CBAD: Avril Lavigne vs. Jennette McCurdy

Avril Lavigne
(36, 5’1 ½, 113 lbs, 48:20 FCBA, The Dollhouse)
Vs.
Jennette McCurdy
(29, 5’2, 107 lbs, 19:13 FCBA, Free Agent)

Results: Lookout!; Story: Caspian & The Dollhouse

BEFORE:
A buzz surrounding the pre-fight press conference room as Avril Lavigne and Jennette McCurdy enter the hall from opposite ends, and one would expect the two former stablemates to at least share a smile at the sight of the other, especially since they once shared the same stable office for the good part of a year.

But no, the reception from either girl is decidedly frosty as they take their seats at opposite ends of the table, before Jennette kicks things off when the first question of the night is addressed towards her:

"Well, I've been wanting to fight Avril since like, 2017, when she got back in the ring. But as you probably know...fighting Avril is a big no-no at Front Street. So I couldn't. But these days, I'm no longer with them and thankfully no longer barred from roughing up the ‘punk princess’,” McCurdy emphasises that last portion in big air-quotes, with a chuckle to boot. “So that is exactly what I plan on doing tonight. This is going to be my first FCBA fight in a year..and I want to make a big splash. So, thanks Avril for accepting my challenge, but now Imma whoop your ass."

It looks like Avril’s back to rolling her eyes at all her prospective challengers, giving McCurdy a giant one before responding in kind:

"Whateverrrr. I bet the only reason Wiz didn't want you fighting me is because he wanted to protect you, b*tch. You haven't beaten any big names in years...the only reason I accepted your challenge is because It's a good warm-up for my fight at the end of the month. You're not a real threat Jennette, it even rhymes!” Avril says with a giggle.

Ladies square off at the podium and on paper, there are lots of things Ms Lavigne has to be worried about in this match-up, the former Front Street star is coming in at least a decade younger, looks to be in great shape and is hungry, looking for her first FCBA win of the year. But Avril has demolished worse odds plenty of times before, and the bratty pop star surely believes herself capable of doing so again tonight. Ladies separate before McCurdy decides to get physical, looking as though she’s about to lunge at the pop princess after Avril threatens to hit her momma with another insult.

Fight night and girls will get to hit each other for real soon enough. First down the ramp is McCurdy herself, dressed in a white wife-beater singlet and black boxing trunks. She raises a pair of rough-looking white gloves high, waving at her fans who showed up in droves tonight to see her get the big win over the Doll. Jennette is looking focused and confident as she makes a no-bullshit beeline to the ring, where she begins stretching in her corner in wait for her opponent. Moments later, Avril’s pop rock hits the airwaves and in strides the self-proclaimed Punk-Princess, Avril walking down the ramp clad in her usual black and pink sports bra and short tights, her hair in a messy ponytail as she chews bubble gum and waves both black-gloved hands excitedly to the crowd, grinning from ear to ear as she hops gleefully along the way to the ring followed closely behind by coach Loken and the Dollhouse team.

Referee calls this exhibition match to order, spouting the rules to both ladies before ordering them back to their respective corners. Will Avril continue her streak to win her 5th in a row or will Jennette prove she can still take out top competitors even as a free agent? Let’s find out with ten rounds of Flyweight action!

ROUND 1:
Avril doesn’t look like she’s taking Jennette as a legitimate threat, storming in hard and fast and immediately starts bashing her to the arms with multiple combos. Jenette wanted a fight, and she gets her wish here, taking multiple shots to her guard, a couple of blows sent off the tummy to send her on the retreat early on. Avril’s hungry, smirking, half-laughing at her own superiority and her opponent’s perceived weakness, pushes in some more without any regard to her own safety. Just then, McCurdy decides to HOLD her ground and swing back! POWER shot sails through the air and right into Avril’s arms, and the Doll barely has enough time to intercept it with a raised arm before another shot lands hard on the body! HERE JENETTE COMES, storming in with her brand of own confidence as she pays the Doll back for all her trouble, hounding away at Lavigne one point with right hand after right hand after right hand, each time bashing Avril to the arms and the middle of her guard like a battering ram ready to storm the gates! Avril squealing, making a run for cover all of a sudden, trying to cover up and head for the hills but finds herself stuck in the hole she dug herself, and it only takes the rapidly tolling bell to save her from total annihilation in the very first round! McCurdy sure as hell didn’t have the best start to this fight but she ended it well in control, raising a cocky hand high to the crowds as she eyeballs Lavigne on her way back to the corner!

ROUND 2:
Avril’s moving with an overabundance of caution after almost getting blown off her feet in that first round. Girls in general are acting more than a little sus of each other, Jenette perhaps been around the Front Street office long enough to know a thing or two about what goes on behind closed doors. Avril growling, gnashing her teeth as she launches short but pithy attacks, her jabs barely landing on McCurdy’s arms to trouble her much in the first minute. But it’s not till McCurdy starts storming in to try and gain the advantage that she realises how much Avril has changed since her days at Front Street - that wild, blatant fighter long gone and now replaced by a focused Doll who’s evading her combos and swings, then biting back with precise jab combos to her face to punish her back. End of the round and it looks like both women have a lot of catching up to do, but for now, Lavigne makes away with the close round.

