Post by Lookout! Boxing on Aug 25, 2023 21:58:23 GMT -6
Neriah Fisher vs
Jenny Mccarthy
Results by Lookout!, Writing by OddManOut, sceej, caspian
BEFORE: Pre fight press conference - Jenny Mac braying, dominating, barely letting Fisher or her team a word - “Look, this kid’s a nobody - 8 wins? Really? Really?!! And she’s from a loser bloodline too! Mother had less than 20 fights AND a losing record! I beat the mother and now I’ll beat her - I DEFY the calendar! And don’t you eyeball me, Burke, or I will come over there and put a beat down on you as a warm-up! They put this little punk in with Palicki and she lasted six rounds cuz Addie is soft-hearted. Against me? Three rounds tops! Bet on it!”
Murmurs in the press as some of the grayheads remember November 2007 beach bout between Brooke Burke and Jenny Mac. It was supposed to be a tune-up for Jenny and it turned into a war with Jenny tasting sand TWICE before eaking out a decision (and a lot of the ringside press had Burke winning that fight).
Brooke Burke FINALLY gets access to a microphone, “Same old … and I do mean OLD … loudmouth McCarthy. Remember the 2007 fight? Huh? Huh? Dropped your flabby ass in the sand twice. Of course I was robbed because they were trying to prop you up for a title fight - except you pissed the bed against McAdams, right, loudmouth? Well, my little girl is not gonna let this go to the cards - she’s gonna knock this skank out - bet on THAT!”
McCarthy lunging at Brooke Burke, Fisher out of her seat trying to get at J-Mac, press conference degenerates into a near riot - standard procedure at a McCarthy presser!
Murmurs out of the Sceej camp - Gena Lee Nolin is training McCarthy! Scrubby McGee has been adamant he does not want Jenny fighting anything but cougar bouts (Mac now fifty-plus years of age!) and won’t have anything to do with this. No one knows Jenny better than McGee and that wise head may be missed in the corner.
Fight time: Kate Beckinsale first down the ramp, sporting a pink bandeau bikini and sunglasses, giving the crowd a wave as she takes her place at the announcer’s table.
1661961_1.jpg (590×350) (express.co.uk)
Securing the headset, Kate begins her commentary with a pointed remark. "Ladies and gentlemen, if history is anything to go by, Jenny's chances tonight seem rather... slim, to put it mildly," she says, her voice dripping with subtle sarcasm. "I mean, let's not forget Neriah's mother, the formidable Brooke Burke, has already managed to put Jenny flat on the sand twice, while McMuffin only scored a lucky knockdown on Brooke once on the sand back in 2007. How else do you expect her to fare against her daughter, who's faster, hungrier, and stronger?"
Kate smirks to her fellow commentators at the booth by ringside, drawing occasional glares from McCarthy herself, who looks hella disturbed by her presence. Suffice it to say, thank god the blonde won't hear the Brit's remarks till the fight is over.
Ringpost in sand setup. Neriah enters first in a gold triangle bikini, black gloves, hair loose and wind-blown wild. Jenny enters in a black bikini, matching gloves, hair loose down her back. Both fighters barefoot in the sand.
R1: Walking barrage, Jenny: strong right hand lead; right foot steps forward; strong left hand - punches pounding off Neriah's prepared defences. Fisher hits ropes, dukes high: Mccarthy bangs the body right/left - hooks jug tidy - pushes the left forearm against brunette to stabilize. Hard overhand right clubs Neriah's ear: she spins off ropes, backpedalling hard. Jenny in pursuit: she hops in the hard right hand up top, then hooks-to-jug: Fisher chased onto far ropes as McCarthy piles in. BANGING rights and lefts bounce off tight abs, Jenny's head lowered, arms a-pumpin'. That's the gist of the first two minutes: stiff-punchin' Mccarthy hammering Fisher pillar to post, going body as brunette keeps a rigid high guard in place. Down the stretch, Jenny pounding Neriah's tanned body: Fisher starts chippin' the little uppercuts. Right uppie, left uppie; Neriah clipping Jenny, picking her face up, then HOOKING THE TASTE OUT OF HER MOUTH! McCarthy wobbling back on rubbery legs - she's thunderstruck. Fisher over to offence - weaving low while flowing forward, carrying the straight right hand into Mccarthy's belly, then straightening up, hooking with palm-down delivery. Jenny grudgingly pushed backward: Neriah deep-weaving to get the right hand, straightening up to get the hook, digging payback rights and lefts to Mac's firm torso - gloves bouncing off toned muscle at bell. Both fighters wobbly butt, but sassy: Neriah patting abs at Jenny, daring her to try it again.
