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Post by Punchaholics Anonymous on Aug 16, 2016 15:19:28 GMT -6
Anna Popplewell vs Virginie Ledoyen   "I'd love to be as accomplished as her some day!" said Anna Popplewell, when asked to comment on her public challenge to Virginie Ledoyen. In earlier one-off statements on the subject, Popplewell had described Ledoyen as "Talented!" and "Super cute!" The press, anxious to find a more exciting angle, continued to push. "I sent her a challenge because I don't want to see anyone's talent wasted. Virginie should decide whether she wants to be a boxer or not. If she doesn't want to face me, someone else should get her spot in the rankings. If she does, good luck to her, but she'd better be ready for a fight!" Virginie Ledoyen had not immediately responded to the initial challenge, but her reply to Popplewell's explanation was quite direct. "Anyone Emma Watson can beat, I can," she said, confidently. "Anna might look strong against trash like Lady Gaga, but a few rounds in the ring with me will sort her out." On fight night, Ledoyen jogged down the ramp to a strong response from the crowd, looking slim and tough in her white sports bra and trunks. The actress stretched and warmed up as Popplewell made her entrance wearing similar athletic gear in black. Ledoyen acknowledged her minimally, obviously planning to let her fists do the talking, which seemed to suit Popplewell fine. Round 1: Ledoyen made a careful opening, using her jab and superior reach to control the ring. Popplewell attempted to avoid Ledoyen's game entirely, trying to outmaneuver her; the veteran Ledoyen was thoroughly resistant to being outmaneuvered. The final result was a sore jaw for Ledoyen from one of Popplewell's successful breakthroughs, and general wear and tear on Popplewell from each failure. Overall, Ledoyen took the worst of it, but neither woman came close to showing total dominance. Round 2: Once again, Popplewell did her best to dodge and sneak around Ledoyen's defenses, but this time she hit a brick wall. Ledoyen, scuffed but undamaged, seemed to have used the first round to figure out her rival's tactics, and was now perfectly countering them. Popplewell looked sheepish during the break, having gone a full round nearly unable to find her rival at all, while Ledoyen had plenty of reasons to look smug on her stool. Round 3: Ledoyen's plans to coast to victory were promptly cancelled in the third round as Popplewell switched gears, tagging the taller fighter on the cheek early on after feinting and forcing a misstep. Ledoyen was shaken, but did not fall apart, striking back soon after and giving Popplewell a matching set of bruises. The battle continued with neither woman ever too far ahead, and while Ledoyen managed to finish the round ahead by a hair, she was clearly not in control of the match. Round 4: A similar dance continued in the fourth round, but with more intensity. Popplewell was able to force a brief, close battle culminating in a painful barrage of blows to Ledoyen's body. The older actress retreated, not hiding her pain, but soon returned to land a solid blow to Popplewell's nose. By the end of the round, Ledoyen was looking more worn down than her opponent, even though she had given a good account of herself. Round 5: Ledoyen continued to shift in the fifth round, looking to pull ahead as she had before and hold on to her lead. However, Popplewell was quick enough to spot an opening as she adjusted, striking through her guard to the surprise of seemingly everyone present. Ledoyen retreated, shaken, but Popplewell gave chase. Ledoyen, off balance, was unable to restrict her opponent as she had thus far, and in seconds Popplewell had struck her rival's face several times uninterrupted. The last swing hit Ledoyen straight on, bringing her to a complete halt as Popplewell stopped her attempts to recover. Ledoyen spent a fraction of a second swaying unsteadily and stepping forward, jaw slack and eyes unfocused, before Popplewell's follow up instantly put her down on her back, motionless. Arms and legs splayed, Ledoyen was obviously not in any condition to continue, and the referee quickly declared Popplewell the winner by KO5. Popplewell took an instant to admire her work before sprinting back to her corner into the arms of her stablemates. After the messy collision sorted itself out, Popplewell took a position on Robyn Lawley's shoulders; normally the best seats in the house, but the victorious actress was not concerned with the view. When Lawley put her down, she addressed the press. "Virginie's knows what she's doing. But as you can see, I knew what she was doing too." In the background, Ledoyen had managed to rise to a sitting position, though her hand on her head and facial expression suggested that she regretted the decision. "And anybody I figure out is taking a trip to the canvas. That goes for whoever I pick next too!" |
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Post by Punchaholics Anonymous on Aug 16, 2016 15:28:43 GMT -6
