Post by Lookout! Boxing on Nov 28, 2020 3:34:26 GMT -6
Elizabeth Gillies versus Jenny McCarthy
(Words: Sceej / Results: Lookout!)
Tense press conference for this on-again off-again fight as Elizabeth wields the needle on J-Mac’s notoriously thin skin with scalpel-like precision! “I am having trouble understanding why management booked this thing? I mean, the idea is to get me a push but that’s not gonna happen by fighting has-beens, right? This chick was in Playboy in 1993 - know what I was doing in 1993? Being born!!! They’re telling me, well, she’s a former bantamweight champion so freakin’ what? So is Raquel Welch - am I gonna fight her next? I mean …”
Presser cut short by J-Mac leaping out of her seat … struggling in hands of thankfully alert security. “... lemme go … gonna freakin’ kill her! You’re mine, punk! You hear me? Mine!” All the while serenely smirking redhead just pouring gasoline on raging blonde inferno.
Jenny further infuriated when Boxing World article refers to “Beth the Brat AKA McCarthy 2.0” - rankled by comparison, though to be fair, Mac has been known to blow up a presser or two with her mouth in her time!
Fight Night: Elizabeth, accompanied to ring by trainer Gail Kim and stablemate Victoria Justice, to strains of her own performance of “Give It Up” - many ringsiders taking the choice of walk-out song as one more needle at McCarthy and twenty year age difference. Auburn haired beauty sporting a red sports bra with black trim, matching hip-huggers and red gloves and boots. Soft jazz base draws a roar from McCarthy loyalists in the crowd, followed by a louder roar when Bobby Darin croons, “Oh the shark, babe …”, Steely eyed Jenny McCarthy to ring, accompanied by Scrubby McGee (with Jack Daniels and Jim Beam on hand) and Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin. Jenny Mac in kelly green bikini, matching gloves and boots, white Playboy bunny head on one bikini cup, white shamrock on the other. Whistles from crowd - even at 48 years of age, Jenny is not conceding the disrobe battle to anyone! Referee instructions feature a smirk from Elizabeth and a stare from Jenny that would melt lead.
Round 1: Elizabeth out of corner, bouncy and leggy; J-Mac upright behind raised dukes. Younger woman roaming the perimeter - spitting the jab - beckoning aging blonde to chase. Jenny plodding a little … mostly defensive stance. Redhead stops clockwise rotation on a dime … fires a right hand lead that bounces off blonde gloves … and Mac responds with left hook to the body that smacks flesh loudly. Gillies flashes the hand speed as she fires jab - straight right - left hook combination that has Jenny’s head on a swivel. Jenny late with receipt and younger woman dances back … pattern repeated .. do damage … and then get out. McCarthy frustrated … starting to throw wild haymakers … swings and misses can tire a fighter quickly! Walk in the park first round to Gillies.
Round 2: Nolin in McCarthy’s ear in corner “Slow this b*tch down - old school, Mac, old schhol!”. Elizabeth out of corner again motor running and now the mouth is running too. Peppering blonde with the jab and taunting “C’mon, ol’ girl … show me somethin’ … show me somethin’ …”. Plants back foot and cracks J-Mac a straight right off forehead and the blonde looks to clinch. Messy clinch, Gillies in McCarthy ear, “You gonna fight or dance, ol’ girl?”. Jenny goes back to her roots - positions back to referee and hammers short right to the redhead’s crotch that has younger woman all eyes bulging and gasping. Crowd boos. Gail Kim screaming on apron “Low blow” but Jenny knows old skool - if ref didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. Pushes Kears fighter back hard into ropes with both hands, grim smile as she sets head on chest and goes to work. Snatching left hook pounding flank, wrapping around to punish liver, drawing moan out of younger woman. Half step back for punching room and straight right hand knocks head back like a Pez-dispenser! Kear’s corner screaming for clinch and Lizzie latches on for dear life. At bell - Jenny with big grin all up in Liz’s business - “How you like me now, beeeyotch?”
Round 3: Gillies out of corner again on toes … a lot of the sass knocked out of her. She is cautious now. Using range finder jab to pepper McCarthy at distance and when J-Mac closes, redhead clinches and hugs tight … looking to ref for quick breaks. McCarthy bullying has spooked Gillies and fans starting to boo the excessive clinching as she steals a dull third round.
