Geri Halliwell versus Kylie Minogue

Cougar Boxing @ The Beach
Geri Halliwell (15-11-1, 11 KO) vs Kylie Minogue (1-5, 1 KO)
(Lioness Club vs The Bondi Babes)
Result: Lookout! / Story: Vassago

BEFORE: This is a classic cougar boxing at the beach and many people wonder if Geri Halliwell finally calls it a day in case of defeat tonight. The delicious redhead celebrated her 44th birthday earlier this month and hasn't fought this year at all yet she always wanted to beat up Kylie Minogue which would serve as an icing on the cake regarding her long and distinguished boxing career on both sides of the Atlantic.

On the other hand Kylie refuses to quit the FCBA boxing scene especially after stopping Geri's ex-bandmate Victoria Beckham on the ANZAC Day Special last year which finally ended her lousy five bout losing streak. She remains one of the oldest active flyweights around the world but boasts top physical shape fuelled by her various concert schedules & high-energy dancing routines that come along with it. Physically, Minogue is literally ten years younger than her birth record indicates and that could be a serious problem for Halliwell tonight.

The fight is held on the famed Bondi Beach in Eastern Sydney; Geri's desire to knock Kylie out requires her to make the long trip Down Under where "Green & Gold" Magazine's Sarah Cumming oversees the cougar action.

Geri Halliwell wears a leopard print one-piece swimsuit with a deep V-shaped cleavage and silver gloves. Strawberry blonde hair tied in a high ponytail. Kylie Minogue wears a golden basque top, light green knickers and matching green gloves. Long blonde hair tied in a sleek ponytail. Both women barefoot. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the flyweight division.

Round 1:
Geri sticks some early leather into her opponent's guts but eats a couple of hooks over the top which triggers a brawling display in the middle of the ring yet Kylie's heels get stuck in the sand quickly and she struggles for balance which allows the redhead to crash a left hook on the jaw that makes the older singer gurgle in displeasure before a belting follow up on the navel almost sends the Aussie tumbling down alltogether. Halliwell settles into the close range stance much better and loops repeated strikes onto her opponent's cheeks while Minogue fails to adapt to the loose surface and simply avoids the leather rush for most of the round. Geri tries to punch the fellow singer into the ropes but Kylie finally matches her footwork come the final minute and ducks underneath the aerial attack to secure a late clinch. The English babe still slams her on the ribcage and almost wrestles down on the sand before the ref pulls her off amid a loud jeering response from the Sydney crowd gathered around the beach.

Round 2:
Both women are happy to work in short dance but Kylie's swarming skills leave a lot to desire and she bounces off the redhead's forearms far too often to put her under any real pressure in the opening minute. However Halliwell's overhand attacks become a little too predicable down the stretch and Kylie's bendy display allows her to duck them for a while before a change downstairs enables the Brit to cash in against the ribcage again. Minogue winces in pain briefly but powers ahead with a sinking hook on the brow ridge followed by another one on the chin that sags Halliwell on her heels. Because of the loose surface, Geri gets stacked up on the spot and soaks up a left cross on the nose and falls back onto the ropes with the Sydney crowd roaring in delight when Minogue traps her in the corner and cleans out the tummy to leave Halliwell bend in a heap on the turnuckle at the bell.

Round 3:
It's obvious both women struggle for punch resistance at this stage of their career and Kylie flies in with another hook to dominate the close range dust up early in the third. She catches the younger singer on the brow ridge and a repeated assault in the area leaves Halliwell visibly swollen come the second minute already. Geri gets stuck in the sand far too often and fails to avoid the improved Aussie rush fuelled by the wild ovations from the crowd. Minogue barks in her efforts to trap the Essex woman against the turnbuckle again but a swift hook to the guts aids her cause and Halliwell retreats at will before getting nailed on the mouth for a good measure. Kylie pounds her to the body to maintain the upper hand afterwards and poor Geri slumps against the ropes at the bell aching badly and refusing to look the otherwise lively opponent in the eye anymore. Is this bout one bridge too far for the Essex veteran?

Round 4:
Minogue dwells on the support she receives from the Sydney residents and waves back at them with a beaming smile on her face. She's dominated a lethargic looking fellow singer in the previous two rounds and looks to shut out shop in the fourth already. Geri relied on her power most of the time in the ring dating back to the late 90s but Kylie's physical shape truly gives her all the trouble in the world and then some tonight... UNTIL she beats the Aussie blonde for a right-on-right to start the fourth and follows it up with a nose-busting cross! "You bytch!!", Kylie squeals in pain and drops back on her heels when she gets lampooned out of her comfort zone whereas GERI CREATES HAVOC shortly afterwards and bombs away upstairs scoring left, right and center with Minogue unable to soak up the initial punch and the subsequent leather flood. Disaster for the Sydney crowd as Halliwell pounds their fav butt-in-ropes and dissects the high guard to dump Kylie all over the place and just sinking down on jelly knees come the final few seconds. The blonde's spasms are topped by the redhead's angry screams as she leaves Minogue all messed up once the sand settles down; a nasty gash under the left eye requires immediate medical help but the hollow look in Kylie's eyes says it all really.

Round 5:
Most of the people gathered on the Bondi Beach doesn't realize what just happened out there in the fourth but neither does Minogue who gets up from her stool only to get pancaked between the mitts with a late 90s Spice Girl special revival! Those were the days where Geri was The Brawler on late night TV and she rolls back two decades TO WRENCH Kylie's face into a swollen mess within the opening minute. Heavy onslaught shatters the guard and tears more cuts on the blonde's face who bellows out into semi-consciousness under the attack while Halliwell lifts her off her feet with a brutal uppercut on the chin to turn the Aussie lights out for good. MINOGUE CRASHES FACE-DOWN on the sand and she's been knocked out cold in truly emphatic fashion! KO5 Geri Halliwell.

AFTER: The Bondi Beach is silenced with that result but some meager applause is heard nonetherless while few eager female boxing fans try to revive Kylie from the KO daze. "That's gonna take a while!", Geri laughs off those efforts and stares down at the male dominated audience to check if someone objects her ultra rough treatment of one of Australia's most valuable export products. "HOW did you do that? We thought Kylie was invincible", "Hah! Check the old VCR tapes, sunshine! I've busted her up long before FCBA went network! She remembers that all too well. Posh & me always had a good laugh at her candy store looks and while she knocked Victoria about, I was always the supreme girl! No matter if I'm 24 or forty... something... I've always had her number. Hers and that scrawny sister of hers too! God, I need a bath and a drink now! Don't tell me you've got nothing but Foster's AGAIN?"

Sarah Cumming tries to catch up with our winner and find out about those alleged retirement plans however the alcohol consumption that follows cuts the Green & Gold coverage prematurely short. The party goes on long into the Sydney night and even Minogue's dreadful demise is eventually forgotten once the drinks are upgraded from the much maligned Foster's special. Moreover, based on tonight's outcome, the one cougar edging closer to retirement represents the host nation, not the proud Three Lions.

Final result: Geri Halliwell def Kylie Minogue KO5.