6. TWM McCarthy vs Campbell Main Event

Jenny McCarthy v Neve Campbell

(results - Lookout, words - Sceej)



The mists of time swirl back to 1998 and there is a tense excitement in the heretofore loosely organized and largely underground world of female celebrity boxing. After decades of chaos and controversy, celebrity boxing was about to take the necessary steps to become a recognized sport with the formation of the Female Celebrity Boxing Association under the leadership of a visionary known only as “Simguy”. No longer would it be pandemonium - weight classes were to be established, records would be maintained , and perhaps most importantly, universally recognized champions would be crowned.



Sponsored teams, soon to be known as “stables” formed and began recruiting talent. It quickly became apparent to any girl contemplating fighting that she SHOULD be managed - have access to professional facilities, training, sparring, instruction - while the “free agents” struggled with all of the same and in getting fights arranged under favorable terms.



The competition was particularly fierce among what might be called minor celebrities - with no offense intended by that name. There was little question that the big name film actresses (Charlize Theron), top singers (Brittany Spears) and stars of major television series (Pamela Anderson) would entertain multiple offers from stables. But while Pamela Anderson was picking and choosing, the Gena Lee Nolin’s of the world were scuffling for attention, fighting multiple exhibitions to try to attract the attention of a big name stable.



Two such women were Jenny McCarthy and Neve Campbell. The sensuous brunette was the star of the popular “Scream” series of films and an icy tough daughter of Canada, while the blonde bombshell was the former Playboy Playmate of the Year and was enjoying significant popularity on various MTV projects. Both appeared fit, athletic and determined. Like many of the other women looking to crack into the FCBA, they’d each had an impressive run of lower level fights - dominating pageant queens and fitness models. Now it was time to step up to a higher level - a proving ground of sorts - and that meant fighting each other!



Blonde v Brunette fights were always promoted as volatile - the press conference for this one bordered on bedlam! Neve Campbell was called upon to address the press first but had barely gotten two words out when a loud and un-ladylike “raspberry” pierced the air. “Booooring!!!” taunted the brash blonde. As if a single being, the heads of the reporters and photographers swung to the other side of the dais where the Playmate was only too happy to hold court!



“Look, guys, Bev here looks like a perfectly nice … whats that? (reacting to correction as to opponent’s name) Her name is Neve? Not Bev? Neve? What kind of name is Neve? Neve like in … never? Like in … never gonna beat Jenny? (roars from press and Neve Campbell on a slow burn)”



On and on and on … when the press finally DOES get a question to the Canadian, she is not in the mood for it.



“I’ll do my talking in the ring!” the brunette responds tersely - and she is up and she is gone!”



“Ooooooooooooooooooooh - someone’s mad!”, giggles the madcap Playmate, feeding the fire!



Now fans … watch the recently uncovered footage of the pre FCBA dawning of a rivalry for the ages … Jenny McCarthy vs. Neve Campbell!



Fight Night



Fighters to the ring with fan fare - carnival atmosphere - celebrity boxing, once only seen in small private venues, is breaking out into arenas. Neve Campbell to ring first - white sports bra, black trunks, black gloves, and white calf boots, and a glare that would burn through lead! Polite applause for the Canadian but then eruption as former Playmate of the Year makes her way to the ring - red bikini (thong of all things) with brass ring connections at the hip and between cups, red gloves … and barefoot? Some of the in the know ringside boys shaking their heads in disbelief, “She comes in a bikini and barefoot? What in the f*ck does she think this is? And I BET this chick! “.



Bettors may not like it but fans are eating it up, Jenny Mac pumping fist and whipping up the crowd. Blonde clowning and mugging all the way through referee’s instructions. When referee calls on fighters to shake hands, finally Neve speaks - cold and flat tone:



“You’re in trouble, b*tch!”



Round 1: Jenny McCarthy out of corner, bouncing on toes, left hand dangling, grinning and flicking jab as she circles perimeter. Neve Campbell all business, in half crouch, chin tucked behind her mitts, held close - mostly able to slip the flashy jab or take it on the gloves - and when he does, she looks to left hook to the body - landing occasionally with solid “thump”. Playmate mugging and shaking her head “no” - denying any effect from the body shots. For the most part, Neve is cautious behind her high guard and Jenny satisfied to skip around perimeter, flashing the stick. Blonde outworking brunette but Canadian landing the heavier leather. Close first round but goes to Neve Campbell based on more effective punching.



Round 2: Mac on the attack! Not as loose limbed but still leggy, Jenny now putting some “ooomph” on the jab and even when not landing clean, its disrupting Neve. Neve able to slip and get inside on occasion but change from the first round as J-Mac is now letting right hand lead go with stunning result and stopping brunette in her tracks. Blonde is dictating now and making Neve rethink her attacks. Playmate flashing hand and foot speed - she’s in - throws left right left - ribs, jaw back to the ribs - and she’s gone before Canadian can deliver response. Jenny Mac dominates the second and take it going away.



Round 3: More of the same - McCarthy flash and speed leaving Campbell with little to do but take take take. When she looks for that hook to the body, the body ain’t there! Up until now, Neve poised and cool but frustration is setting in - and Jenny grinning and sticking her tongue out is NOT helping the situation. Mid round, brunette gambles with a big right hand - blonde snakes neck away all bendy back and slings back with spanking left hook to the temple - Neve stumbles a half step to the right .. and then goes down on one knee … it’s a knockdown and already vocal crowd erupts! Neve up at “three” and as referee administers mandatory eight count, McCarthy is literally skipping around the perimeter, waving fists and leading her supporters in chant of “... Jenny … Jenny … Jenny …” Referee scolding the blonde and ordering her to fight. J-Mac bares the teeth and comes in blazing with both hands, backing brunette up inexorably, but while Playboy fans roar in approval, the knowledgeable at ringside are nodding - “Elbows, forearms , shoulders … kids’ picking most of this off … someone schooled her right … good defensive fighter!”. Near the end of the round as the fury of the blonde hurricane wanes, brunette digs her rear foot into canvas and lifts blonde up with an inside right to the solar plexus and follows with clipping uppercut to the chin that has Playmate staring for a moment. Bell rings and McCarthy shoves Campbell … and Campbell shoves McCarthy … and referee separates them! Two point round for Jenny McCarthy who refuses stoll in corner, braying to crowd “She’s mine … she’s mine … next round I’m knocking this skank OUT!!!”



