Gena Lee Nolin versus Karlie Kloss

Press conference features Gena Lee Nolin, trying to pull off her 'cuddly' persona in baby blue cashmere sweater, flanked by Jenny McCarthy and trainer Scrubby McGee and striking Karlie Kloss in her Victoria’s Angel’s crop top, showing chiseled abs and her handlers. Outwardly respectful but tense vibe. Nolin saying all the right things about Karlie as a “welter with a promising future”. Karly calling Nolin a legend.

Then, at the last minute, it deteriorates.

Karlie Kloss (to the assembled press): “Thing is … it’s not 1998, its 2018! Gena Lee had her time … and its past! Way past! Karlie Kloss will be welterweight champion in 2019 … yes, you heard me right … and Gena Lee Nolin is just unfortunate enough to be in the way. It’s natural progression! To quote Pompey, ‘More people worship the rising than the setting sun.’.”

Gena Lee flustered and drops the ‘sweet girl’ guise: “Why you mouthy punk! I don’t just beat models, I process tall skinny bitches into hamburger! And who the hell is Pompey and what does she have to do with it?”

“Pompey’s the chick from ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ … and she couldn’t fight a lick either!” adds J-Mac helpfully, her knowledge of the TV Guide is greater than “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire”.

Fight Night – Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin purposefully down aisle to strains of Gun N Roses “Welcome to the Jungle”, yellow bikini with black boots and gloves, hair in loose ponytail. One ringsider with money on Kloss, ruefully mutters under breath at Nolin disrobe, “Damn, she don’t LOOK 46!. Kloss, already in ring, looking fit in a lacy red Victoria's Secret bra and panties, red trim on black hi-tops, blood red gloves and her brunette hair pulled back off her face and secured with a red scrunchie. Hard looks between lanky brunette and more compact blonde but no words until Jenny Mac sneers, “Hey Kloss, ever been in a meat grinder? Welcome to Hell, b*tch.” Kloss all icy reserve in response.

Rd. 1 – Kloss out of corner on toes, right hand against cheek, looking to jab. Gena Lee rumbling forward with mitts under her chin. Kloss jabs twice, grazing top of Noln’s head as the blonde crouches, then feints jab and throws right with commitment. Nolin slips the right, and lands short left hook to Kloss ribs, follow up right to sternum, lowers head and bulls the model to ropes and sets up shop. Mauling short lefts and rights to ribs, shoulders, midriff. Kloss looking to tie up, Nolin bucks head upward and clips brunette jaw. Academy corner screams "Foul!!!". Kloss wrestles left hand free and whips wide clapping hook to blonde’s right ribs, drawing a grunt of pain. Gena Lee continues to maul and wrestle, maneuvers until ref is to her right then digs left to trunks. Karlie Kloss' face forming the “0” of shock and pain, as she sags into blonde. GLN disengages, half step back, then left right left … hooks to the chin that toggle model’s head. Kloss swooning – corner screaming blue murder about “low blow”.

Commentator: “… Gena Lee Nolin just mauling Karlie Kloss! Fans … this woman has more first round knockouts than most fighters have victories and it looks like she may just add to that today as the referee is taking a very very close look at Karlie Kloss to see if she can continue.”

Bell … Nolin chesting up with still hazy brunette, giving her an earful! Big round for Big Bad Gena Lee – one judge scores it a 10-8 without a knockdown.

Rd. 2 – Kloss gets the smelling salts in corner, ice on the back and ice pack on the groin from Sarah Michelle Gellar while Kelly Hu reads referee the riot act. “We TOLD you she’d foul! Keep your damn eyes open!” Bell rings and controversy erupts – Kloss has split her glove! Now it’s McCarthy’s turn to be outraged, “Split her glove??? On what??? She never landed a f*ckin’ punch!!!”. On and on about “… oldest cheapest trick in the book …” as Kloss is re-gloved. The whole time, Gellar icing brunette’s back. As Hu meticulously tapes new glove she whispers, “You good?” and gets a firm head nod from Karly Kloss.