Amy Acker vs Zooey Deschanel   "Knocking out Zooey was always a kind of idle, back burner desire for me," explained Amy Acker. "It's obvious that I do her gimmick better than she does, and first at that. But I figured that it would never happen. When I found out she was interested in stepping into the ring, of course, it made my day!" "Amy wants a win that she can practically sleep through, but I'm gonna wake her up," said Zooey Deschanel shortly after. "Really, it's almost impossible for me to avoid surprising her in one way or another; I've seen all of her matches, and I was even there when she smashed Angelina. But all of my practice has been behind closed doors, and that's going to throw her." At the last minute, the stakes rose significantly; a series of increasingly bold public statements from the two actresses led to Zooey Deschanel promising to become Amy Acker's personal assistant in the event that she lost, in exchange for a contract with Punchaholics Anonymous should she win. "I don't think they really need two tall bantamweights, do they?" commented Deschanel as the final preparations fell into place. On fight night, Deschanel looked cool, collected, and prepared in her pink athletic wear, making Acker, wearing red, wait for the crowd to settle down after her entrance. Round 1: Acker pecked at Deschanel conservatively in the first round. Deschanel responded competently enough, preventing Acker from hurting her, while taking few of the risks necessary to take the round back. There were no last minute surprises, and both women returned to their corners relatively unscathed. Round 2: Acker made her move midway through the second round, after poking away at her opponent predictably for the first minute. As Deschanel struck back at her foe, Acker weaved and countered. Deschanel wilted noticeably as Acker's right fist slammed into her nose, and things went downhill from there for the shorter brunette. Acker took advantage easily, striking both sides of Deschanel's head one after the other in a carefully timed attack. Deschanel, looking disoriented, had enough fight left in her to chase Acker off in a calculated retreat. Acker continued to harass Deschanel successfully, however. Round 3: Deschanel made the push she required for survival in the third, with adequate but mixed results. Early on, Deschanel's offense overwhelmed Acker, who remained on defense with only sporadic attacks. However, Acker did sneak another straight right through Deschanel's guard, solidly colliding and making her wince. This time, Deschanel recovered and managed to coast to a close but essentially mandatory victory. Round 4: Once again, Deschanel made a vital push, and this time she was rewarded for her efforts. After a closely fought opening, Deschanel lunged and caught Acker on the chin, surprising her. Acker rallied, only to find Deschanel unwilling to let go of her advantage, battling on and catching her rival on the chin. Acker's defenses faltered at that point, and Deschanel quickly turned her hard earned gains into a painful round for her opponent, pummeling her badly at several points and shutting down each of her increasingly ineffective counterattacks. Round 5: Acker, struggling to find her space, held her ground against a strong offense from Deschanel in the opening, parrying the determined woman's attacks effectively and striking back ehrn shr was able. It soon became clear that Deschanel would not be able to push Acker around, at least for the moment. Again and again, Acker pushed Deschanel back. By the time the bell rang, Deschanel was frowning from frustration rather than physical pain. Round 6: Deschanel went on the offense again, only to bounce right off of Acker and attempt to formulate a plan B. At that exact moment, Deschanel's plan B was, of course, to survive the confident Acker's countercharge. She drove the attacking actress back with some difficulty, the fight turning into a messy brawl for an instant before both women chose to collect themselves. They continued to skirmish inconclusively, much to both of their frustration. Round 7: Both women took it slow in the seventh round, as neither seemed in the mood to wear herself out fighting to a standstill two tounds in a row. The pace allowed Acker to use her jab to keep Deschanel temporarily under control, at least on a tenuous second by second basis. When Deschanel began to object more forcefully, charging her taller opponent ferociously, Acker not only survived, but swiftly punished Deschanel's final failed punch. Acker's right hand slipped past Deschanel's arm and struck her on the cheek. Deschanel revealed her surprise after the moment of impact as she flailed to block nonexistent punches; she had obviously not seen the precise blow coming. Acker repositioned and fired off two punches to the dizzy Deschanel's head. The final heavy right hand caused the shorter actress to swoon, landing on her side and holding herself barely off of the mat to avoid a complete