Brie Larson versus Renee Rapp

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to be dazzled as we welcome a multi-talented sensation to the ring. She's an actress and singer, and now she's ready to conquer the world of boxing!

The crowd roars with enthusiasm as Renee ‘Our Little Lesbian Intern’ Rapp makes her way to the ring, and who can blame them? She's been the talk of the town after starring in a musical remake of Mean Girls and delivering memorable performances on Saturday Night Live.

As her song 'Snow Angel' blares through the arena let’s not forget her impressive stats—standing tall at 5 foot 7 inches and weighing in at 137 pounds. 24 years old! Hailing from NORTH CAROLINAAA!

She’s wearing designer pink sweats, adorned with crisp white boxing gloves and shoes, her blonde hair tied up conservatively in a ponytail, ready for business.
Rapp making her FCBA debut tonight, and her name is already on everyone's lips.


As the iconic "Captain Marvel" theme blares through the arena, the anticipation builds. Watch the big screen as a cosmic panorama unfolds, and there she is, the extraordinary Brie Larson, floating above the Earth in her superhero costume, a symbol of power and grace.

Born in the sunny heart of Sacramento, California, and at a striking 5 foot 7 inches, she stands at the top of her career at 34 years old. You've witnessed her talent in smash hits like "Unicorn Store" and "Raising Dad," where she's captured hearts and imaginations worldwide.

With a wink to the camera, Larson takes a daring dive toward Earth as her theme song reaches its zenith. In a dazzling spectacle, a pyrotechnic explosion of bright blue light transforms the arena, creating the illusion that Larson has descended from the cosmos itself.

The crowd, initially filled with wild cheers, experiences a sudden shift as she walks out to the ring. The boos rain down, but Brie Larson, with her trademark broad smile and girl-next-door looks takes it all in stride.

Ladies and gentlemen, whether you love her or hate her, put your hands together for the one and only Brie Larson!

Round 1

Jim Ross: "Here we are in the opening round. Larson extends her gloves to touch with Rapp. But look at Rapp, she's cautious, and rightly so. She knows all about Brie's reputation in the ring."

Eddie Haskell: "I don't know what you mean, Jim. Brie is just welcoming Renee to the FCBA! It's very sportsmanlike, a real hallmark of our fine city's hospitality!"

Jim Ross: "If you believe that, Eddie, I have a $5 Mexican orange I'd like to sell you."

POW!

Eddie Haskell: "Good god almighty! Renee put her gloves out, and Brie just clobbered her! Down goes Rapp!"

Jim Ross: "It’s perfectly legal, Eddie. The bell rang, and the whole point of boxing is to knock out the opponent. At least Larson understands the basics."

Eddie Haskell: "Look at this! Brie just steps over Renee like she's a speed bump on Main Street and casually walks into the enemy’s corner, asking for an open water bottle."

Jim Ross: "The audacity of Larson is something else. The ref's counting 6, but Larson tells him to stop."

Eddie Haskell: "She dumps the water right over Renee’s face! That’s colder than a January morning in Peoria!"

Brie Larson: [Laughing at the booing crowd] "What? I’m supposed to use my own water?"

Jim Ross: "That's Larson for you, always a step ahead and playing mind games. She's not just a fighter; she's a performer who knows how to get under her opponent's skin."

Eddie Haskell: "And get under the crowd's skin too, it seems! This is shaping up to be a match full of surprises."

Jim Ross: "What a start to this bout! Larson has set the tone, and now it's up to Rapp to respond. Let's see what the next round holds."

Eddie Haskell: "If it's anything like this one, we’re in for a real treat, Jim. Like Lumpy at an all-you-can-eat buffet!"

[Both fighters return to their corners, preparing for the next round.]


Round 2

Jim Ross: "We're back for round two, and Rapp’s inexperience seems to be playing in her favor. Her unconventional approach is proving to be a challenge for Larson."

Eddie Haskell: "You got that right, Jim! Renee’s wild swings and sporadic footwork are like nothing I've ever seen! She’s got Larson keeping her guard up and backpedaling. It's like watching a cat trying to catch a laser pointer."

Jim Ross: "Larson can dish it out, but she’s clearly not comfortable taking hits. She doesn’t like being on the receiving end, and it's showing."

Eddie Haskell: "Yeah, eating punches like Lumpy at the county fair pie-eating contest. He thought he could breeze through it, but halfway through, he realized those pies were fighting back!"

Jim Ross: "Well, Larson's got to find her rhythm and figure out how to handle Rapp’s unpredictable style. She needs to regain control of this fight."

Eddie Haskell: "Meanwhile, Rapp's just swinging away, blissfully unaware of any boxing conventions. It’s working for her, though!"

Jim Ross: "Larson is a skilled boxer, but she's struggling to find an answer to Rapp’s erratic movements. She needs to adapt quickly."

Eddie Haskell: "Lumpy should've been taking notes from Rapp. Maybe then he wouldn’t have ended up covered in blueberry filling!"

Jim Ross: "And that’s the end of round two. Rapp’s unusual tactics have certainly thrown Larson off her game. This is turning into a very interesting match."

Round 3

Jim Ross: "The match intensifies as we see Captain Marvel, Brie Larson, taking a more cautious approach this round. She's sizing up Rapp, looking for an opening."