Beckinsale doesn't hold back her thoughts. "Well, it's quite clear that Jenny's trying to dominate from the start, isn't she? All that power, stepping in and pounding away... but let's not forget, brute strength isn't everything. Neriah’s solid defenses proved just that. You can see McCarthy’s frustration build every time her punches meet Fisher’s dukes or bounce harmlessly off her tight abs. And Jenny may have had the early upper hand, but look at how Neriah turned things around! Those sharp uppercuts, those delicious hooks... that's skill right there. I mean, by the end of the round, who had Jenny wobbling? Fisher's showing the kind of mettle her mother displayed back on the beach. Jenny, for all her aggression, might have bitten off more than she can chew with this one!"
Kate's eyes glisten with mischief. "And that dare at the end by Neriah, patting her abs like that? Classic. I'd love to see Jenny try again, only to meet more of those tasty hooks. McCarthy better recalibrate, or this fight could turn into a rerun of past humiliations."
R2: Neriah attacks: sweet brunette science at work. Stiff jolting jabs - Fisher's right heel up off the sand for extra thrust. That low-sweeping torso weave from last round is back, Fisher's head at Mac's navel-level when she crams the right hand to tummy...then she's hopping in tall, hooking Jenny's jaw palm-down. Neriah's legs taut and springy - moving her in and out as she changes up distance, keeping Mccarthy on the defensive. Jenny driven backward, but answering in spots: furious back and forth exchanges see both women clapping away brisk side-to-side swattings, elbows in tight to shorten up stroke. Overall it's Neriah: she's dictating terms all through the round.
R3: Jenny woman's up: she's scuffed - nice little mouse forming under left eye, but she's at Neriah with the same walking barrage of sturdy, banging rights and lefts. Fisher stepping back in her stance - weaving torso-right, then torso-left, then RIPPING the hook to Jenny's jugs: McCarthy grimacing but holding firm, hooking brunette's tits in reprisal, then trying for chin righty. Blistering toe-to-toe - both women setting and uncoiling on hard, single-shot licks: bashing blows skidding off scalps, slamming into chests and flanks, working through to jaws on occasion. Jenny working Neriah upstairs and down - gentle rotation counterclockwise a natural consequence of the slugging. Bell: McCarthy's stabilized her front, effectively outpunching Fisher in a withering third.
Kate’s smirk evident in her tone, "You know, watching Jenny come at Neriah like that, it brings back memories of our own tussles. Jenny's always had this bluster about her, but let me be clear – I've tasted those punches, and while she may seem like she's got power behind them, it's more like a persistent tap rather than a forceful knock."
Her eyes twinkle mischievously, "I mean, if Neriah's still standing and firing back after that barrage, it just confirms my point. Jenny's got persistence, I'll give her that. But real power? Evidently not as much as she thinks. And McCarthy might have outpunched Fisher in this round, but she’s yet to show the kind of knockout power she often brags about. At least from my experience with her."
Kate: "Jenny's trying, bless her hag-like heart, with those wide, wild punches. But every time she lands one, Neriah tagged her two or three times in return. I've faced Jenny and let me tell you, she's got nothing that Neriah can't handle. She might swing hard, but she's got a predictability that Fisher is reading like an open book. It's almost poetic to see how this round turned out."
R4: Neriah jabbin' and steppin' - circling round Jenny's right flank; brunette's right leg kicking up plenty of sand as she pivots. Pumping poke bad news for Mccarthy's left eye; Fisher pounding it out of commission with heartless attention to detail. (Kate chuckles softly, her voice dripping with satisfaction, "Well, now there's the boxing clinic I expected from Neriah. Look at her go! It's like a masterclass on how to control an opponent with a jab. She's practically painting a target on Jenny's left eye and hitting the bullseye each time.) Jenny banging back: curving, tight-circumference roundhouses belting across Neriah's torso-front and jugs: brunette hopping in and out, minimizing Mac's opportunities. Good boxing round for Fisher: she punishes Jenny, pockets points.