Round 4: McCarthy out of her corner a buzz saw and taking poor Liz to school! Liz has a reputation for in-ring cruelty of her own but not J-Mac’s twenty+ years of experience and she is getting a crash course. In clinches, McCarthy with shoulder bump to jaw, laces across eyes. Gillies stumbling back … wondering how it can all be going this wrong against this old goat? Redhead re-sets .. jabbing with now confidently grinning blonde … using ranginess and speed to guide and turn older woman almost at will … feigns jab and rings her up with a big right to the jaw and there is a shimmy in Jenny Mac’s knees. Older woman clinches and Kears fighter wrestles violently to free fists and press advantage. As they tangle up, sly blonde take opportunity to try to tuck a sneaky right into Gillies crotch. Liz pulls back - eyes wide with shock and hurt … and the ref is in! Waving finger in McCarthy’s face (and drawing a bored eye-roll from Mac). Ref sends Liz to her corner, bring J-Mac by wrist to center ring, and emphatically advises judges that he is deducting a point! 10-9 round for Liz just became a 10-8 round and a nice lead on the cards … but at what cost?!!
Round 5: A still pale Elizabeth Gillies out creaky for the fifth - deducting points don’t do much for an aching crotch! Mac the Knife smells blood in the water! Big grin, left dangling low, right cocked … shoots left from hip and spooked Liz pulls back … Jenny in rapid pursuit and lands big right hand lead to forehead … twists body into right uppercut and DOWN GOES GILLIES! Bleary eyed redhead knocked on her butt - Jenny looming and telling her all about it until ref in to force Mac to neutral corner. A shop worn Gillies is up at “eight” ref takes a hard look and lets it go. Mac forward … grinning .. feigns right lead draws a cringe, then buries left hook to liver, brings left hook up to jaw, and crashes straight right to the chin. Liz falls straight back … arms out to sides … count is a formality … winner by knockout in the 5th round … Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy!
Post fight: Jenny to corner to get the gloves cut off. Kear’s corner lifts fighter bodily and bundles Gillies on to stool , trying to bring her around. McCarthy brings her own corner stool to center ring and comes looking for tribute!!! Gail Kim and Victoria Justice squawk in protest but grudgingly acknowledge it IS part of the tradition of the FCBA … of course, does not hurt that Jenny is accompanied by Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin!
Jenny: “Let’s go, Brat, you’ve EARNED this!” as she leads a stumbling dazed Elizabthe Gillies to center ring , seats herself on stool and puts redhead across her knees. Pulling down hip huggers, Jenny lectures “Your Momma SHOULD have done this ten years ago!” and proceeds to spank the now wildly kicking protesting loser!
Director (loudly): “Mother of God, she’s BARE ASSED!!! Dump it.. dump it … DUMP IT!!!”
“We now proudly present “Swan Lake II: Electric Boogaloo … starring Tony Danza … Judy Landers … Jon Lovitz and … and … and Morgan Fairchild, yeah - thats the ticket!”
Presser cut short by J-Mac leaping out of her seat … struggling in hands of thankfully alert security. “... lemme go … gonna freakin’ kill her! You’re mine, punk! You hear me? Mine!” All the while serenely smirking redhead just pouring gasoline on raging blonde inferno.
Jenny further infuriated when Boxing World article refers to “Beth the Brat AKA McCarthy 2.0” - rankled by comparison, though to be fair, Mac has been known to blow up a presser or two with her mouth in her time!
Fight Night: Elizabeth, accompanied to ring by trainer Gail Kim and stablemate Victoria Justice, to strains of her own performance of “Give It Up” - many ringsiders taking the choice of walk-out song as one more needle at McCarthy and twenty year age difference. Auburn haired beauty sporting a red sports bra with black trim, matching hip-huggers and red gloves and boots. Soft jazz base draws a roar from McCarthy loyalists in the crowd, followed by a louder roar when Bobby Darin croons, “Oh the shark, babe …”, Steely eyed Jenny McCarthy to ring, accompanied by Scrubby McGee (with Jack Daniels and Jim Beam on hand) and Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin. Jenny Mac in kelly green bikini, matching gloves and boots, white Playboy bunny head on one bikini cup, white shamrock on the other. Whistles from crowd - even at 48 years of age, Jenny is not conceding the disrobe battle to anyone! Referee instructions feature a smirk from Elizabeth and a stare from Jenny that would melt lead.
Round 1: Elizabeth out of corner, bouncy and leggy; J-Mac upright behind raised dukes. Younger woman roaming the perimeter - spitting the jab - beckoning aging blonde to chase. Jenny plodding a little … mostly defensive stance. Redhead stops clockwise rotation on a dime … fires a right hand lead that bounces off blonde gloves … and Mac responds with left hook to the body that smacks flesh loudly. Gillies flashes the hand speed as she fires jab - straight right - left hook combination that has Jenny’s head on a swivel. Jenny late with receipt and younger woman dances back … pattern repeated .. do damage … and then get out. McCarthy frustrated … starting to throw wild haymakers … swings and misses can tire a fighter quickly! Walk in the park first round to Gillies.