Bell sounds again to start the second and Nolin charges across ring, looking to blitz wounded opponent, but Kloss with sharp heel turn and out of harms way and Nolin blunders into ring ropes. Nolin whirls to face and … pap pap pap … eats three jabs from Kloss … cheek, forehead, and nose. Nolin half step back and Kloss on her with that rapier jab … and it’s a heavy jab. Nolin heaves right hand in response. Kloss sidesteps and its jab jab and then that long hook to the ribs. Body shot hurts Baywatch beauty and she half steps back … “Stay on her!!!” screams Kelly Hu, “b*tch can’t fight when she’s backing up!”. Indeed, Kloss is mining the singular weakness of the greatest KO artist in FCBA history – Nolin has no reverse gear!. Halting half step back and Kloss lashes that bull whip left hook to the ribs and blonde sags to left. Model feigns left hook and “Big Bad” Gena Lee cringes and gets rung up with right hand off the chin! Nolin looks to lunge and clinch but slick boxing Kloss slides to side and cuffs right hand off ear. Damn near shutout round for Kloss who inches ahead as two judges score it 10-8.

Rd. 3 – Nolin sent out of corner with Jenny Mac hissing in Gena’s ear “Do whatever ya gotta do!”. Kloss on toes, beckoning Nolin to come forward. Nolin cautious, mitts under chin, so Kloss takes lead with brilliant combination – left jab to the eye, left hook to ribs, right hand to the temple – that leaves the blonde wobbly mid ring. Pap pap pap … Kloss peppering Nolin from outside, begins to taunt, “Gonna fight back? Huh? Where’s that Big Bad Gena Lee, hmmm?”. Two minutes in and Scrubby McGee roars, “Clinch, dammit!” and GLN lunges and holds onto brunette tormentor for all she’s worth. Kloss rabbit punches Nolin and get warning from ref – ref carelessly fails to break clinch and Nolin goes trunks! Left to the trunks, left to the midriff and follow up left low and Kloss is stricken but once again, crafty blonde twists her opponent in clinch to hide low blows. Right hand to chin has Kloss reeling backward and lunging right to temple puts Kloss on her back, drawing mixed cheers and boos from crowd. Nolin back to corner with raised fist. Kloss on a knee at 5, starts to straighten up but wincing in pain, manages up at 8 … and HERE COMES BIG BAD GENA LEE NOLIN! Pushes model into ropes and as she bounces back, lands an overhand right off forehead. Same procedure, and right kisses cheek. Right hand Nolin … right hand Nolin … right hand Nolin … Kloss swooning … bell rings …

… and right hand Nolin well after the bell!

Ref grabs Nolin wrist and pointing to three judges deducts a point – still a 10-9 round Nolin.

Commentator: “.. and THAT fans .. is Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin … just pummeling her opponent right up to the bell .. and beyond! Referee is deducting a point … as he should … but that is small comfort to Karlie Kloss as she is lead to corner on very shaky legs!”

Rd. 4 – Nolin comes out hard to finish but Kloss, albeit on unsteady legs, lopes the perimeter of ring, avoiding blonde haymakers as Nolin remains right hand crazy and brunette uses jab to keep distance. Frustrated Scrubby McGee scolding Nolin to go to the body, but it’s on deaf ears – that finisher blood lust is on Nolin. Nolin landing the cuffing right hand but not the clean finisher she needs to end it. End of round, Kloss startles everyone by digging toes into canvas and stopping Nolin in her tracks with a left jab, right cross combination. Round Nolin – she’s up 38-36 but Scrubby in corner “Ya let her off da hook!”

Rd. 5 – Nolin looking to take a round off after burning a lot of fuel in round 4 and Kloss won’t have it. Sensing older woman is gassed, younger model determined to make her work. Kloss double pumps that stiff left jab into GLN’s pretty face and dances away from right handed receipt. Kloss not exactly slick but covers ground with those long legs. Its jab jab right to the temple … followed by jab jab left hook to the ribs … Gena Lee late with the receipt most times and when she does land, its trading single shots for a combination.

Commentator: “… and fans, Big Boss Karlie Kloss is giving Gena Lee Nolin a boxing lesson!”