R5: Neriah sticks jab to Jenny's face; sidesteps left. Left uppercut Mccarthy, Fisher turns into it: sidestep left. Fisher feints, drops in the lead right hand off her shoulder; little tap jab while sidestepping right. Jenny facing into shots - turning, turning, trying to find the sweet spot to end Neriah’s day. Fisher finding angles, extending on her shots, starting to pin-point Mac. Neriah jabs, ducks, slow-rolls her torso right to left...comes up with a fake hook and BRINGS THE RIGHT HAND! Straight blast off the shoulder POUNDS back Jenny's head gives her a look at the sky. Fisher one-two against Mccarthy’s raised guard; HOOK to paunch; popping hips-right to get it in there thick. Jenny cramping forward, Neriah arches her back, picking up Playmate’s healthy jugs the left uppercut. Fisher shoulders Mac into ropes: blonde bouncing gently off, loading up her right and TAKING THE RIGHT HAND TO CHIN! Gorgeous, short-chop shot twists Jenny's head, legs give out - she implodes straight down, bouncing off her knees to sprawl onto her left side, rolling onto her belly. That's it KO5 in hatchet-chop fashion for Neriah Fisher!
Post fight: Neriah Fisher hands in air and exultant “YES!” as she puts a foot on the stomach of sprawled out blonde who had talked sooooooooooooooo much smack! Fans on their feet (who doesn’t like to see a bully bullied?). And here comes a beaming Brooke Burke … through the ropes to congratulate her triumphant daughter … and carrying two margaritas to celebrate (?)
i.imgur.com/5momNtSl.jpg
but … hold the phone … Brooke under one arm … Neriah under the other … and they raise a groggy out of it Jenny mac to her feet … and fans start to applaud … they are going to get it … WALK OF SHAME!
Mother and daughter each place an arm around Playmate’s waist and take the incoherent blonde for a stumbling Walk of Shame as the crowd applauds. Brooke and Neriah sipping margaritas, jokingly offering some to Jenny add then tittering, “Seems she can’t hold her liquor?” Center ring and Neriah supports blonde as Brooke squeezes her cheeks and lectures her, “McCarthy - don’t you EVER make the mistake of thinking you can compete with the Burke women again! I kicked your ass almost twenty years ago and now my little girl just kicked your ass! As a matter of fact, I may JUST have to make a comeback and make you pay for getting jobbed on that decision in 2007! Won’t be any decision this time, Blondie, cuz I will KNOCK YOU OUT!”
With that, Neriah lets Jenny collapse in a puddle, mother and daughter clink glasses in a toast and leave the ring, leaving Gena Lee Nolin to come in and clean up what's left of the “Greatest Fighting Playmate of All Time”!
Kate grins, not even trying to conceal her glee at the result! "Oh, now that's how it's done! I mean, did you all see that? Neriah just put on a masterclass. Jenny was just running in circles, like a mouse in a maze, while Fisher kept finding the right angles, again and again."
She continues, leaning in, her voice a smug purr at the sight of Jenny flat on her back, "That fake hook into the right? Textbook. Jenny fell for it - hook, line, and sinker. Defense? What defense? McMuffin's got more holes in her defense than Swiss cheese. And that knockdown? Just icing on the cake. Trust me, it's a view I've given Jenny a couple of times before. It's great to see someone else do it, especially in such a brutal, definitive fashion."
Then, a fellow commentor addresses the elephant in the room, "Kate! How about a shot for Jenny at the Cougar title? Think she stands a chance?"
Kate smirks, leaning towards the microphone, "Well, considering she's just been leveled by Fisher, I think Jenny has a bit of picking herself up to do before she even thinks about challenging me. But hey, if she wants a shot at the Cougar title? I'd be more than happy to give her another taste of what real power feels like. Just a friendly reminder, though: she better be prepared for a deja vu. Who knows? I might just invite Brooke to color comment for that!"
