Adrianne Palicki versus Taylor Swift

For Adrienne Palicki, maybe a cross roads fight? Recent victory over Blake Lively stopped a four fight losing streak but even former supporters such as Tess Valmore speculating on the record if Palicki’s days as a contender are in the rear view mirror. A lot on the line for the girl they USED to call “The Chin Checker”.

Stylistically, Swift and Palicki are similar – tall rangy lights with knockout power … and just a hint of a question about their chins. Wise guys speculating “One things for sure, the judges are getting a night off. No way this one goes ten rounds!”

Taylor Swift at press conference: “Yes, I respect Adrianne Palicki. She’s a former lightweight champion and that must be respected. And no, I don’t’ think she’s washed up, but … I’m not buying into all the “Chin Checker” hype. Can the girl punch? Absolutely! Thing is … I hit even harder!”

Palicki at press conference: “Yeah, it’s been a rough stretch but being back with the old school Sceej boxing stable, I feel invigorated. Scrubby McGee ... what can I say? The man smells like a distillery but you’re talking about a guy who worked the corner the night Adrienne Barbeau shocked the world and nearly upset Raquel Welch. He brings out the best in me and there’s a lot of that left in me. Taylor is a definite step up – she’s a top ten light and that’s what I want.”
Fight night! Amazin’ Adrianne Palicki to ring to old school strains of Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot!” accompanied by head trainer Scrubby McGee and first assistant Jenny McCarthy. Disrobe shows orange and white crocheted bikini on long tan body, black gloves and shoes. Taylor Swift to ring to sound of her own “Look What You Made Me Do” escorted by Cameron Diaz and Jaime Pressly, she disrobes to reveal a lemon yellow bikini, matching gloves and boots. During prefight instructions – fighters well behaved but Jenny Mac chirpy with Jamie Pressley.

Round 1: Lanky lightweights slowly to mid ring, both with right high against cheek – Taylor with left high as well and Adrianne dangling the left. Cautious circling … more cautious circling … then Palicki fires the left jab from the hip, parried by Swift. Blonde feints jab and throws left hook to brunette body and right to the head and suddenly after slow start, a fight breaks out! Both women letting hands go but not wild – for every landing punch two are parried or slipped – some slick defensive fighting by two women best known as hitters. Tay –Tay ups the output and forces a backward step out of Adrianne. Jamie Pressley from the corner, “Body! She don’t like it to the body!” and Taylor dutifully double hooks the Palicki right flank, drawing a grunt and another backward step. Swift bangs body again and looks for overhand right but Palicki twist lanky frame into a left uppercut that stops Taylor in her tracks and stands her upright! Swift staring takes a stumbling step back as bell rings. That one big shot is last thing judges see and Palicki steals the round 10-9!

Round 2: Between rounds, Cameron Diaz warning Swift “Don’t mess with her power …” drawing an annoyed response from Taylor, “Her power? Let her worry about MY power!”. Blonde out of her corner annoyed but focused jab jab jabbing at brunette, Ringsiders applauding as Taylor shows the hand speed. Palicki throws lead right back but late. Grand Wizard ringside with Neve Campbel, Cassie Scerbo and Beth Harnois, sets down PBR “Guess they knew what they were doing when they named her ‘Swift’, eh? You see that Cassie? That’s Cam Diaz’ training coming out … get in … do your damage … get out!”. Taylor working perimeter – no haymakers but steadily feeding Palicki leather and big Adrianne can’t get off. At bell, Taylor’s evened the score at two rounds each.

Round 3: Sceej corner, Scrubby McGee suggests in his gentle grandfatherly manner that Palicki “… MOVE YER GODDAM HANDS FER THE LUVVA GOD!!!” Brunette out of corner with cheeks flushed – focused. Swift looking to continue off success but Adrianne not having it. Tay-Tay circling and jabbing, Palicki walks through the jab, taking a couple of stingers but tying up Swift and walking he back to ropes. Palicki then lashing blonde flanks with left and right. Swift pulls arms tight to flanks to absorb body shots as Palicki lathers away. Swift tries to break out with left right to Palicki head but brunette slips the right which skips off crown of head. Left to blonde ribs, then feign to ribs and twist into left uppercut that rings the chin. Bel sounds and singer is looking pale and bleak. Big round - Amazin’ Adrienne Palicki!

