CBAD: Stacy Keibler vs. Jade Cargill

Tale of the Tape:

Stacy Keibler (37-29-1, 30 KO)
5'11, 43 years old
Celebrity Wrestling Federation

vs.

Jade Cargill (0-2-0)
5'10, 31 years old
Free Agent

(Written by Celebrity Wrestling Federation/Results by Lookout!)

Intro:
"AND NOW! Making her 68th appearance in the ring, fighting under the Celebrity Wrestling Federation flag. Please welcome the Baltimore, Maryland native, standing 5 foot 11, weighing in at 130 pounds, STACYYYY KEEEEEIBLERRRRR!!”

Outfits:
Keibler’s lithe, Amazonian frame was lewdly wrapped in a microscopic string bikini that left little to the imagination. The blonde’s sternum swelled with anxious pants and deep, calming breaths; her taut abdomen sculpted out of bronze, her perky tits delicately compacted by a thin-banded tube top that belted tightly around her mushrooming B-cups. As she hit the apron, Keibler craned her long stems and bent at the waist, playfully shimmying her hips at the base of her toe-touch as she ducked through the ropes and into the ring. Her pale-pink string thong was devoured by jiggling folds of flesh, finally rising and rearranging the twined, biting string bottoms by hiking them high up her hips. Ending her old-school WWE entrance to raucous applause, the blonde arched and pressed to her tippy toes against the ropes, lifting to tie back her tightly-braided pony tail before pumping her gloved fists together.

As her opponent entered, it became quite clear that Jade Cargill was an entirely different breed of woman. A daunting specimen seemingly sculpted out of stone, Cargill took her time strutting down the runway with good reason; striking a body-builder’s pose every few feet to pump the intimidation tactics and rouse the drooling crowd. The titanic professional wrestler flaunted her showmanship just as much as her body, drinking in the mixture of adulation and insult. Cargill’s compact, muscled frame was wrapped in a pale teal bikini, knee-high leather boots in accompaniment as she slid ringside and waltzed into her corner.

Round 1:
Had these two been scheduled a decade ago in a different type of ring, the outcome would have been sealed in Cargill’s favor in less than the time it took them to circle for the first exchange; but here, Keibler stalked with much more purpose. Undoubtedly wary of Jade’s raw punching power thanks to her Stablemate’s scouting report just months earlier, Stacy wisely toyed with the spunky wrestler from range; whittling away at her impatient defenses with a volley of screwdriver overhand strikes. Cargill was chomping at the bit much like she had been against Katic; often over-extending to sling any amount of leather and leaving herself open for a boisterous reply from the poised blonde. Foregoing the concrete midsection altogether, Keibler’s target was the hanging chin of the newbie with seemingly every strike; clacking teeth-rattling jabs and crunchy hooks into the side of Cargill’s jaw until she begrudgingly accepted that Keibler could actually damage her and slunk away. Keibler wagged her hand with a cheeky smile at a frustrated Cargill as the Florida-native whizzed a spiked right hand just past her temple after the bell; visibly irritated that she hadn’t bullied Keibler just yet. Stacy takes a pristine first, 10-8.

Round 2/3:
After finally injecting some of her brawn and putting the blonde on her heels for the first time, Jade found herself creeping back with a 10-9 second. Even more worrying was that she was now oozing irrational confidence at the start of the third. Keibler fluttered in for a dainty left hand, rapping her glove off Cargill’s shoulder and whipping a subsequent hook into her ribs. With a sharp sideways crunch, Jade shrugged off the meaty thwack to her rippling belly; bursting into the blonde and pistoning an echoing straight right into the center of Keibler’s sternum.

Keibler heaved as Jade erupted forward with her tree-trunk stems, hooking the blonde’s hip with a crafty right hand and tugging her into a voracious pair of lefts. Stacy’s lithe, arched torso curled violently around Cargill’s venomous hooks; each eliciting a shrill squelch as they lifted into the underside of the Canadian’s scantly-clad rack. Keibler tip-toed back into the ropes, balling up behind her arms as Cargill unloaded with side-winding hooks to the ribs that quaked the blonde’s rocking frame with each fleshy thump. A slithery uppercut to the chin disrupted the violent hammering of Stacy’s flexing midsection; fracturing her defenses and sprawling her across the top rope before the belly blows ramped up once again. Keibler’s wide eyes darted as Cargill enveloped her; a mist of sweat whipping across the front few rows as Jade slung a tight, sweeping left hook across the blonde’s cheek. Keibler’s legs trembled and buckled, pinching inward just as a gutting one-two pierced and tore through her toned navel. With a guttural whimper, the blonde folded inward and collapsed to her knees; the ring quaking as she spiked to a heaving stop on all fours.

