Post by Celebrity Wrestling Federation on Mar 5, 2024 23:50:39 GMT -6
Stanford Steve: “Welcome in degenerates! It’s been a little while, but the hunt for winners never sleeps. Tonight we’re covering a handful of bouts on the March PPV card that caught my eye. Through our first four episodes, we’re up a staggering +89 units! If you want to cash, just ride my coattails”.
Natascha McElhone: “Coats? I’ve never seen you wear anything besides sweatshirts”.
Stanford Steve: “Proverbial, Tash!”
Stana Katic versus Charlotte McKinney
Stanford Steve: “This is a high tension rematch, and I LOVE it. McKinney had a brief pit-stop with the CWF, and she did not make friends on the way out. I’m surprised it took this long for Katic vs. McKinney II, but this will be nasty. I might throw a dart at some extracurriculars, because I think McKinney will send a loud and lewd message should she win again. She took the first matchup in six, but Katic has ascended big time since then. A fifteen year age difference is a huge hurdle, but this will be a battle of wills. Revenge and a strong corner versus youth and nastiness. I just want carnage”.
Official Bets: Katic – ML (-110)
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+410)
Official Bets: Post-Match Breast Smother (+2,000)
Bella Thorne versus Saraya
Stanford Steve: “There’s no sense in listing Thorne’s resume, she’s done it all. Multi-time Champion, JMD. Saraya hasn’t had many fights in her career, but she’s been hotter than Bella in the last year. Granted it was against worse competition and Bella was competing for Titles, but Thorne isn’t invulnerable. She’s a scrapper. She’s not afraid to fight anyone, anywhere, and get in the mud while doing so. Saraya has a ton of weight and Thorne will be fighting up, so I see a ton of room on the underdog”.
Official Bets: Saraya – ML (+610)
Emma Roberts versus Avril Lavigne
Stanford Steve: “This is a rematch from last month where Lavigne took it in 7. These two have fought five times before, with Lavigne leading 3-2 overall and 1-0 in the most recent best-of-7. If history has taught us anything, it’s that these girls are dead even. I’m going to turn my brain off and pick Roberts solely because she lost a few days ago”.
Natascha McElhone: “Turn your brain off? It was previously on?”
Stanford Steve: “I turn it on for the show, obviously. I wish you’d turn your sass-mouth off though. These fights are rough and they always go deep. The five decisions have come in the 10th, 8th, 9th, 9th, and 7th. I think these girls are ready to go the distance again”.
Official Bets: Roberts – ML (+210)
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+510)
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+410)
Amanda Righetti versus Alexandra Daddario
Stanford Steve: “After a peculiar loss to our own Katrina Bowden, Daddario went on a career-defining run. It took Upton ten rounds to end it, but in my mind Alex is just getting started. I think she has the skills to win a Lineal Title”.
Natascha McElhone: “She was actually on our short list for Katic’s first Lightweight Title defense. If she hadn’t been so busy at JMD, we likely would’ve come to her before Swift. Impressive, impressive fighter”.
Stanford Steve: “Wholly agree. But you don’t make a living picking against Righetti. Just doesn’t make sense. Going Upton-Righetti back-to-back is BOLD, so I’d like to see it pay off for Daddario. Righetti just keeps getting BETTER as she gets older. God help the Jaguar Division when she decides to take that leap.”
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+610)
Tina Louise versus Jessica Chastain (Cougar Title)
Stanford Steve: “This is a huge pair of fights for the CWF, Tash”.
Natascha McElhone: “A chance to hold BOTH Cougar and Jaguar Titles doesn’t come around often. We’re grateful to Sceej Boxing for the opportunity”.
Stanford Steve: “Tina is such a patented CWF prospect. Started her career AFTER 40, and she’s already in the mix for two Titles. Love her game, LOVE her attitude. Louise and Chastain both made it to the Semifinals of the Cougar Tourney, with Louise actually falling to Jessica’s stablemate. It’s tough to handicap this one, Louise hasn’t lost a fight that she wasn’t supposed to lose. There’s not a lot of common ground between these two in terms of previous opponents, so I’m going to lean on the measurables. Louise has three inches on Jess, but I think heart decides this one. Give me the Aussie”.
Official Bets: Louise – ML (+110)
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+610)
Adrianne Palicki versus Stacy Keibler (Jaguar Title)
Stanford Steve: “Palicki took the belt from Katic in October, and this is her first defense. Surprisingly, she and Keibler have never fought, but Stacy has been wonderful since being bought out and added by the CWF. Loved that signing at the time, and I love it even more now. She’s a Welter that I don’t think gets the respect she deserves. Whether it’s age or something else that holds her back in the rankings, she’s still a measuring stick in the division. Palicki had height on Stana, but that’s not the case here. Keibler has a perfect scout for the Champ in her own corner, so I hope the blonde makes her chance count. Either way, she’s gonna make Adrianne work her tail off”.