Round 4: See- saw swings back! Now its Taylor Swift’s turn to get an ear blistering – courtesy of Jamie Pressley! And the blonde responds! Taylor out of corner, working jab. When Palicki looks to close, Swiftie fades then lashes overhand right, rings up the brunette. Palicki startled and staring and takes a left hook to the chin! Legs shimmy and Palicki reaches to clinch. Tay Tay walks her to ropes, wrestles hands free and pounds the body, each shot putting a shimmy in the lean brunette’s legs. At bell, Swift chests up and tells ashen faced Palicki all about it!

Grand Wizard ringside “See that, Cassie? Neve’ll tell you … the really great ones? You throw them a beating one round, they come right back and stick it down your throat. The more I see, the more impressed I am with this kid!”

Round 5: Scrubby McGee trying to get feeling back in Palicki legs between rounds as McCarthy ices her back, “Keep away from ‘er … take a round … get yer legs back under ya!” Nothin’ doin’ - Taylor Swift out of corner and smells blood in the water. Palicki looking to roam outside and use long jab defensively but blonde tormentress walks through jab to pound brunette midriff left right left. Adrianne forced to ropes and gutted with right uppercut to middle. Blonde extending left hand, palm against stricken brunette’s chest. Right to the head … right to the head … third right sails high as BIG GIRL DOWN! Minute two of the 5th round and Palicki drops to all fours . Taylor Swift throws hands into the air in triumph - all smiles as she goes to corner and ref takes up count … Palicki to one knee at 5 …. up at 9 … ref takes a hard look but lets it continue. Palicki leans against ropes and here comes the hurricane! Left to the ribs! Left to the ribs! Left uppercut splits guard and head snaps back! Palciki sitting back into ropes and sagging. Left right left to the body! Overhand right banging off forehead! Bell sounds and Palicki tries to straighten up … cramping badly and dazed. McGee into ring to guide her to corner. Two judges score it 10-8 … one 10-7 on sustained shutout domination and Taylor Swift is creating some separation!

“Is she done, Uncle Wiz?” asks Cassie, "Think she'll come out for the sixth?"

“Could be she's done …” replied the Wizard, nodding thoughtfully, “Could be her last round, kiddo … but let me tell you something … I’ve watched that oversized girl scout fight for almost ten years and one thing I guarantee - she won’t quit - she’ll come out for the sixth alright … (under breath) … but maybe McGee better be ready to throw in the towel …”

Round 6: Jenny McCarthy hissing in Adrianne’s ear “She’s tired! You got this!”. Palicki assisted from stool by Scrubby McGee. Taylor Swift disdaining stool, laser eyes across the ring – like a Doberman looking at a Porterhouse steak. Bell rings and Swiftie across ring purposefully. Feigns jab and doubles left hook to the body to immediately push brunette into the ropes, then flurries left right left to the skull. Adrianne sagging butt into the ropes. Swift steps back for punching room and throws big over hand right but Palicki stuns opponent by slipping punch and erupting out of crouch with a slapping left hook. Swift stunned more than hurt but backs off – the wounded lioness still has claws. Swift beckons Palicki to mid ring, taunting “C’mon … c’mon … come get some …” but brunette stays on ropes as precious seconds tick by. Tay Tay rolls eyes and moves forward … picking with jab … pot-shotting as opponent goes ear muff. Swift burned a lot of energy past couple of rounds and she is content to pick at Palicki from perimeter and take the round. Swift up 48-46 on two card, 48-45 on the third.

