Quarterfinals (Stana Katic vs. Jenny McCarthy)

Tale of the Tape:

Stana Katic (3-0-0)
5'9, 44 years old

vs.

Jennifer McCarthy (2-1-0)
5'7, 49 years old

(Written by Celebrity Wrestling Federation/Results by Lookout!)

Intro:
"AND NOW! Making her 18th appearance in the ring, her 13th as a managed fighter under the Celebrity Wrestling Federation flag. Please welcome the Hamilton, Ontario native, standing 5 foot 9, weighing in at 125 pounds, STANAAAAA KAAAAAATIC!!"

While Katic was technically the higher seeded of the two following the Pool Play competition, you wouldn’t convince Jenny McCarthy that she was the underdog. Strutting right through Katic’s corner just to brush shoulders as the lithe brunette limbered and shadow-boxed through some last-minute instruction, McCarthy paraded around the outskirts with the confidence of a former Champion who still believed she could summit those same heights even in her old age. A Unified Bantamweight Title holder in 2009, Jenny had breathed new life into the twilight of her career with stunning victories over Kate Beckinsale and Joanna Krupa; nearly felling Yvonne Strahovski on top of it all. Judging by Stana’s non-reaction to the arrogance from McCarthy, it looked as though she felt the magnitude of the blonde’s career accomplishments. With five times as many wins as Katic had contests, Jenny was a popular pick to cut the brunette down and set up a rematch with Strahovski.

Outfits:
Katic's lithe, statuesque frame glistened under the heat of the overhead spotlights as she slid out of her satin robe and revealed every plump fold and delicate curve of her bronzed skin. Each athletic twist and shimmy of her taut upper half caused her modest bosom to swell, her teardropping B-cups mushrooming out the top and bottom of the thin-banded tube top belted around her sternum. Katic craned her long stems and dipped into a lewd crouching split, playfully shimmying her hips at the base of her crouch. Her pale-pink string thong was devoured by jiggling folds of flesh, finally rising and rearranging the twined, biting string bottoms by hiking them high up her hips. Ending her corner show, the brunette arched her delicate rib cage and pressed to her tippy toes against the ropes, lifting to tie back her tightly-braided pigtails before pumping her gloved fists together.

McCarthy was dressed to impress as well; her golden, sun-kissed skin slicked with a sheen of sweat as she slid in her gum shield and warmed her fists. Clad in a matte black, frilly push-up bra and matching thong bottoms, Jenny gave her tits a playful jiggle as Katic side-eyed her corner; palming her overflowing D-cups with an accompanying venomous taunt that was thankfully drowned out and censored by the roar of the crowd. This of course wasn’t a JMDD bout, but post-match carnage certainly wasn’t unheard of, and McCarthy was intent on letting Katic know that she had the goods to dish out some humiliation.

Round 1:
Much like her timid start against Stacy Keibler, Katic struggled to dictate the pace of the fight early against a much more experienced McCarthy. Jenny seemingly led Katic by a leash, battering her from corner to corner with oppressive power. Katic was quick to retaliate when she was cornered and nearing real danger, fending off McCarthy’s aggression with a warning uppercut from her feared right hand, but Jenny refused to be deterred. McCarthy’s chin proved iron-clad, eating a stiff right that Katic appeared to expect to buckle her, and countering with a swift, sweeping left hook that nearly took Stana off her feet. Careening into the ropes before stabilizing and circling out, Katic looked puzzled and somewhat bothered by Jenny’s incessant verbal abuse. The mouthy blonde’s sh*t-talking waterfall couldn’t be dammed, even seconds after being force-fed a pound of leather. Though her parade to her corner might’ve indicated a larger margin of victory, McCarthy still took the first 10-9.

Round 2:
Settling into a comfortable striking groove for the first time tonight, both fighters seemed to have ironed out the kinks in their game after the first. Jenny would’ve preferred to keep Katic off the scoreboard for a bit longer, but Stana showcased some of her promise with a deft dodge and counter; snaking a side-winding left hand through a gap in Jenny’s forearms and popping her square on the nose. McCarthy’s arms pinwheeled as she drifted a handful of steps back, incensed at being tagged and recklessly charging into Katic. Rather than throwing leather, McCarthy simply mauled the brunette, drawing a scolding from the official as they were forcibly separated. With the blonde somewhat perturbed and lacking the right frame of mind, Katic found a controlling rhythm; darting forward for a handful of guerrilla combinations, rattling the blonde, then slinking out of reach. Katic played hard-to-get, and McCarthy’s frustration continued to grow as she did so, giving Katic a slight edge in the punches-landed category. Katic takes it 10-9.