Jenny Mccarthy
Results by Lookout!, Writing by OddManOut, sceej, caspian
BEFORE: Pre fight press conference - Jenny Mac braying, dominating, barely letting Fisher or her team a word - “Look, this kid’s a nobody - 8 wins? Really? Really?!! And she’s from a loser bloodline too! Mother had less than 20 fights AND a losing record! I beat the mother and now I’ll beat her - I DEFY the calendar! And don’t you eyeball me, Burke, or I will come over there and put a beat down on you as a warm-up! They put this little punk in with Palicki and she lasted six rounds cuz Addie is soft-hearted. Against me? Three rounds tops! Bet on it!”
Murmurs in the press as some of the grayheads remember November 2007 beach bout between Brooke Burke and Jenny Mac. It was supposed to be a tune-up for Jenny and it turned into a war with Jenny tasting sand TWICE before eaking out a decision (and a lot of the ringside press had Burke winning that fight).
Brooke Burke FINALLY gets access to a microphone, “Same old … and I do mean OLD … loudmouth McCarthy. Remember the 2007 fight? Huh? Huh? Dropped your flabby ass in the sand twice. Of course I was robbed because they were trying to prop you up for a title fight - except you pissed the bed against McAdams, right, loudmouth? Well, my little girl is not gonna let this go to the cards - she’s gonna knock this skank out - bet on THAT!”
McCarthy lunging at Brooke Burke, Fisher out of her seat trying to get at J-Mac, press conference degenerates into a near riot - standard procedure at a McCarthy presser!
Murmurs out of the Sceej camp - Gena Lee Nolin is training McCarthy! Scrubby McGee has been adamant he does not want Jenny fighting anything but cougar bouts (Mac now fifty-plus years of age!) and won’t have anything to do with this. No one knows Jenny better than McGee and that wise head may be missed in the corner.
Fight time: Kate Beckinsale first down the ramp, sporting a pink bandeau bikini and sunglasses, giving the crowd a wave as she takes her place at the announcer’s table.
1661961_1.jpg (590×350) (express.co.uk)
Securing the headset, Kate begins her commentary with a pointed remark. "Ladies and gentlemen, if history is anything to go by, Jenny's chances tonight seem rather... slim, to put it mildly," she says, her voice dripping with subtle sarcasm. "I mean, let's not forget Neriah's mother, the formidable Brooke Burke, has already managed to put Jenny flat on the sand twice, while McMuffin only scored a lucky knockdown on Brooke once on the sand back in 2007. How else do you expect her to fare against her daughter, who's faster, hungrier, and stronger?"
Kate smirks to her fellow commentators at the booth by ringside, drawing occasional glares from McCarthy herself, who looks hella disturbed by her presence. Suffice it to say, thank god the blonde won't hear the Brit's remarks till the fight is over.
Ringpost in sand setup. Neriah enters first in a gold triangle bikini, black gloves, hair loose and wind-blown wild. Jenny enters in a black bikini, matching gloves, hair loose down her back. Both fighters barefoot in the sand.
R1: Walking barrage, Jenny: strong right hand lead; right foot steps forward; strong left hand - punches pounding off Neriah's prepared defences. Fisher hits ropes, dukes high: Mccarthy bangs the body right/left - hooks jug tidy - pushes the left forearm against brunette to stabilize. Hard overhand right clubs Neriah's ear: she spins off ropes, backpedalling hard. Jenny in pursuit: she hops in the hard right hand up top, then hooks-to-jug: Fisher chased onto far ropes as McCarthy piles in. BANGING rights and lefts bounce off tight abs, Jenny's head lowered, arms a-pumpin'. That's the gist of the first two minutes: stiff-punchin' Mccarthy hammering Fisher pillar to post, going body as brunette keeps a rigid high guard in place. Down the stretch, Jenny pounding Neriah's tanned body: Fisher starts chippin' the little uppercuts. Right uppie, left uppie; Neriah clipping Jenny, picking her face up, then HOOKING THE TASTE OUT OF HER MOUTH! McCarthy wobbling back on rubbery legs - she's thunderstruck. Fisher over to offence - weaving low while flowing forward, carrying the straight right hand into Mccarthy's belly, then straightening up, hooking with palm-down delivery. Jenny grudgingly pushed backward: Neriah deep-weaving to get the right hand, straightening up to get the hook, digging payback rights and lefts to Mac's firm torso - gloves bouncing off toned muscle at bell. Both fighters wobbly butt, but sassy: Neriah patting abs at Jenny, daring her to try it again.