Round 2: Nolin in McCarthy’s ear in corner “Slow this b*tch down - old school, Mac, old schhol!”. Elizabeth out of corner again motor running and now the mouth is running too. Peppering blonde with the jab and taunting “C’mon, ol’ girl … show me somethin’ … show me somethin’ …”. Plants back foot and cracks J-Mac a straight right off forehead and the blonde looks to clinch. Messy clinch, Gillies in McCarthy ear, “You gonna fight or dance, ol’ girl?”. Jenny goes back to her roots - positions back to referee and hammers short right to the redhead’s crotch that has younger woman all eyes bulging and gasping. Crowd boos. Gail Kim screaming on apron “Low blow” but Jenny knows old skool - if ref didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. Pushes Kears fighter back hard into ropes with both hands, grim smile as she sets head on chest and goes to work. Snatching left hook pounding flank, wrapping around to punish liver, drawing moan out of younger woman. Half step back for punching room and straight right hand knocks head back like a Pez-dispenser! Kear’s corner screaming for clinch and Lizzie latches on for dear life. At bell - Jenny with big grin all up in Liz’s business - “How you like me now, beeeyotch?”
Round 3: Gillies out of corner again on toes … a lot of the sass knocked out of her. She is cautious now. Using range finder jab to pepper McCarthy at distance and when J-Mac closes, redhead clinches and hugs tight … looking to ref for quick breaks. McCarthy bullying has spooked Gillies and fans starting to boo the excessive clinching as she steals a dull third round.
Round 4: McCarthy out of her corner a buzz saw and taking poor Liz to school! Liz has a reputation for in-ring cruelty of her own but not J-Mac’s twenty+ years of experience and she is getting a crash course. In clinches, McCarthy with shoulder bump to jaw, laces across eyes. Gillies stumbling back … wondering how it can all be going this wrong against this old goat? Redhead re-sets .. jabbing with now confidently grinning blonde … using ranginess and speed to guide and turn older woman almost at will … feigns jab and rings her up with a big right to the jaw and there is a shimmy in Jenny Mac’s knees. Older woman clinches and Kears fighter wrestles violently to free fists and press advantage. As they tangle up, sly blonde take opportunity to try to tuck a sneaky right into Gillies crotch. Liz pulls back - eyes wide with shock and hurt … and the ref is in! Waving finger in McCarthy’s face (and drawing a bored eye-roll from Mac). Ref sends Liz to her corner, bring J-Mac by wrist to center ring, and emphatically advises judges that he is deducting a point! 10-9 round for Liz just became a 10-8 round and a nice lead on the cards … but at what cost?!!
Round 5: A still pale Elizabeth Gillies out creaky for the fifth - deducting points don’t do much for an aching crotch! Mac the Knife smells blood in the water! Big grin, left dangling low, right cocked … shoots left from hip and spooked Liz pulls back … Jenny in rapid pursuit and lands big right hand lead to forehead … twists body into right uppercut and DOWN GOES GILLIES! Bleary eyed redhead knocked on her butt - Jenny looming and telling her all about it until ref in to force Mac to neutral corner. A shop worn Gillies is up at “eight” ref takes a hard look and lets it go. Mac forward … grinning .. feigns right lead draws a cringe, then buries left hook to liver, brings left hook up to jaw, and crashes straight right to the chin. Liz falls straight back … arms out to sides … count is a formality … winner by knockout in the 5th round … Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy!
Post fight: Jenny to corner to get the gloves cut off. Kear’s corner lifts fighter bodily and bundles Gillies on to stool , trying to bring her around. McCarthy brings her own corner stool to center ring and comes looking for tribute!!! Gail Kim and Victoria Justice squawk in protest but grudgingly acknowledge it IS part of the tradition of the FCBA … of course, does not hurt that Jenny is accompanied by Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin!
Jenny: “Let’s go, Brat, you’ve EARNED this!” as she leads a stumbling dazed Elizabthe Gillies to center ring , seats herself on stool and puts redhead across her knees. Pulling down hip huggers, Jenny lectures “Your Momma SHOULD have done this ten years ago!” and proceeds to spank the now wildly kicking protesting loser!
Director (loudly): “Mother of God, she’s BARE ASSED!!! Dump it.. dump it … DUMP IT!!!”
“We now proudly present “Swan Lake II: Electric Boogaloo … starring Tony Danza … Judy Landers … Jon Lovitz and … and … and Morgan Fairchild, yeah - thats the ticket!”