Jessica Simpson vs Jorgie Porter

Celebrity Boxing After Dark
Jessica Simpson vs Jorgie Porter
(Independent vs Kear's Kats)
(FCBA: 38-50-2, 33 KO vs FCBA: 1-4, 1 KO; BBU: 12-3, 11 KO)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: It's desperate times for Jessica Simpson as she targets one of these perenially underrated BBU crossover girls in search of another victory. Technically, she's got nothing to gain by winning tonight while the same can't be said about Jorgie Porter who could snatch the most important wig of her hitherto short American foray instead. However Simpson's last victory came against another British girl, Geri Halliwell, and that's one pattern even otherwise ruthless pundits spot straight away. It was after that very fight she was released from the Lookout! Boxing and deemed too old to make the elite difference anymore. There's another boxing universe where Simpson was never an "elite" to begin with, well, at least outside of the jug muggin' rules. The opportunities have come few and far between since the Lookout axe as only Ashley Benson and Kat Dennings benefited from the singer's free agency struggle.

Jessica Simpson wears a violet one-piece swimsuit and white gloves. Long blonde hair in loose waves. Jorgie Porter wears a red bikini set and black gloves. Long blonde hair tied in a sleek ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the flyweight division.

Round 1:
Perhaps only true elite performers can dismiss Simpson at this stage of her career and Jorgie just isn't one of them as she allows the older blonde to jump into a hectic jabbing rush that picks off the English lass rather easily during the opening minute. Jessica is used to pushing for quick destruction plan - as any JMD would be - but she almost wraps her opponent into a complete leather bubble as Jorgie simply shows her too much respect and minimal footwork skills. This lack of proper defense is beyond what Simpson could have expected and she takes full advantage of the circumstances as she gallops through the leaking high guard to dump Porter butt-in-ropes where she tries some of the old jug muggin' tricks. Jorgie can only clinch her to survive the round and that's as inept as it gets for the BBU crossover fighter!

Round 2:
Kear's Kats head trainer Gail Kim is simply livid with Jorgie's first round demeanour but the English blonde upgrades her footwork to leave Jessica chasing shadows early in the second. The Texas native maintains the high-octane pursuit but gets a little careless and only grazes the flesh before wobbling forward straight into a Porter counter shot on the chin! Jorgie riffles more hooks on the temples and suddenly wraps the singer into a proper leather rush that allows her to stagger Simpson in the center of the ring. Another well-measured hook drills the ribcage and sinks the older blonde into spasms - quite frankly Jessica looks as shocked as anyone in the audience and while Jorgie isn't well known for her swarming attitude, she thumps Simpson on that overzealous rack and bumps her into the ropes with a late rally on the breadbasket. And it's Simpson turn to seek a clinching respite come the final stretch.

Round 3:
Jessica romps into another high-flying start and manages to beat the English actress for the opening punch which allows her to slam a quick combo on the lips and wobble Porter on her heels. The head-hunting follow up drops Jorgie's guard and Jessica camps inside her face to snap the blonde ponytail around and inflict early bruising on the targeted lips. Porter really struggles to soak up the point-blank range abuse and reels onto the ropes as Simpson finds her range again and thumps vicious leather to the body down the stretch. Porter disappears behind a high earmuff but still leaves too many holes below the elbows and gets duly picked off by the charging veteran for remainder of the round.

Round 4:
More problems for Jorgie here as she gets WHACKED across the lips with the initial charge and drops to her heels again - literally handing the momentum back to Simpson by default. And the singer knows how to punish a subdued opponent alright! She tackles the otherwise slender English body and drives Jorgie all the way back to the turnbuckle where she carves visible bruises against the pale skin and makes the 'Hollyoaks' actress moan in discomfort. One could say Simpson simply wants to chop the fellow blonde in half and she's well on her way to blanketing the hapless rival until she runs out of gas a little and enables the aching Jorgie to clinch her into safety. Porter looks and sounds really hurt out there and that's a nasty surprise given the American's questionable free agency resume. Most experts praised the Kats entourage for choosing the vulnerable former JMD headliner as Jorgie's opponent but that washed-up vixen can still dig her claws into anyone and Gail Kim's stone-faced display at the bell tells it's own story.

Round 5:
Jessica's on the stalking prowl again and Jorgie has to simply weather the storm here in the opening minute. Gail Kim is experienced enough to avoid getting her fighter involved in a classic slugfest and Porter's footwork improves to the point the Texas native fails to put full strenght behind her shots and opens the door for an English counter-punching recovery. Jorgie shows superior agility for a change and ducks underneath the head-hunting approach and Simpson can't force herself downstairs either while getting ROCKED by a vicious strike on the nose! Ugh! Jorgie lets it fly over the top and slams a left/right combo up the middle while stepping up and drilling the solar plexus for a good measure. Simpson just didn't see that coming and freezes in the center of the ring, she looks up and - horror time - Porter WHACKS her on the right temple and sends CRASHING DOWN ON THE CANVAS!!! That literally came out of nowhere! Jessica's punching resistance isn't maybe what it was years back but that was a cheap knockdown regardless. And the singer seems as shocked as anyone in the stands; she eventually gets up at eight but Jorgie scythes her across the jugs to complete the rout and has the older blonde reeling on the ropes in the dying seconds of a shocking table-turning performance.

Round 6:
Jorgie puts the early heat on the rattled singer as Jessica bounces off the high guard during her initial pursuit; both women trade punches in close range again alas Porter drills the jugs to bump the American on her heels and then cuts the oxygen supply with another well-measured strike on the solar plexus. Simpson wobbles forward with a loud whimper and gets blasted across the chin; Jorgie screams out in her effort and smacks one extra hook on the ear THAT DROPS THE SINGER FACE-DOWN ON THE CANVAS!!! Ugh! What is going on here? Jessica's defense been well and truly dissected by an injection of proper juice and the poor girl can only lift herself off both hands before collapsing back on the boards. She can't beat the count!!! KO6 Jorgie Porter in come-from-behind fashion!!!

AFTER: Simpson had the fight under full control after four rounds but crumbled into a heap when Porter delivered a couple of solid drives. And that's literally all it took to expose the singer's below par defense. There's no going around Father Time and the Texas native might be a regarded as one 'over the hill' to make noise in the 110 lbs division anymore yet any BBU crossover fighter like Jorgie would be proud of this result - even if the circumstances proved to be a little fortunate. The Kats still have an internal sweepstakes going between Roxanne Pallett and Porter here and it remains to be seen if any of them can match at least half of Cheryl Cole's and Michelle Keegan's crossover production. That would be considered a success.

Final result: Jorgie Porter def. Jessica Simpson KO6.