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+610)
Official Bets: Keibler – Anytime Knockdown (+510)
Sophie Mudd versus Harumi Nemoto (JMD Title)
Stanford Steve: “I like Nemoto a lot, but let’s be honest… There’s levels to this. Nemoto is two decades older than Mudd, and Mudd is a killer. She’s made a career of dismantling women at JMD and this won’t be an exception to that rule. Nemoto JUST lost to Louise, and Louise had no answer for Mudd. I see this one being short and sweet, another defense for the kid”.
Official Bets: Mudd – 5th Round KO (+710)
Kate Upton versus Charlize Theron (JMDD Title)
Natascha McElhone: “Mind if I take this one? Now we get to the ‘useless, meaningless JMD Title’. Oh, pardon me, those are the words of Charlize’s management. Every month since I’ve been around. They don’t seem to tire of saying how pitiful anyone is who participates in the secondary Titles. Theron is too high and mighty to participate with the Jaguar belt and her management won’t even acknowledge the JMD fights… But I suppose when she is given an opportunity to skip to the front of the line, it’s alright to take that hardware. Surely if Charlize wins, she’ll refuse to put it on her resume and immediately relinquish this disgraceful, meaningless achievement. I hope Charlize wins, just to watch their camp squirm”.
Stanford Steve: “Whoa. Scorched earth. I’m supposed to make a pick after that? I got nothin’”.
Hailee Steinfeld versus Selena Gomez (Bantamweight Title)
Stanford Steve: “I had production cut Negative Nancy’s mic, so I’ll make this one short before she stabs me. I think I can speak for Nance when I say we LOVE Gomez over here at the CWF. She’s a first ballot Hall-of-Famer, but curiously winless in three Lineal Title fights. Two at Bantam and one at Fly. I’ve been on record as saying that Hailee was going to TAKE OFF with Lookout behind her, and she absolutely has. Riding high off her first Title, it’s going to be a tough task for Selena. I hope Gomez makes it ‘third times the charm’ at Bantam, but I think Hailee might be too much, especially with an avalanche of momentum. Either way, this one’s going to be a WAR. Fight of the night candidate. Gomez will eventually get that belt before she enters the Hall, bet on it. Just not sure it’s tonight”.
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+410)
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+410)
Natascha McElhone: “Coats? I’ve never seen you wear anything besides sweatshirts”.
Stanford Steve: “Proverbial, Tash!”
Stana Katic versus Charlotte McKinney
Stanford Steve: “This is a high tension rematch, and I LOVE it. McKinney had a brief pit-stop with the CWF, and she did not make friends on the way out. I’m surprised it took this long for Katic vs. McKinney II, but this will be nasty. I might throw a dart at some extracurriculars, because I think McKinney will send a loud and lewd message should she win again. She took the first matchup in six, but Katic has ascended big time since then. A fifteen year age difference is a huge hurdle, but this will be a battle of wills. Revenge and a strong corner versus youth and nastiness. I just want carnage”.
Official Bets: Katic – ML (-110)
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+410)
Official Bets: Post-Match Breast Smother (+2,000)
Bella Thorne versus Saraya
Stanford Steve: “There’s no sense in listing Thorne’s resume, she’s done it all. Multi-time Champion, JMD. Saraya hasn’t had many fights in her career, but she’s been hotter than Bella in the last year. Granted it was against worse competition and Bella was competing for Titles, but Thorne isn’t invulnerable. She’s a scrapper. She’s not afraid to fight anyone, anywhere, and get in the mud while doing so. Saraya has a ton of weight and Thorne will be fighting up, so I see a ton of room on the underdog”.
Official Bets: Saraya – ML (+610)
Emma Roberts versus Avril Lavigne
Stanford Steve: “This is a rematch from last month where Lavigne took it in 7. These two have fought five times before, with Lavigne leading 3-2 overall and 1-0 in the most recent best-of-7. If history has taught us anything, it’s that these girls are dead even. I’m going to turn my brain off and pick Roberts solely because she lost a few days ago”.
Natascha McElhone: “Turn your brain off? It was previously on?”
Stanford Steve: “I turn it on for the show, obviously. I wish you’d turn your sass-mouth off though. These fights are rough and they always go deep. The five decisions have come in the 10th, 8th, 9th, 9th, and 7th. I think these girls are ready to go the distance again”.