collapse. Acker watched quietly from her own corner, smiling and nodding as her stablemate Robyn Lawley leaned in to whisper somein her ear. There was not much to watch; Deschanel was several seconds late in rising to her feet, giving Acker the KO7 win. Deschanel was aware enough of her surroundings to be present for the official announcement. Acker placed one arm possessively around the beaten woman's waist as the referee raised her hand in victory, then quickly escaped, never loosening her grip on her prize. In the following weeks, Deschanel released a statement detailing a variety of ways that Amy Acker was her superior as a boxer and an actress, and was seen almost daily entering or leaving Punchaholics Anonymous facilities. Amy Acker eventually commented on her newly acquired assistant. "It's been lovely! She's really quite pleasant to be around now that I've dealt with her sense of superiority, and it's quite nice to have a dedicated person to take care of things. Tomorrow I might want to practice grappling, just for fun or my personal development, and I'll need a training dum... sparring partner. Later I might need someone to pick my coffee up! Doesn't matter, Zooey will handle it!" |
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Post by Punchaholics Anonymous on Aug 16, 2016 15:38:34 GMT -6
Christina Hendricks vs Amy Schumer   "She really showed Lana Del Rey who's boss," said Christina Hendricks, when asked to explain her initial interest in Amy Schumer as an opponent. "But when I found out she was almost exactly my size, it sort of came together in my head. She's got a recognizable name and she likes a good fight! I have to get a hold of her." Schumer herself seemed interested as well. "This is really the closest match for me physically so far, so I think it's going to be one to watch," said the comedian. "Christina might be more of a draw than me at this point, but I hope to win over a few fans myself." On fight night, Schumer arrived in navy blue trunks and bra, while Hendricks dressed similarly in maroon. The setup was unusually cordial, despite third parties attempting to stir things up. Round 1: Schumer opened strongly, only to slip up and catch Hendricks' left hand firmly on her nose. Covering up and retreating, Schumer escaped Hendricks' follow up safely enough other than a bruising blow to her side. More careful now, Schumer tried to go head to head again, falling short and absorbing a solid hit now and then but overall refusing to be pushed around. Round 2: Getting off to a better start, Schumer traded jabs with Hendricks in the opening of the second round. When Hendricks pushed, Schumer pushed back, standing her ground and clipping the redhead's jaw before she could counterattack. The two women continued to separate and meet head on, with Schumer's fists generally finding their targets despite steady resistance from Hendricks. Round 3: The third round was another grind, this one seeing Hendricks showing slightly more energy and Schumer determined to weather the storm to strike back. Hendricks had no intention of letting that happen, and solidly struck Schumer on the jaw after several false starts, knocking the big blonde back but leaving her on her feet. Schumer, less willing to play it slow, charged, only to be beaten back and given a bruised eye for her trouble. There was little room to reinvent a strategy for Schumer at the moment, but she nevertheless continued to be a thorn in Hendricks' side. Round 4: In the fourth round, Schumer tried to fight her way out of her current slump. Unfortunately for the blonde comedian, Hendricks caught her on the side of the head hard enough to make her stumble early on, then chased her back, fists flying in the brief moment of uncertainty. By the time Schumer regained her balance, Hendricks had corralled her in a corner, and proceeded to pound her rival's tummy up close with rising hooks. Schumer fought her way out, but the damage was done, and any plans she had of pulling ahead this round quickly vanished as Hendricks had her pick of head shots against the blonde until the bell. During the break, a smiling Hendricks nearly bounced on her stool, obviously anxious to get back into the fight. Round 5: Schumer, needing a win to avoid a death spiral, faced off against Hendricks with a determined expression on her face when the bell rang. Hendricks immediately showed the onlookers that determination was not enough as she punished Schumer for her risky play. However, soon the blonde was holding her ground again, trading blows evenly in the center of the ring. Both women defended themselves tightly as they sought an opening, and by the end of the round, Schumer had found several, even if using them allowed Hendricks a certain amount of payback. Round 6: Schumer beat back Hendricks early in the sixth round, causing onlookers to abandon the idea that the fight had ended two rounds earlier. Hendricks, clearly abandoning the idea of coasting across the finish line at her leisure, nevertheless