Michelle Williams vs. Catherine Zeta-Jones

BEFORE:

In an earlier era, this one would have been greeted with the line "the circus comes to town", because we've got lightweight Catherine Zeta-Jones going down to meet flyweight Michelle Williams...somewhere for some reason. And, nobody seems to know what to make of any of this. "No idea why she'd want a suicide mission like fighting me," Cat says haughtily. "I guess she's run out of challenges among the munchkins or something."

"Yes, she's a lot bigger girl than me," says Michelle with an equal amount of confidence. "But, she's about to find out that it doesn't matter."

ROUND ONE:

It matters. At least in the first round. Cat Zeta's plan is pretty simple. She's going to walk through anything the smaller Williams throws and bully her around in there. And, if Michelle weren't the Hall of Famer she is, this would be PLENTY ugly, because, that's exactly what the brunette does. However, Michelle knows every trick of geometry and spacing there is, and she uses them all to prevent the bigger woman from simply overwhelming her. Still, though, Cat's able to mug and maul inside plenty, and, when she's doing this, she's throwing Mishy to the defensive, making it impossible for her to do anything but trying not to get shoved through the ropes out onto the floor like this is pro wrestling or something. Michelle manages that, and she manages some solid counter punches, but, at the bell, the round and the 10-9 lead belong to Cat.

ROUND TWO:

Michelle gets some things figured out. Williams usually at a quickness deficit at flyweight these days, but not against the bigger, older Zeta Jones. In fact, Mishy has a MAJOR edge in that department, and she begins using it, not just to land punches, but to slip them and create space and angles. Cat's still bulling forward, but Michelle's not there. She's slipping off center as Zeta Jones comes forward, landing punches, circling, always staying outside her rival's left foot. Cat trying to adjust, trying to square, but she can't get it done. Instead, she takes tons of peppering fire from the flyweight, who's beginning to get in that familiar rhythm, the one that's destroyed so many flyweights over the years. Mishy gaining more and more control as the round goes on. At the bell, Zeta Jones looking clumsy and slow as Michelle finishes things off with a sharp combination to grab the round wide and even the fight at 19.

ROUND THREE:

More Mishy early. Michelle continuing to torture the slower brunette with quick, accurate fire, all while avoiding her rival's attempted retorts. BOOM! Well. All except that one and MICHELLE'S HURT! A somewhat WILD right hand from Cat lands and sends Williams stumbling back against the ropes and NOW the blonde is in SERIOUS trouble. Brunette just letting the hands go, firing away with everything she has looking to take Mishy out of there. Williams again digging deep into the bag of guile and trickery in an effort to run the clock. She's rolling with punches, ducking, slipping, even tying up as she hangs on desperately. Zeta Jones, for her part, just sitting down on everything, determined to take the blonde out of there, but unable to find the 'off' switch. Instead, she piles up points and damage to the bell, taking the round wide and grabbing back the lead 29-28.

ROUND FOUR:

Surprisingly for a woman of her experience, Cat makes a rookie mistake early. She's after Michelle right off the bell, but she gets sloppy. She's winging away at the smaller woman, looking to finish things when she should really be consolidating. Williams still not all the way back, but she's got enough in the legs to handle this kind of attack. She parries and slips, gives ground and angles, but manages to stay off the ropes and avoid the big shot the brunette's trying to land. By mid-round, Williams' legs are functioning pretty well, and all Cat has to show for her early efforts is a lot of wasted energy, something a 48-year-old can ill afford. Mishy, meanwhile, begins to get her offense going, mostly in counter. She's angling to ranges where she can get off and slipping the vast majority of the brunette's retorts. By the bell, Michelle's slipped into the lead, grabbing the points and evening the fight at 38.

ROUND FIVE:

Blonde beginning to run rings around the brunette. Figuratively, of course, because dancing around the ring has never been Mishy's thing. Geometry, however, IS, and she's teaching a master class in it right now. Using her quickness advantage and her mastery of the craft, Michelle absolutely takes Cat to the woodshed. Zeta Jones can't find the blonde, and the blonde's fists find almost nothing but Cat's face and body. And the body is a major target in the fifth. Mishy's working the belly and the flanks, all in the service of wearing down the older woman, who's looking like she's beginning to slow. And, unlike her rival, Williams doesn't rush anything. She takes her time and gets her work in, punishing the brunette for three straight minutes. Cat lands here and there, but only here and there, and, by the bell, Michelle's won the round wide and taken the lead 48-47.

ROUND SIX:

Mish has prepared Zeta Jones for slaughter, and now she moves in to finish. Blonde aggressive early, again angling past brunette defenses to work at appropriate ranges, get shot on target to head and body. Cat fading beneath the assaults, mouth breathing, when Michelle ups the ante and goes RACK. NASTY combination to the bust-line leaves Zeta Jones shocked and hurting, and Michelle gives her no time to recover. A blizzard of punches ROCKS THE BRUNETTE! Cat staggers and Michelle pours it on. Zeta Jones listing, legs going. Referee watching, ready to leap in if this continues. It does not. RIGHT HAND, MICHELLE AND DOWN GOES CAT! Zeta Jones puddles at Williams' feet after an absolutely brutal assault from the Hall of Famer. Mishy taking her time getting to a neutral corner. She knows Zeta Jones is finished. She's certain she's pounded every last ounce of resistance from the brunette. And, she has. Cat lays face down on the canvas well past the count of ten. It's OVER. And your winner by KO6 is Michelle Williams!

AFTER

Michelle's done a lot of things in her career, so, this one, as unusual as it is, doesn't appear to have made much of an impact. Mishy matter-of-fact after the fact. "She was good once," says the blonde with a nod. "But, she's not in the Hall of Fame. I am. You saw why."