Official Bets: Roberts – ML (+210)
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+510)
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+410)
Amanda Righetti versus Alexandra Daddario
Stanford Steve: “After a peculiar loss to our own Katrina Bowden, Daddario went on a career-defining run. It took Upton ten rounds to end it, but in my mind Alex is just getting started. I think she has the skills to win a Lineal Title”.
Natascha McElhone: “She was actually on our short list for Katic’s first Lightweight Title defense. If she hadn’t been so busy at JMD, we likely would’ve come to her before Swift. Impressive, impressive fighter”.
Stanford Steve: “Wholly agree. But you don’t make a living picking against Righetti. Just doesn’t make sense. Going Upton-Righetti back-to-back is BOLD, so I’d like to see it pay off for Daddario. Righetti just keeps getting BETTER as she gets older. God help the Jaguar Division when she decides to take that leap.”
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+610)
Tina Louise versus Jessica Chastain (Cougar Title)
Stanford Steve: “This is a huge pair of fights for the CWF, Tash”.
Natascha McElhone: “A chance to hold BOTH Cougar and Jaguar Titles doesn’t come around often. We’re grateful to Sceej Boxing for the opportunity”.
Stanford Steve: “Tina is such a patented CWF prospect. Started her career AFTER 40, and she’s already in the mix for two Titles. Love her game, LOVE her attitude. Louise and Chastain both made it to the Semifinals of the Cougar Tourney, with Louise actually falling to Jessica’s stablemate. It’s tough to handicap this one, Louise hasn’t lost a fight that she wasn’t supposed to lose. There’s not a lot of common ground between these two in terms of previous opponents, so I’m going to lean on the measurables. Louise has three inches on Jess, but I think heart decides this one. Give me the Aussie”.
Official Bets: Louise – ML (+110)
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+610)
Adrianne Palicki versus Stacy Keibler (Jaguar Title)
Stanford Steve: “Palicki took the belt from Katic in October, and this is her first defense. Surprisingly, she and Keibler have never fought, but Stacy has been wonderful since being bought out and added by the CWF. Loved that signing at the time, and I love it even more now. She’s a Welter that I don’t think gets the respect she deserves. Whether it’s age or something else that holds her back in the rankings, she’s still a measuring stick in the division. Palicki had height on Stana, but that’s not the case here. Keibler has a perfect scout for the Champ in her own corner, so I hope the blonde makes her chance count. Either way, she’s gonna make Adrianne work her tail off”.
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+610)
Official Bets: Keibler – Anytime Knockdown (+510)
Sophie Mudd versus Harumi Nemoto (JMD Title)
Stanford Steve: “I like Nemoto a lot, but let’s be honest… There’s levels to this. Nemoto is two decades older than Mudd, and Mudd is a killer. She’s made a career of dismantling women at JMD and this won’t be an exception to that rule. Nemoto JUST lost to Louise, and Louise had no answer for Mudd. I see this one being short and sweet, another defense for the kid”.
Official Bets: Mudd – 5th Round KO (+710)
Kate Upton versus Charlize Theron (JMDD Title)
Natascha McElhone: “Mind if I take this one? Now we get to the ‘useless, meaningless JMD Title’. Oh, pardon me, those are the words of Charlize’s management. Every month since I’ve been around. They don’t seem to tire of saying how pitiful anyone is who participates in the secondary Titles. Theron is too high and mighty to participate with the Jaguar belt and her management won’t even acknowledge the JMD fights… But I suppose when she is given an opportunity to skip to the front of the line, it’s alright to take that hardware. Surely if Charlize wins, she’ll refuse to put it on her resume and immediately relinquish this disgraceful, meaningless achievement. I hope Charlize wins, just to watch their camp squirm”.
Stanford Steve: “Whoa. Scorched earth. I’m supposed to make a pick after that? I got nothin’”.
Hailee Steinfeld versus Selena Gomez (Bantamweight Title)
Stanford Steve: “I had production cut Negative Nancy’s mic, so I’ll make this one short before she stabs me. I think I can speak for Nance when I say we LOVE Gomez over here at the CWF. She’s a first ballot Hall-of-Famer, but curiously winless in three Lineal Title fights. Two at Bantam and one at Fly. I’ve been on record as saying that Hailee was going to TAKE OFF with Lookout behind her, and she absolutely has. Riding high off her first Title, it’s going to be a tough task for Selena. I hope Gomez makes it ‘third times the charm’ at Bantam, but I think Hailee might be too much, especially with an avalanche of momentum. Either way, this one’s going to be a WAR. Fight of the night candidate. Gomez will eventually get that belt before she enters the Hall, bet on it. Just not sure it’s tonight”.
Official Bets: Over 1.5 Knockdowns (+410)
Official Bets: Over 7.5 Rounds (+410)
