook of her own swipes across the blonde’s cheek, then another right swivels Zara about turn on her toes! A final uppercut to the jawline breaks the Swede’s guard completely… AND ZARA CRUMPLES DOWN TO THE FLOOR!! KNOCKDOWN for Avril Lavigne!!

Shocking timing here as we’re seconds away from the end of the round and a potential lifeboat for Zara Larsson… IF she can make it back to her feet… Referee dutifully counting her out, ignoring Avril’s wide grin as she saunters slowly back to her corner, leans against the corner post, panting, both arms tiredly draped on top rope, trying to get her breath back in order and hoping her opponent isn’t planning to keep going here. But it seems like underestimating Avril comes with its risks and Zara Larsson just the latest victim to learn this the hard way - referee hits the 10-count and the young blonde is STILL struggling on all fours to Lavigne’s delight! This match is over!

Official Decision: Avril Lavigne defeats Zara Larsson via KO5!

AFTER:
It’s a real reason for Avril to celebrate tonight - some would have thought she bit off more than she could chew with this opponent, but tell that to her face, especially after she’s secured another win in a series of victories to prove her worth in the ring. Beating another young star in Zara Larsson tonight just another pearl to add to that string as Ms Lavigne - now invigorated, shoots out of her corner, unabashedly gloating as she circles the Swede’s prone form, who’s now crawling towards the ropes to try and escape her fate. But a swift kick to Zara’s side puts a stop to that with a loud groan, sending her sprawling off and landing on her side.

“How’s the weather down there, LARA?” Avril taunts, laughing loudly.

Lavigne delivers a few more kicks followed by some wild stomps to the poor girl’s body, before finally raising her arms in triumph and posing to the cameras & fans with one foot planted firm on the Swede’s squirming chest, as she’s unable to resist any longer. The cameras naturally have a field day at the shot of conquistadoress planting her flag over her prey, but that’s Avril’s point: mess with her, whoever you are, and you’ll get your just desserts.