Round 7: Sceej corner, Scrubby Mcgee, “Addie … lissen to me, girl Me names McGee, not Everlast. I make fighters, not fookin’ punchin’ bags! If yer done, just say so … I’ll stop it … but if yer not done, go out dere and take dis fight away from her … NOW!”.

Taylor Swift corner: “Finish her, Tay, she’s got nuthin’ … nuthin’!” from Jamie Pressley. Cameron Diaz, remembering a night in May 2011 when a young Adrianne Palicki one shotted her to sleep and took her lightweight title, “Listen to me … you circle left … LEFT … stay away from that god damn right hand!”

Swiftie refreshed after slowing pace in the sixth, now looking to close the show. On toes and skipping left but spitting the jab, Palicki behind on the cards has no choice but to follow - can’t afford to lay on ropes again. At one minute mark, Swift halts, digs back foot into canvas and rings up Palicki chin with lead right hand. Palicki stopped in tracks but answers with buggy whip left hook to blonde flank and sinks it deep. Swift’s legs are not there, she digs in and flurries to Palicki head. Adrianne earmuffs, not taking damage, then goes to the right uppercut and Swift is hurt! Taylor reaches forward to clinch and two lanky lightweights wrestle mid ring. Palicki works hand free and lands left right combination to the midriff. Swift bends at waist and catches cuffing left hook to temple. Swift goes earmuff. Palicki stepping back for room and slings right hand – she’s pounding into the Swift guard – punches not clean but there’s a sheer concussive force that’s shaking the blonde. Right hand Palicki … right hand Palicki … right hand Palicki. Bell rings and Palicki bodies up, forcing eye contact. Shove from Taylor Swift and these two big girls are looking to go! Round Palicki and cards tighten.

Cassie Scerbo “Palicki’s still in this! You worried, Uncle Wiz?”

Man in the Hat, dryly “No”

Round 8. Cameron Diaz, was hoping to just run out the clock on this but now its no lock on the cards, “She’s gonna come hard, got it? She’s behind. You need to make this b*tch respect you again. This things not in the bag yet. When she comes, you slip her punch … and then you bust her!”

Palicki out purposeful, tracking her blonde as Swift moves around perimeter. Swift jabbing but short … Swift feigns left jab, digs in and goes left hook …

… BLONDE GIRL DOWN!!! Hammer of freakin' Thor right hand! Taylor Swift pitches forward onto her face. Count reaches five and ref waives it off and rolls Swift on to her side to get her air, calling for doctor.

Return of the “Chin Checker”! Knockout at 42 seconds of the eighth round … AMAZIN’ ADRIANNE PALICKI.

Post fight: Palciki to corner to check on Taylor Swift, who is being brought around. Offer sportsmanlike pat on the cheek. Jenny Mac muttering sourly, wanted a Walk of Shame!

Mic into ring for quick word with Palicki, “Well, that felt good! Yeah … some people were writing me off, I get that. No hard feelings though – I wasn’t fighting well and it comes with the territory. After the sixth, Scrubby read me the riot act but sometimes that’s what I need. Am I back? Let’s put it this way … keep putting the best lightweights in front of me and we’ll see, ok?”

Jenny McCarthy grabs mic, “The Chin Checker is BACK! How you like that, bytches?!!”

Adrianne blushing, “Jenny … just stop, ok?”

Man in the Hat standing and slow clapping, then turning to the ladies, “Gimme a minute, I need to go collect on some bets.”

Neve Campbell “Collect? But you bet Swift!”

Man in the Hat, “And when exactly did I say I bet on Swift?”

Cassie Scerbo, “But … the whole fight? You were talking about how she was dominating and fighting smart and …”

Man in the Hat "and that, ladies ... is why one punch knockout power changes the equation! Swift did everything nearly perfect for seven rounds, but ... you don't finish Adrianne Palicki .. . there’s always a risk you're gonna walk into that freakin’ diamond cutter right! Girl hits so hard that even McCarthy training her couldn't screw things up - and that's saying something!"