Late in round, Gena Lee lunges for clinch and starts to wrestle with lanky brunette. Pulls her so Kloss’ back is to ref and dips left shoulder, uppercuts to groin … and Kloss raises leg, causing GLN to wince as hand meets bony knee. Bell rings and Kloss pulls Nolin tight into clinch and hisses in ear “Not this time, b*tch!”. Round to Karlie Kloss, big.

Commentator: “ … halfway through fans and the veteran Nolin is clinging to a one point lead on the cards … not that she’s looking for a decision … this is the greatest knockout artist in FBA history but she’s starting to look a little outclassed by a taller, faster woman twenty years her junior.

Rd. 6 – No charge across ring this time. Nolin in crouch and Kloss standing tall as they meet center ring. McGee screaming for “… da body!!!” from Sceej corner and Nolin ducks down and throws left and right hooks to midriff … first glances, second Kloss slides from and lands cuffing right to Gena Lee’s temple. Brunette jabs blonde pate …. feigns jab and cracks right to jaw … then doubles up with right lead to jaw and Nolin stumbles back all big eyed. Left right left … all scoring to head …. Nolin looks to clinch but Kloss not there … sliding left. Kloss picking up the pressure, forcing blonde to stumble backward, blows not landing clean but sheer volume is an issue and as any fighter will tell you, punches to the forearms and shoulders still hurt!

Second minute of fight, fighters clinch and for first time, Karlie Kloss feels confident that she’s the stronger of the two. She walks GLN back to ropes and doubles that whiplash left hook to the ribs. Steps back for room to extend and splits Nolin guard with straight right hand that snaps blonde head back. “Tie her up!” screams McCarthy from Sceej corner. Nolin looks to grab and Kloss torques hips and blasts uppercut with left to blonde chin. Nolin pitches forward and puddles at Kloss’s feet. Ref gathering Kloss and guiding her to neutral corner with Kloss “accidentally” stepping on small on Nolin’s back. Ref wags finger at Kloss in corner and Kelly Hu hot “You were the one who pulled her that way! What’s she supposed to do? Leap over her?”

Ref back to prostrate blonde, picking up the count from timekeeper “… 7 … 8 … 9 … 10 … yer out!”

Commentator: “… and there you have it, boxing fans, your winner by knockout at 2:28 of the sixth round … Karlie Kloss!”

“We are going to try to get a word with Karlie now and … no ... wait … Sceej corner getting Nolin back on her feet and guiding her to corner but here comes Karlie Kloss … Kloss with Kelly Hu and Sarah Michelle Gellar … and it looks like …. yes … there’ going to be a Walk of Shame … this is a tradition that began among the models … Karlie Kloss wrapping arm around Nolin … Jenny McCarthy seething but she knows the traditions of the FCBA …. Nolin stumbling … seems unsure where she is … Karlie Kloss waving to the fans … little apparent sympathy for Nolin here … we all saw how she conducted herself during the fight …”

“They are stopping? Stopping in the Fighting Academy corner … Kloss is calling for a microphone … and … I think … yes, Kelly Hu and Sarah Michelle Gellar have draped Gena Lee Nolin over the ring ropes?”

Karlie Kloss on mic “Thank you fans (loud applause) … Big Boss Kloss is back on track (loud applause). And now there’s just one thing left to do! She may not be much of a fighter anymore but she’s certainly still a very very bad girl! And we all KNOW what happens to bad girls, right?”

Groggy Gena Lee Nolin, bent over ring ropes, wrists held by Hu and Gellar. Smirking, Karlie Kloss lowers Nolin’s bikini bottoms and chuckles into microphone “… bad girls get SPANKED!”

WHAP … WHACK … THWACK … Karlie Kloss laying it on hard to Big Bad Gena Lee’s shapely and rapidly reddening rump! Nolin’s sleepy eyes fly open in alarm, pain, and humiliation as she is publicly spanked by a woman twenty years her junior! A giggling Kloss gets in about ten solid smacks before she has to retreat … an enraged J-Mac entering the ring swinging the spit bucket like a mace.

Jenny bellowing as the Academy girls as they walk aisle to dressing room to loud applause. “That’s f*ckin’ out of line, Hu! You know and I know there’s things you do and things you don’t! Walk of shame? Fine … but you don’t f*ckin’ spank a grown woman in front of the fans! This ain’t over, Hu! This ain’t over!!!”