struck back, overwhelming the blonde briefly at several points and bashing her head hard enough to shake her. However, a consistent performance from Schumer left Hendricks on the defensive for the second half of the round, allowing the blonde to take a narrow win on the cards. Round 7: Just as Schumer appeared to be clawing her way towards the general direction of victory, Hendricks let her have it. The redhead maneuvered past Schumer's guard and landed a heavy right hand catching the blonde as she moved forward. Plans instantly cancelled, Schumer took a hint and dodged away, with Hendricks doing her best to chase her down. Several much more competitive clashes followed, favoring Hendricks noticeably. Towards the end of the round, Schumer parried and countered, striking Hendricks on the jaw and knocking her back. With a burst of energy, the blonde swung several times, landing her hits in close succession. When it was over, Hendricks was stumbling backwards to land in a sitting position, and Schumer was walking backwards with a big smile. Hendricks only took a moment to rise, and fought the remaining seconds of the round decently enough. Round 8: Hendricks clashed with Schumer, but this time lacking the energy she needed to resist the blonde effectively. Fighting defensively, the redhead managed to stall and earn herself a breather at times as Schumer waited her out. At the midpoint, the blonde lunged in, smashing her fist into Hendricks jaw without resistance. Hendricks stumbled forward, landing on her hands and knees. She exhaled loudly and punched the mat in frustration, but could rise no further until the count had passed. Amy Schumer took the KO8 win officially shortly after. Hendricks got to her feet and stayed there soon after, accepting a hug from her opponent gratefully but with an obvious embarrassed expression. Both women had obviously given everything they had in this fight, and it showed as they leaned on each other in the center of the ring. "I hit her with everything I could and she didn't quit. She deserves all of the attention she's getting!" commented Hendricks once the smoke cleared. "I'm definitely not used to seeing a woman stay upright after what I put her through." Meanwhile, Schumer had made her intentions clear. "I think people looked at the start of my boxing career and wrote me off as someone who would go zero for three and then vanish forever. That was never my plan! But I think I made my point against Christina. Now I just need another woman willing to step in the ring with me!" |
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Post by Punchaholics Anonymous on Aug 16, 2016 15:45:14 GMT -6
Robyn Lawley vs Gwendolyn Christie   Robyn Lawley lamented the difficulty she faced finding satisfactory opponents. "I'm still shooting for the imaginary middleweight belt, which involves doing some digging. There aren't many women big enough to really qualify, and out of them, only a few want to fight. So when Gwendoline Christie returned my call I was pretty excited." Christie herself seemed to have experienced similar issues. "I always wanted to give boxing a shot," she explained, "But getting a volunteer to fight me was always a big hurdle. I think Star Wars got me on the map, though Robyn will tell you that she doesn't pass over anybody. Naturally, I've been training hard to win my debut!" On fight night, Lawley put her runway skills to good use during her entrance, despite the fact that she had likely never modelled a pair of blue athletic shorts and a sports bra. However, Christie's entrance in Captain Phasma-esque silver athletic gear gave her a run for her money; the blonde actress was well known for her intimidating stage presence. Both women attempted to out aloof the other until the bell. Round 1: Christie, edging Lawley out by a hair on reach, attempted to jab her way to a win on the scorecard in the opening. Lawley struggled at first, but managed to outmaneuver the blonde to earn her share of the points, striking at Christie's ribs solidly. Christie kept her cool under the sudden pressure, stuck to the plan, and kept Lawley from building any momentum. Round 2: Facing a slow, steady grind if continuing down her current path, Christie played the second round much riskier, often lashing out unexpectedly. The gamble paid off, and despite some punishment for her wilder attacks early on, the blonde bruised Lawley's cheek and got away with it, then pounded her jaw with a punch carrying her full weight. Lawley, in trouble, decided to play the turtle, avoiding catastrophe but giving up her unbruised midsection and anything close to a competitive round. Round 3: Lawley, not intimidated by a good performance, punished Christie's attempts at offense more effectively in the opening of the third round. After Lawley quickly counterpunched her own swing, landing a painful looking straight armed blow to the nose, Christie was much more careful. Lawley, given more space, dragged Christie into another slow grind -- not the wild