Beckinsale doesn't hold back her thoughts. "Well, it's quite clear that Jenny's trying to dominate from the start, isn't she? All that power, stepping in and pounding away... but let's not forget, brute strength isn't everything. Neriah’s solid defenses proved just that. You can see McCarthy’s frustration build every time her punches meet Fisher’s dukes or bounce harmlessly off her tight abs. And Jenny may have had the early upper hand, but look at how Neriah turned things around! Those sharp uppercuts, those delicious hooks... that's skill right there. I mean, by the end of the round, who had Jenny wobbling? Fisher's showing the kind of mettle her mother displayed back on the beach. Jenny, for all her aggression, might have bitten off more than she can chew with this one!"
Kate's eyes glisten with mischief. "And that dare at the end by Neriah, patting her abs like that? Classic. I'd love to see Jenny try again, only to meet more of those tasty hooks. McCarthy better recalibrate, or this fight could turn into a rerun of past humiliations."
R2: Neriah attacks: sweet brunette science at work. Stiff jolting jabs - Fisher's right heel up off the sand for extra thrust. That low-sweeping torso weave from last round is back, Fisher's head at Mac's navel-level when she crams the right hand to tummy...then she's hopping in tall, hooking Jenny's jaw palm-down. Neriah's legs taut and springy - moving her in and out as she changes up distance, keeping Mccarthy on the defensive. Jenny driven backward, but answering in spots: furious back and forth exchanges see both women clapping away brisk side-to-side swattings, elbows in tight to shorten up stroke. Overall it's Neriah: she's dictating terms all through the round.
R3: Jenny woman's up: she's scuffed - nice little mouse forming under left eye, but she's at Neriah with the same walking barrage of sturdy, banging rights and lefts. Fisher stepping back in her stance - weaving torso-right, then torso-left, then RIPPING the hook to Jenny's jugs: McCarthy grimacing but holding firm, hooking brunette's tits in reprisal, then trying for chin righty. Blistering toe-to-toe - both women setting and uncoiling on hard, single-shot licks: bashing blows skidding off scalps, slamming into chests and flanks, working through to jaws on occasion. Jenny working Neriah upstairs and down - gentle rotation counterclockwise a natural consequence of the slugging. Bell: McCarthy's stabilized her front, effectively outpunching Fisher in a withering third.
Kate’s smirk evident in her tone, "You know, watching Jenny come at Neriah like that, it brings back memories of our own tussles. Jenny's always had this bluster about her, but let me be clear – I've tasted those punches, and while she may seem like she's got power behind them, it's more like a persistent tap rather than a forceful knock."
Her eyes twinkle mischievously, "I mean, if Neriah's still standing and firing back after that barrage, it just confirms my point. Jenny's got persistence, I'll give her that. But real power? Evidently not as much as she thinks. And McCarthy might have outpunched Fisher in this round, but she’s yet to show the kind of knockout power she often brags about. At least from my experience with her."
Kate: "Jenny's trying, bless her hag-like heart, with those wide, wild punches. But every time she lands one, Neriah tagged her two or three times in return. I've faced Jenny and let me tell you, she's got nothing that Neriah can't handle. She might swing hard, but she's got a predictability that Fisher is reading like an open book. It's almost poetic to see how this round turned out."
R4: Neriah jabbin' and steppin' - circling round Jenny's right flank; brunette's right leg kicking up plenty of sand as she pivots. Pumping poke bad news for Mccarthy's left eye; Fisher pounding it out of commission with heartless attention to detail. (Kate chuckles softly, her voice dripping with satisfaction, "Well, now there's the boxing clinic I expected from Neriah. Look at her go! It's like a masterclass on how to control an opponent with a jab. She's practically painting a target on Jenny's left eye and hitting the bullseye each time.) Jenny banging back: curving, tight-circumference roundhouses belting across Neriah's torso-front and jugs: brunette hopping in and out, minimizing Mac's opportunities. Good boxing round for Fisher: she punishes Jenny, pockets points.