1… 2… Keibler sprawled to her haunches and slid into the fetal position; her tummy spasming with sharp, abbreviated breaths as she desperately sucked wind.

“Oh give me a break!” Cargill barked at the official from above; “this pageant queen is just hamming it up because she knows I was about to put her down for good… Get her up!”

3… 4… 5… 6… Keibler took her sweet time to struggle back to her feet; whether by design or out of necessity. Still feeling the effects of the boulders Jade dropped on her slender belly, the Baltimore-native coyly refused to engage for the last thirty seconds; dancing along the outskirts as Jade vehemently taunted in pursuit. Despite being unable to finish, Cargill has turned this fight on its head. 10-8, Jade.

Round 4:
WWE Keibler would have surely folded after such an onslaught, but FCBA Keibler responded with a vengeance. All it took was a ferocious swing-and-miss from Cargill in the opening seconds and the lithe blonde forced herself right down Jade’s throat. Tethered by the blonde’s length, Cargill buckled and backpedaled as Stacy doubled her punching output in seemingly two minutes; lashing Jade’s toned, unbreakable midsection with biting overhands and jabs until the platinum-haired Diva found herself twisted up against the ropes. Keibler postured to her tippy toes as Cargill started to wilt; dropping her head right into range for the sinewy blonde to beam titanic, spiky rights into her temple with almost no effort at all. Every handful of punches, Keibler would dip into a looping hook or uppercut to the liver; disorienting the inexperienced rookie and keeping her completely guessing as to where her defenses should hover. Jade did her best to break horns with Keibler, two-hand shoving her some feet backwards, but the blonde was relentless. Keibler took a single gazelle-stride and ate up the space between them, launching another flurry that rattled Cargill into the corner with a heavy crash. Keibler alternated hands up and down Jade’s spine; zipper-hooking the slouching Diva right up until the bell peeled her off. What an unbelievable response from Keibler, as she shuts Cargill out immediately after being knocked down. 10-0 Keibler.

Round 5:
Jade’s body from the neck-down was unlikely to break down before Keibler’s; so it would have to be her mind, or at least her head that was somehow shattered. Cargill hadn’t made it past the fifth in either of her previous two fights, and with Keibler riding the momentum from her shutout, Cargill stumbled once again out of the blocks. Feeling the burn in her muscles from punching fatigue, Cargill’s efforts quickly became more lumbering; whipping a trio of heavy, but telegraphed hooks toward the scampering blonde. Keibler ducked her chin out of the way of all three; striding forward and responding with a zig-zagging one-two-three up the body. The first two uppercuts crunched against Jade’s ribs before the third shook her jaw; baring her mouthpiece as an unmistakable grimace etched across her twisted features. Cargill’s shoulders slumped inward, her hands sagging as she swept another unhinged jab over the blonde’s head. Keibler ducked through and bore a brutal hook into Jade’s solar-plexus; topping her gut-wrenching strike with a two-tap left to the side of Cargill’s skull. Jade’s upper half teetered heavily to the side before wobbling back upright; her heel clumsily planting to steady herself as her arms fell uselessly away. With a quick slide to her left, Keibler positioned a callous straight right hand and snapped it square into Cargill’s lips; buckling the bleach-haired beauty and felling her with a quaking thud.

1… 2… 3… 4… Jade’s muscled frame twitched with sharp spasms, her eyes fluttering into the back of her skull as each limb slid flat to the canvas. Keibler confidently turned-tail and gave her ass a playful wiggle in Cargill’s general direction; skipping back to her corner with a cocksure grin across her lips.

5… 6… SHE’S OUT!!

"And your winner, by KO in Round 5, STACYYYYY KEIIIIIBLERRRRRR!!!!"