ROUND 3:
Another relatively quiet third as girls make multiple forced starts towards each other, hoping to scare the other into making a mistake. Avril’s been around the block long enough to not get taken for a fool, however, scores a one-two to Jenette’s face once the little blonde decided to rush at her out of the blue with a dipped charge forward. McCurdy lets out a grunt as the punches sting her on the eye and nose, forcing her to reset at a comfortable distance again. Later, McCurdy comes right back with a surprise attack of her own, a left feint to Avril’s vulnerable midsection has the Doll scared shitless and covering up, moving right into the path of a follow-up blast to the side of the head, with McCurdy’s hook ready and waiting for Avril to screw things up at the last moment. At the sound of the bell, however, we’d say both ladies have gotten a taste of some punishment, though McCurdy’s landed just enough for her scrape by by a close margin.

ROUND 4:
Avril isn’t doing too well by her own standards, especially when she threatened to put Jenette away in time for tea. Jenette’s proving to be one tough customer indeed as she constantly keeps out of range of her jabs, and only flies into action once she senses an opening ripe for the taking. Lavigne tries to bait her inwards in such a manner, pretending to retreat after a failed hook sails hopelessly into the air and missing her mark entirely. Here comes Jenette, right on cue, arms up and looking to ram herself into that big hole left by Lavigne. Not so fast! Avril suddenly skids to a halt, comes back with a tight hook across the blonde’s face, which rattles her badly! Jenette hurt, but not too hurt, shaking off the pain just in time for more combos to come landin’ in quick succession, and it’s Avril’s turn to give chase now that she’s got her former stablemate on the run! A good round for the Doll overall as she hits McCurdy several times afterwards with shots to the body and several more squeezed into the chin.

ROUND 5:
McCurdy’s still going strong, however, looking ready to repay Avril in kind after the short rest, but the younger blonde is finding it difficult to get in the pocket with the Doll and inflict any serious damage in the first minute. All part of Lavigne’s plan as she gives the blonde ample warning not to test her up close this early, jab flurries sent towards her head each time McCurdy tries to square her shoulders and wade inwards to brawl. Fifth round sees a similar occurrence, but in the opposite manner: Avril’s the one showing more aggression, like her old self from round one, gaining confidence after seeing success in the last round as she scores another right hand DING! off the top of Jenette’s head to daze her. Oh Oh! McCurdy looking vulnerable and the Doll sees it! Lavigne slams another stiff shot to the blonde’s nostrils, which throws McCurdy’s head back with a loud grunt. And suddenly, Jenette ain’t looking too hot, mouth hanging open and her eyelids narrowing in pain. HERE COMES AVRIL with another jump-in smack to the jawline, and DOWN MCCURDY GOES, getting blown off her feet upon the shock of impact as she goes flying off to the side and into the canvas, face-first! It’s one HECK of a KNOCKDOWN from Avril Lavigne!

McCurdy having underestimated her foe’s power as Avril took a BIG chance back there, which paid off! Lavigne’s seen smirking to herself as she makes her way to the neutral corner, nodding in satisfaction towards Carmen Electra as she takes big gulps of much needed air, but the smile quickly disappears from her face as she watches Jenette slowly and steadily climbing back up to her feet. The younger blonde ain’t looking too hurt, but there’s a tiredness in her step as her chest heaves with exertion. “I’m okay,” she mouths to the referee, before indicating she’s ready to continue. There’s a good minute and a half left on the clock, to which the ref waves to resume!

Avril immediately stalks inwards again, but if McCurdy was feeling like her old stablemate would make more unforced errors here in the home stretch, she’s sorely mistaken, with her own punches get expertly blocked by Lavigne’s still firm guard, whereas Avril’s jabs are hitting their mark each time she shoots one of those hands out to land on Jenette’s face. Slowly but surely, Jenette’s pushed back into the ropes once more, a third such strike to the nostrils throwing her head back over the top rope and effectively cutting the strings to the rest of her body! Poor McCurdy can only stand still and take the follow-up abuse all over her frame as Avril GOES IN HARD! The Punk-Princess using the former Front Street star as a punching bag for a good ten seconds of unadulterated punishment, with a final bash to the head sending McCurdy almost spilling over the top rope, her torso and arms draped limply on the rope! FINALLY the referee decides to STEP IN to save Jennette from further damage! IT’S ALL OVER!

Official Decision: Avril Lavigne defeats Jennette McCurdy via TKO5!

AFTER:
Avril elated, raising both arms, a huge grin on her face as she hollers out at her cheering fans. “Yeaaahh bitchesss!!!”. The victorious blonde takes a victory lap around the ring, giggling as she passes next to her still recovering opponent, who’s being treated on her stool. “You SUCK, McCurdy!” Lavigne taunts laughing, clearly satisfied with her convincing win tonight.

Later on, as the Punk-Princess climbs out of the ring, she’s hounded by reporters inquiring about her upcoming fight at the end of the month, and her plans for the rest of the year.

“Ya, I’m gonna smoke that overrated kid Bassinger and then….” The blonde pauses dramatically. “Then I’m going to challenge Nessa Hudgens to an official fight at the Doll Ball. And THEN I’m going to freaking KICK HER SLUTTY ASS all over that ring.” Lavigne shouts into the microphone, riling up her fans as she raises her arms smiling. “It’s time for her to pay for everything she did to me and for being a total selfish b*tch. I’m going to rock her f*cking world!”

The noise in the arena is deafening as the victorious Lavigne makes her final statement before strutting out of the arena, high fiving her fans along the way before she and her team disappear behind the curtains, leaving her fans DYING for more.