Round 3:
Finally capitalizing on her immense reach advantage, Katic seized her first real control of the bout, winning the opening exchange with a sturdy right-right-left combination that snapped against McCarthy’s walled up defenses, but still wobbled her. The blonde tried to retaliate with a hopeful straight left, but as it fell well short of Stana’s chin, the brunette repayed the effort with a straight left of her own that flattened Jenny’s considerable bosom. The blonde wailed as she backpedaled and stumbled into the corner, swaddling her breasts with both arms as Katic crow-hopped forward and stapled her to the ropes, leaning body-to-body with McCarthy to keep her arms low to her sides. Katic pattered a series of rabbit punches into Jenny’s ribs as the former Playmate of the Year could do little in the way of escaping the brunette’s pressure, simply yelping with each tight uppercut that reddened her slender midsection. Finally managing to sneak her shoulder between the two, Jenny broke their embrace and palmed Katic’s delicately wrapped tits, shoving with both hands with all she had left in the tank. Unfortunately for McCarthy, all she managed to do was buck Katic back into striking range, as the brunette coiled her rippling frame and spun through a decapitating right that bludgeoned Jenny’s exposed temple. McCarthy folded face-first into the ropes before scurrying across the ring, awkwardly stumbling as if she was shackled by weights as she created just enough space to survive. Katic never found quite the same advantage the rest of the round, but still did enough to take it 10-8.

Round 4:
Displaying some of the resilience and acumen that had catalyzed her career in her younger days, McCarthy bounced back from a less-than-stellar pair of rounds with a statement. Katic opened the fourth by pressuring McCarthy, which was to be expected after some success, waltzing forward and shelling the blonde with a greeting right overhand. McCarthy wore it in the temple, somewhat ricocheting the glancing strike with her forearm before lunging forward and gutting the brunette with a devastating uppercut to the ribs. Katic winced as she slouched over at the hip, shuffling back a few clumsy steps as McCarthy found the balls of her toes, pushing forward to close any space Stana gave away. The blonde suddenly became voracious as the small of Katic’s spine careened into and bowed against the ropes; pistoning a sharp left-right combination into Stana’s pierced navel, doubling her further before a sweeping left hand punctured her exposed left breast. Katic’s jaw fell slack as her abdomen deflated, pinching the crook of her armpit shut to shield her pulsing bosom.

Opening up her other side, Stana pinwheeled through a desperate left cross of her own; her gloved fist rattling off McCarthy’s defenses before Jenny bodied Katic again, straightening her up with a shoulder to the sternum and ripping a savage, low-ranging right into her liver. Katic’s left knee buckled inward as she slumped forward, dribbling her mouthpiece to the canvas as she smeared against Jenny’s hip, throatily mewling in agony. McCarthy had the brunette snared, with Katic looking up through loose, sweat-matted strands of hair as Jenny drifted a step backwards and coiled a goodnight left hand. Artfully dipping beyond 90 degrees, Katic mystified the blonde as she dodged the spiking left overhand, somehow managing to slip through and circle out of harm’s way, though still visibly overwhelmed.

Clumsily sidling her way out of a few more invitations to exchange from McCarthy, Katic survived the rest of the round while holding on for dear life, still struggling to draw in a breath even as she took a seat between rounds.

Round 5:
Having still not opened her mouth since the pre-fight, Katic was presumed by McCarthy to be crumbling under the weight of the moment, simply soaking in all the venom she had been spewing for the last four rounds. After nearly kissing canvas in the last round, Stana wobbled forward to engage a rejuvenated and highly-combative McCarthy, much to the chagrin of her corner. Katic shifted to a goofy-footed stance as she waded forward, tossing a testing left which McCarthy swatted away with an insulting cackle. Jenny vaulted forward with an evil gleam in her eyes, sweeping a homicidal left hand toward Katic’s flushed cheek, only to have her smirk dissipate when Katic miraculously evaded. Dropping her back left knee almost to the ground, Stana smoothly crouched under the head-hunting left, ripping a piercing right hand into Jenny’s navel. The blonde gagged as her belly was skewered, her frame slouching right into a rising, trailing left hook that snapped brutally against her jaw. McCarthy’s arms fell slack as her frame stiffened immediately on impact, her bulbs lulling in their sockets as she slowly tipped backwards, erupting in a mess of limbs as her back hit the mat with a weighted thud. Her frame jolted with convulsions as she stared blankly skyward, waved off by the official before the count even began, unceremoniously silenced by a stunning one-two from the brunette.

"And your winner, by KO in Round 5, STANA KAAAAAAAATIC!!!!"