R5: Neriah sticks jab to Jenny's face; sidesteps left. Left uppercut Mccarthy, Fisher turns into it: sidestep left. Fisher feints, drops in the lead right hand off her shoulder; little tap jab while sidestepping right. Jenny facing into shots - turning, turning, trying to find the sweet spot to end Neriah’s day. Fisher finding angles, extending on her shots, starting to pin-point Mac. Neriah jabs, ducks, slow-rolls her torso right to left...comes up with a fake hook and BRINGS THE RIGHT HAND! Straight blast off the shoulder POUNDS back Jenny's head gives her a look at the sky. Fisher one-two against Mccarthy’s raised guard; HOOK to paunch; popping hips-right to get it in there thick. Jenny cramping forward, Neriah arches her back, picking up Playmate’s healthy jugs the left uppercut. Fisher shoulders Mac into ropes: blonde bouncing gently off, loading up her right and TAKING THE RIGHT HAND TO CHIN! Gorgeous, short-chop shot twists Jenny's head, legs give out - she implodes straight down, bouncing off her knees to sprawl onto her left side, rolling onto her belly. That's it KO5 in hatchet-chop fashion for Neriah Fisher!
Post fight: Neriah Fisher hands in air and exultant “YES!” as she puts a foot on the stomach of sprawled out blonde who had talked sooooooooooooooo much smack! Fans on their feet (who doesn’t like to see a bully bullied?). And here comes a beaming Brooke Burke … through the ropes to congratulate her triumphant daughter … and carrying two margaritas to celebrate (?)
i.imgur.com/5momNtSl.jpg
but … hold the phone … Brooke under one arm … Neriah under the other … and they raise a groggy out of it Jenny mac to her feet … and fans start to applaud … they are going to get it … WALK OF SHAME!
Mother and daughter each place an arm around Playmate’s waist and take the incoherent blonde for a stumbling Walk of Shame as the crowd applauds. Brooke and Neriah sipping margaritas, jokingly offering some to Jenny add then tittering, “Seems she can’t hold her liquor?” Center ring and Neriah supports blonde as Brooke squeezes her cheeks and lectures her, “McCarthy - don’t you EVER make the mistake of thinking you can compete with the Burke women again! I kicked your ass almost twenty years ago and now my little girl just kicked your ass! As a matter of fact, I may JUST have to make a comeback and make you pay for getting jobbed on that decision in 2007! Won’t be any decision this time, Blondie, cuz I will KNOCK YOU OUT!”
With that, Neriah lets Jenny collapse in a puddle, mother and daughter clink glasses in a toast and leave the ring, leaving Gena Lee Nolin to come in and clean up what's left of the “Greatest Fighting Playmate of All Time”!
Kate grins, not even trying to conceal her glee at the result! "Oh, now that's how it's done! I mean, did you all see that? Neriah just put on a masterclass. Jenny was just running in circles, like a mouse in a maze, while Fisher kept finding the right angles, again and again."
She continues, leaning in, her voice a smug purr at the sight of Jenny flat on her back, "That fake hook into the right? Textbook. Jenny fell for it - hook, line, and sinker. Defense? What defense? McMuffin's got more holes in her defense than Swiss cheese. And that knockdown? Just icing on the cake. Trust me, it's a view I've given Jenny a couple of times before. It's great to see someone else do it, especially in such a brutal, definitive fashion."
Then, a fellow commentor addresses the elephant in the room, "Kate! How about a shot for Jenny at the Cougar title? Think she stands a chance?"
Kate smirks, leaning towards the microphone, "Well, considering she's just been leveled by Fisher, I think Jenny has a bit of picking herself up to do before she even thinks about challenging me. But hey, if she wants a shot at the Cougar title? I'd be more than happy to give her another taste of what real power feels like. Just a friendly reminder, though: she better be prepared for a deja vu. Who knows? I might just invite Brooke to color comment for that!"
