Briana Evigan versus Jenny McCarthy

Fight Night: Briana Evigan, toned and tight in purple sports bra and gray boy shorts, ripped abs drawing attention of knowing ringsiders, to ring with trainer and seconded by stablemate Zendaya Coleman, both girls gyrating to theme from “Step Up” and loudly applauded by audience. Then comes thumping slap base and Bobby Darin crooning “Oh the shark, babe …” and here comes Jenny McCarthy, black bikini with white Playboy bunny logo on one cup and shamrock on the other, and not looking ANYTHING like 47 years of age, accompanied by Sceej trainer Scrubby McGee and seconded by the enforcer, Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin. McCarthy smirking during ring instructions, ever the clown – some concern that ANOTHER fight could break out as Zendaya and Gena Lee trade words. Matchup of the speed and youth of Evigan against the power and unpredictability of McCarthy – most pundits thinking youth will be served; McCarthy with the proverbial puncher’s chance.

Round 1: Briana out of corner bouncing on toes, arms loose; J-Mac with dukes up, stalking, chasing, then cutting loose – jab, then overhand right (slipped by Evigan) and pounding left – right to toned midriff. Brunette lands a slapping left to blonde cheek and backpedals. McCarthy grins and juts out chin, trying to goad younger woman into exchanges, but Bri not taking the bait. McCarthy pursues around ring, landing mostly to shoulders and forearms but late the round, ringing left hook off temple shakes Evigan. J-Mac presses her to ropes and looking to maul, younger woman looking to tie up and wrestle, burn older woman’s reserves. At bell, McCarthy chests up and won’t let Evigan off ropes – which draws a two handed shove from Bri. Round to McCarthy based on bell to bell aggression

Round 2: Once again, Evigan out of corner on toes but laser eyed and purposeful. Pap … pap … pap … pap … jab finding Jenny-Mac’s forehead, juggs, nose … frustrated blonde with wild right in response but late and Holloway fighter slips it. Briana circling to her left and when Mac looks to cut ring, punished with left right combination then slick heel pivot and brunette skips back to her right. Briana using athleticism, she’s in, flurries – and she’s out before Jenny counters. Taunts and beckons older blonde to pursue and Mac obliges – eating leather without landing in return. Virtuoso round by brunette matador.

Round 3: Nolin in Jenny’s ear between rounds, hissing “Get rough with this bytch!”. Mac out in high guard, taking punches off elbows and forearms and methodically corralling younger smaller woman into corner, then banging with both hands to rib cage, midriff, occasionally left hook to jaw. Evigan fighting back, clips blonde with uppercut right to chin but just cannot get out of that corner! Scrubby McGee, “Da body … da body … take her damn legs!” Finally, Bri able to spin out of corner and backpedal to center ring but bodywork has sapped the legs and she is forced to trade with blonde. Brianna landing in equal volume but can’t match Jenny Mac in weight of shot – good comeback round for the Playmate!

Round 4: Now it’s Zendaya in stablemate’s ear “Don’t trade with this old hag - there’s no reason! Show this chick what class is all about! Box her ears off, tire her old ass out, and finish her in the late rounds, baby!” Evigan startling some, coming out flatfooted, left hand dangling but when Jenny McCarthy marches on her, she is startled by lightning left jab knocking her head back. And again … and again … frustration boiling the blonde as Bri begins to taunt. Jenny looking to walk through jab to close when brunette feints and plants right hand right on the button! Playmate legs shimmy and J-Mac stumbles back. Brianna cool headed in pursuit, no knockout lust … just methodical. Steers blonde to rope with jab, then uses feints to make her flinch and drives straight right hands to midriff. Pops hips right and digs hook to right flank, and then again, pounding the liver. McCarthy grunting, starting to sag, erupts with desperation left hook but hits nothing with air as Evigan dances backward. Evigan beckons for Jenny to pursue off ropes but blonde is gun shy, drawing some boos form crowd. Bell rings and it is a big round for Evigan of Holloway!

Round 5: “Keep the pressure on, Bri, old girl’s wilting!” Zendaya to Brianna.

Scrubby McGee to Jenny Mac, “Jenny, you been it with da best! Dis goil is nuttin … now go get our respect!”

Evigan switching up to keep older fighter guessing, on toes again, bouncing circling, pumping jab … jab to head … jab to midriff … jab to head … whistling straight right which grazes blonde jaw and spooks her. Mac backpedals rapidly and back hits the cables. Brunette in pursuit … jab jab jab … pinning older woman … then rips that left hook to the liver and again, a groan from McCarthy. Evigan back off … grinning … sticks out chin … enraged J-Mac with wild left hook, slipped by Bri, who pounds counter right hand to blonde temple and again, Playmate knees buckle perceptibly. Evigan just laying on the punishment … and Brianna goes jugg … carpet bombing the proud McCarthy rack … girls jostling in the cups … brunette wild with jugg lust …. and EVIGAN DOWN! EVIGAN DOWN!!! Jenny McCarthy with looping Hail Mary right that crashes onto younger woman’s jaw and puts her on ass, blinking all ‘wha’ jus’ happened???” Dazed McCarthy guided to neutral corner, asks Nolin “Did they stop it?”, seemingly unaware she scored knockdown and thinking she may have lost!!! Evigan up woozy at 8, hard look from referee who lets it continue. Jenny slow and hesitant out of corner and bell rings before she can re-engage. What looked to be a big round for Brianna Evigan swings the other way off stunning knockdown.

Round 6: Both girls getting ice on the neck, frantic work by the corners – there is a sense that this one is not lasting past the sixth though it’s anybody’s fight! Fighter assisted to feet off stools and sent back out with a shove to the back from respective corners. Evigan does not have her legs back. The two stare at each other and circle about ten seconds, then McCarthy attacks with big overhand right, Evigan slips the haymaker and guts opponent with short left to gut. Two way action with both women letting hands go has crowd on its feet. Evigan classier, jabbing and looking to place the right on the chin - Jenny Mac with teeth bared and swinging wild.

McCarthy with left hook that glances off Evigan scalp … Evigan jab knocks back McCarthy head like a pex-dispensor … Evigan with hook to the rib cage … McCarthy swings and misses with overhand right … Evigan buffeting lefts and rights … and McCarthy with left uppercut that sends Evigan reeling backward … McCarthy follows up … right hand to chin … Evigan down … starfished … count is at 3 … 4 … 5 … McCarthy jawing with Zendaya … makes “throat cut” gesture with glove … 8 … 9 … 10 … Briana Evigan counted out!

Winner by knockout in sixth round – Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy!!!

Post fight: McCarthy interview, classy as always, “Enough with these bums! And enough of this ‘cougar’ bullsh*t! Bella Thorne … my people will contact your people … it’s the fight people want to see … let’s do this!”