brawl the fans would have liked, but as Christie consistently tapped Lawley from arms length, it became clear that the big model was not enjoying it either. Round 4: Now it was Lawley's turn to go on offense. The tall brunette shot forward energetically at the bell, surprising Christie and sneaking a left hand through her guard almost immediately. Christie leaned back as Lawley's fist struck her on the mouth, wincing but rolling with the punch decently. In the ensuing battle, Lawley quickly took control, bashing Christie in the head with her fists several times before the big blonde could escape. Christie, bruised but holding steady, managed to slow Lawley down for a time, working the brunette into the rhythm that had served her well early on. Late in the round, however, Lawley broke Christie's defenses again for another few solid, unanswered head shots before the bell. Round 5: Once again, Christie applied the brakes to the fight despite Lawley's best efforts to keep her foot on the gas. Keeping her distance, the tall blonde avoided a repeat performance of the previous round by pushing her rival back and countering effectively enough to hamper her attacks. The system was far from perfect, and Lawley proved it by breaking through on occasion, but the tall model was clearly unhappy with the result at the bell. Round 6: Lawley, fed up with being penned in, decided to make her move in the sixth round. Both women started slowly enough, but at the midpoint Lawley began to push, and soon Christie was an instant too slow in avoiding the dark haired model's swing. As the blonde's head jerked back, Lawley fired again, interrupting Christie's last ditch attempt to push the dark haired model back. The blow struck the side of the blonde's face, knocking her jaw to the side hard enough that her head followed a fraction of a second later. Lawley followed up by landing a left hand without much difficulty, bashing Christie's head from the side. Immediately after the moment of impact, Christie was out on her feet. Bending sideways at the waist and curling up as she collapsed backwards, the blonde actress landed against the ropes. One of her loosely hanging arms had landed over a rope, supporting her in a sitting position as her head rolled to the side. Lawley abstained from theatrics this time, her look of intense concentration and focus remaining on her face. She turned back to her corner as the referee immediately called the fight -- KO6 Lawley. "I made it look easy, but it wasn't. Any idiot who glances at her upper arms knows that this girl can hurt anybody, badly." Lawley had taken a day off before appearing in an interview. "So if you can't tell, she made my life difficult for a while." The victorious fighter kept her description of Christie positive, wishing her well in her future matches, but had an important footnote to add. "You know, Gwen and I talked a few times when the suits were putting the details together, and she's a sweetheart. It was fun, and we both had a few moments of "Ha ha ha, hashtagtallgirlproblems, ha ha," and I went to the fight thinking that somebody would win, and we'd shake hands and go back to having fun. But the instant we started to trade punches I forgot all of it and I was ready to beat her within an inch of her life! And looking at her I think she felt the same way. It's hard to pretend that didn't happen and go back to bonding and being cute. But I'd like to at least see her again professionally, mostly because she's buff but I think I could beat her at arm wrestling." Christie herself took a few days longer to speak of the fight publicly, offering sincere congratulations, showing interest in finding a better matched opponent, and not ruling out that arm wrestling match at a later date. |
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Post by Punchaholics Anonymous on Aug 16, 2016 15:48:53 GMT -6
Nicki Minaj vs Poppy Montgomery   "I definitely feel that backstage politics took a big bite out of my career," said Poppy Montgomery. "For a while I was going up against tough opponents regularly, and then everyone stopped returning my calls. I know the official story is that I fell off the radar after poor performances, but the fact is that those losses happened after the opportunities dried up. I know Nicki's stable isn't really reputable... they ran that ridiculous event last year, and dealing with them hasn't been very fun. But I'll do whatever it takes to get back in the ring!" For Nicki Minaj, getting in the ring was slightly less momentous. "Poppy wants a fight and she fits into my plans. How can I say no?" In the ring, Minaj spent the final moments before the fight doing her pattented strut, with the effectiveness reduced slightly by her practical black athletic wear and bun. Montgomery, in blue, used one gloved hand to make a lazy dismissive gesture at her opponent before finishing her warmup. Round 1: The fight started with a bang, or whatever noise Nicki Minaj's fist makes when it collides with Poppy Montgomery's