Round 4: McCarthy looking to finish - meets Campbell center ring and two bantams letting their hands go. Roar from the crowd at McCarthy’s aggression; bigger roar when Campbell’s tight inside punching begins to force J-Mac back! Jenny with a look of rage; Neve cold eyed. Back and forth action - Mac landing with slapping cuffing shots to the head (though most to the top of the head) while Neve lowers head and pumps arms inside, punishing toned Playmate abs. Jenny disengages and Neve smiles, draws line in ring and taunts “Come on … come on!”. Some boos from crowd as McCarthy up on toes and dancing around perimeter -

Neve invited her in and Playmate said “No thanks!”. Round to Neve Campbell.



Rounds 5-6: McCarthy’s ego (and it is a big one) scalded by booing of fans last round and it is an angry and determined blonde who comes out for the fifth - and dominates! Sticking the jab. Slashing straight rights and then heel turns out of harm’s way. Neve able to score sporadically - glancing right to the head - pounding uppercut to sternum - and most consistently, that thumping left hook to the body. Still, it’s all about McCarthy in the fifth. Sixth round to Jenny as she has opened up a 4 round to 2 lead - and 58-55 on points after that knockdown in the third. Still, troubling signs - McCarthy right flank pinking up and she is wincing visibly when they ice ribs in the corner between rounds.



Round 7: And just like that - here comes Neve Campbell (after getting the “Yer blowin’ it, kid!” speech in the corner). A little more focused, feet a step quicker - when McCarthy tries to circle the perimeter, Neve’s cutting off the ring and bulling her to the ropes, pinning her with brawny shoulders, getting her head under blonde’s chin, setting up shop and doing the work! Right upper cut to sternum … pops hips to right and digs left hook to the ribs … pops hips to left and hammers right hand to the ribs. Blonde pawing, pushing, struggling, slapping cuffing shots to brunette pate but Canadian is just too strong for her! Near the bell, inside uppercut knocks one of the twin “talents’ McCarthy has built her career on out of her cups and draws a roar from crowd. At bell, Neve chesting up, “All mouth, huh, b*tch? I don’t hear you now? Why aren’t you talking now, huh? I’ll see you in sixty seconds, b*tch … just sixty seconds! You comin’ back out? You comin’ back out … or are you done?” Bell to bell … Neve Neve Neve!



Round 8: Boos from crowd as Playmate undergoes wardrobe repair. McCarthy wincing getting off stool, tummy has been pounded an angry pink. Neve off stool early … pounding gloves together … raring to go! Neve practically sprinting across the ring; Jenny visibly skittish - practically running from brunette bulldozer. Lands a cuffing right and looks to spin away but heel catches canvas as she backpedals and she stumbles. Neve on her quick and Jenny clinches but those powerful ballet trained thighs of NEve are able to inexorably walk J-Mac back to the ropes. Once again, Neve’s forehead in Jenny’s chest and arms moving like pistons … thump … thump … thump. Playmate looks to spin out but corralled and muscled back onto the cables. Blonde tries to clinch but brunette shrugs powerful shoulders, wrenches arms free, and pounds the body mercilessly, Jenny slumping forward over Neve’s back when Campbell twists into inside uppercut that clips the chin and Jenny Mac takes a knee! Referee with a job to muscle eager Neve Campbell back to a neutral corner and return to give gut shot blonde the count. McCarthy up at “6” … takes the “8” count … looking across the ring at brunette fury! Referee hits “8” and then “box” - apparently in Canada “box” means “destroy”? Campbell across ring grinning with dukes at her chin. Mac wants to move but legs no there … and still over a minute to go in the round! She pulls elbows in tight to ribs and tucks in the chin and waits for the northern hurricane. Left hook - first to the body then doubled to the head. Campbell half step back for punching room and drives right hand that splits the gloves and crashes that perky nose. Left to ribs and then wraps it around to really dig the liver … McCarthy with a sharp cry - spits the mouthpiece and AGAIN takes a knee! Up at “7” but shabby ad unsteady … hugging body, all wet eyed. Referee asks her if she wants to continue? Asks again … barely perceptible but looks to most like Jenny shaking her head “no”. Referee waves it off. Winner by TKO in the 8th round … Neve Campbell.



Post fight: Jenny getting the tenser bandages around ribs as she winces all teary eyed. Neve over to corner … talking to blonde … mics not picking it up but once boisterous blonde will not meet brunette’s eyes.



Reporter asks Canadian how she was able to come back from deep deficit going into the 7th; Neve shrugs and responds matter of factly, “Simple - I made her quit”. Later that evening it is made official - Neve Campbell one of the first fighters signed to a contract to compete in the FCBA. Usually talkative McCarthy not made available to the press, when a reporter does get a mic pointed at her and aks, “Jenny - you were way up, what happened out there?”; Playmate hisses in response, “Didn’t you see what happened? Are you as blind as that referee? Low blows! Well, if that’s the way she wants to play it … fine … next time I’ll at least know going in that the rules are there are no rules!”