Vivian Hsieh vs Scarlett Johansson

There weren’t many in the FCBA who could rival her assets, but tonight she was chest-to-chest with one of the few. Scarlett Johansson’s bust rivaled hers in fame if not in size, though size came close as well.

Vivian Hsieh wasn’t having a good time, having lost nearly 90% of her matches in her last year, maybe more. Critics have stopped caring. After winning her last, however, it was hoped that this would be the beginning of a streak.

Round one saw Hsieh overwhelm Johansson via punch volume, for while the older actress could match her in strength, she could not match her in vigor. She is not much for the worse, but concedes the round by one point.

Round two sees more of the same, though Johansson takes this one.

In round three we see the first great mistake of the match. Vivian, too eager to follow up a jab to Johansson’s face, is surprised when Scarlett slips aside and rams an uppercut into her chin. She is not able to get more, as Vivian stumbles back more than she would like and escapes the combo she has in plan, thereby gaining the chance to regroup and rally.

Scarlett comes out strong in round four, the uppercut having scrambled Hsieh’s mind and drained her energy. Or so it seems, anyway.

Suddenly there comes a cry as Hsieh twists a low uppercut into her ribs, a cry then strangled in its crib when a gut-busting uppercut cuts it short. Scarlett’s feet slip, sprawling into a half split as she holds her guts inside her. Vivian does not stop. Firing another shot into her ribs, Vivian nearly takes Scarlett down, but the actress catches herself with the ropes and miraculously hangs on. From there the round does not stray from the ropes where Vivian pins down the American, and the cards show 10-8 Vivian.

Round five sees her feed Scarlett more leather, but Vivian’s stamina is trending in the wrong direction, round five proving too draining for too little. An opening swing and miss in round six sees Vivian immediately collapsed to her knees by a swift combo that digs out her guts and then some more. A right cleans her out, her eyes glazing as her hands and consciousness fall away.

Winner: Scarlett Johansson via KO6!