face at full force. The opening skirmish was quick and even, before Minaj shot out a sudden left hook and landed it cleanly. Montgomery, stunned, began an adrenaline fueled explosion of effort, swinging at Minaj fiercely only to be interrupted as the shorter fighter repositioned for a straight punch to the mouth, or as straight as she can manage with the height gap. Montgomery went into a fighting retreat at that point, as Minaj chased with modest but survivable success. Montgomery attempted to come back later in the round, only to find Minaj in equally good form and absorbing a few more painful blows to the head in the process. Montgomery clinched to avoid catastrophe, and by the time the fight resumed, the round had nearly finished. Minaj pumped one fist in the air with a hint of a smile on her face as she returned to her corner, while Montgomery held her head in one hand, stumbling back to her stool. Round 2: Montgomery, taking better precautions this time, dealt with Minaj's opening salvo much more efficiently, parrying her rival's attacks and taking only a graze as the shorter woman's fist clipped her right cheek on the way past. Montgomery's return fire was slightly more effective, striking the rapper's jaw once from each side. For the duration, neither woman fully committed or fully backed down, a marked change from the furious pace of the first round. The final score favored Montgomery, but Minaj seemed to have survived without being hurt badly. Round 3: Minaj struck back hard in the third round, building up the pressure in the opening minute and then making her play, lunging and getting inside Montgomery's reach to land a rising hook to her midsection. Montgomery didn't miss a beat, despite the fact that Minaj nearly put enough weight behind the swing to lift her off the ground, and the taller actress began to bravely battle it out... with similar results to her first try. Minaj thumped Montgomery's body several times before the actress covered herself and cut her losses. Montgomery spent the remainder of the round using her reach advantage to stay afloat, but still fell victim to well placed punches that het rival set up. Round 4: Another all out war between the two fighters erupted early in the fourth round, to excited shouts from onlookers. While Minaj managed to contest the opening, it was Montgomery who took control, deforming the rapper's nose with a straight right and then letting her have it during the chaos. Minaj tried to rush her rival as she had before, but this time Montgomery was not easy prey, driving the rapper to arm's length and bashing her freely. Minaj looked dazed at the bell, shaking her head and stretching her arms as she prepared for the break. Round 5: Montgomery seemed content to keep Minaj at bay while firing off surprise shots to the head to keep her from getting any ideas. The plan worked, more or less, aside from a few chaotic seconds in the second minute when Minaj decided not be uncooperative, landing a rising right to Montgomery's chin before the actress could get back on track. A victory on the scorecard again for Montgomery, who manages to give the front row fans a confident grin during the break. Round 6: Minaj pursued Montgomery aggressively in the sixth round, not discouraged by her effective resistance in the previous. The rapper was rewarded almost immediately, opening up Montgomery's guard with her first attacks and then ramming the actress's face with a straight right. Montgomery, eyes wide, immediately displayed her vulnerability when she tried resisting, moving too slowly and catching Minaj's left hand on her chin. Taking a severe beating, the taller actress eventually escaped, spending a welcome but brief period holding Minaj back. The rapper was unwilling to back down, however, and was able to have her choice of targets until the bell rang, allowing Montgomery to limp away, hurt but still standing. Round 7: Therr was little activity from Montgomery at the start of the seventh round; though she made her stand against Minaj, the previous round had clearly taken its toll on the actress. Soon, Minaj put her weight behind a right, left, right, and stepped away taking a deep breath as Montgomery's arms fell to her sides and she collapsed face down. The actress showed signs of life, moving her hands by her chest in an attempt to push herself up, but she was still down at the end of the count. The winner -- Minaj, KO7. Minaj, making the most of the opportunity, stood directly over Montgomery, looking down with the most intense look of contempt she can summon. Montgomery was likely unaware of it at the time, but likely noticed in the morning when the resulting photo spent a few hours circulating among fans and the press. By that time, Minaj was already looking ahead. "I would definitely like to take my boxing career to the next level in the near future," she said in a brief interview. "I'm already working with management to pick my next target!" |
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