Eddie Haskell: "And oh! Look at that! Larson turns away from Rapp’s wide swing and hits the blonde with two quick jabs."

Jim Ross: "Precise and effective. Larson is not taking any chances here."

Eddie Haskell: "Renee likes that about as much as one of Mrs. Canfield’s pop quizzes back in high school. Not one bit, Jim!"

Jim Ross: "Another wild swing from Rapp, but Larson, she's nimble. She bobs out of the way and POW!"

Eddie Haskell: "Just like Mary Ellen Rogers when we went on a date to the drive-in. Renee's head snaps back! Brie is bobbin’ and weavin’, not giving an inch."

Jim Ross: "Larson has adjusted to Rapp’s erratic style. She's leveraging her resilience and strategic thinking. This is what sets her apart."

Eddie Haskell: "Rapp’s throwing punches like Lumpy at the fair's dunk tank, but Larson's not getting wet today."

Jim Ross: "Both fighters are giving it their all, but Larson's experience is shining through in this round. She's edging out a close win here."

Eddie Haskell: "Rapp's got spirit, but Larson’s got the strategy. This is turning into quite the showdown, Jim!"

Jim Ross: "And that's the bell!”

Round 4

Eddie Haskell: "Look at Renee charging in like Lumpy at the grand opening of a candy store! She’s all in, Jim!"

Jim Ross: "Rapp seems to be harnessing her nervous energy into a kind of desperate drive, landing several effective strikes."

Eddie Haskell: "Yeah, but she's still a green fighter, barely able to throw a proper punch. Those are some wild swings! Brie looks more annoyed than anything as she takes those sloppy jabs."

Jim Ross: "Larson is showcasing her boxing IQ here. She's not rushing, just methodically working her way through Rapp’s offense."

Eddie Haskell: "Rapp's got spirit, I'll give her that. But spirit alone isn’t going to win you a boxing match."

Jim Ross: "And that’s the end of Round 4. Rapp came out strong, but Larson's experience and patience are evident. She's handling Rapp’s energy effectively."

Round 5

Jim Ross: "Here we are in Round 5. Larson, showcasing her physical and mental toughness, has truly turned into a pressure fighter! She's on the offensive, pushing Rapp back with every move."

Eddie Haskell: "Oof! Captain Marvel just took her pound of flesh out of Renee with a massive right to the stomach! Renee looks like she just walked into her surprise birthday party and found out it was a prank!"

Jim Ross: "Brie is taking out her frustrations on poor Renee's tummy! She's giving Rapp a first-hand lesson in the labors of boxing, and it's a tough one!"

Eddie Haskell: "And another belly slammer lifts Renee right off the canvas! This is just like when Lumpy tried to jump on the trampoline at the carnival. He went up but came down with a thud!"

Jim Ross: "Good god almighty! Larson is relentless. Somebody needs to stop this match!"

Eddie Haskell: "Brie has a 2 kg advantage on Renee, and she's making every bit of it count! Renee is hugging Brie's torso, but Larson keeps slugging at Renee's abs as though they're the critics of ‘The Marvels’!"

Round 6

Jim Ross: "As we enter Round 6, I really thought Rapp was going to throw in the towel, but here she is, back in the fight!"

Eddie Haskell: "She’s moving like she's walking through a barn in Mayfield, my home town. Cautious but determined."

Jim Ross: "What’s this? Larson seems to be blown up, and Rapp is seizing her moment! This is a complete turnaround!"

Eddie Haskell: "Look at those hard lefts and rights to Brie Larson, and she is staggering backwards! Renee’s found her second wind!"

Jim Ross: "Larson looks like she's overwhelmed by Rapp's wild offense and... bah gawd! Larson hits the mat! Larson is down!"

Eddie Haskell: "This is just like when Lumpy tried to run the 50-yard dash at the county fair. He started strong but ended up flat on his face!"

Jim Ross: "Unbelievable! Larson is climbing the ropes! How is she doing this? The sheer determination is astounding!"

Round 7

Eddie Haskell: "This is literally the hardest fight Renee Rapp has ever been in!"

Jim Ross: "Well, Eddie, this is the only fight Rapp has been in, but what an impressive showing. Seven rounds with a journeyman fighter like Brie Larson. Rapp is fighting an actual superhero and holding her own."

Eddie Haskell: "Renee's going to have one heck of a story to tell on our date tonight."

Jim Ross: "Rapp is clearly exhausted, moving around the ring with an unsteady gait. I'm afraid she might have nothing left in the tank. Larson, meanwhile, is keeping her at a distance with her arm out."

Eddie Haskell: "Brie pulls back her fist..."

KAPOW!

Jim Ross: "Huge right hook lays Renee Rapp out! That was a textbook punch from Larson."

Eddie Haskell: "The crowd's throwing their drinks at Brie Larson as she blows them kisses. Not everyone’s a fan of the knockout, it seems."

Jim Ross: "The referee is counting, and it looks like Renee Rapp isn't getting up. Brie Larson has won this match by KO in Round 7!"

Eddie Haskell: "What a fight, Jim! Rapp showed guts, but Larson showed why she's one of the best. A knockout finish in the seventh round!"

Jim Ross: "Rapp might have lost, but she's earned the respect of everyone here tonight. She went toe-to-toe with a top fighter and made it to the seventh round."